[Celena]

Hello everyone, my name is Celena, and I'm suffering a loss but we're planning on TTC soon after. It isn't completely over yet and I'm devastated. This is the first time I've "typed or said" that without breaking down. I wasn't very far along, approx 6.5weeks now/was. Just feels so tough, I've been trying to analyze why it's so painful altho it's so early and I cannot come up with a definite answer.

It was quiet a surprise as I was thinking my AF was due, so on July 17th I took 2 hpt with a faint + and had a friend look at it to see if it was just my imagination. So after work that night I stopped off at wm to get 2 better brand hpt's, it came out + still faint waited until the am and another but darker! I think all in all I took 8, a few cheap ones all the way to the digital. I remained in shock, but as soon as I started to accept that it was true and get excited I started pinkish spotting. Something kept telling me something was wrong even tho the midwife said it was normal probably just implantation.

I ended up in the ER a few days later because the spotting hadn't let up and it was pinkish/orangish tinted, started to worry about an infection. My doc ran bloodwork,abdominal exam, u/s... hcg 178 and was told they saw the endometrial lining so I was definitly pg n to follow up with ob friday. I had bloodwork fri afternoon and was told to call first thing monday morning, my job gave me the night off after all that was going on... good thing because I ended up in the ER after finding now pinkish-red on my tp. They ran more tests bloodwork, cath urine spec and another vag exam... well my hcg dropped to 72. (the fri afternoon ob doc hcg results were 105)

Had my hcg drawn again monday due to the dropping levels, still hadn't really bled at this point just spots and no cramps still feeling pregnant (sensitive breasts, smells, nausea, fatigue) They went up to 78 and was told I'm miscarrying. Made an appt with ob doc to go over everything... he was very nice today and so apologetic. Gave me a script for antibiotics guess because this mc dragged on for over a week I have a mild infection.

Long story short... I'm in the process of losing my wee one, but my husband and I decided that after this is over we are going to actively try so we're planning our pregnancy instead of being shocked then devastated like what's happening right now.

Planning to start temping and charting...
I also have a medical condition (fibromyalgia) which I take meds for, I've quit 3 out of the 5 to lessen the risks to my fetus. Taking prenatals & fish oil on top of my meds hoping to ensure a healthy body to get pg and in case I become pg.

No offense, but I hope I'm not here long (or any of you for that matter!!!)
But I look forward to meeting and supporting everyone here

[~~~Sara~~~]

I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you aren't here long either! And of course I mean that in the best way possible!

[AngelBabies]

Celena...... no offense taken hun...... I hope you dont hang around either In fact one day I would love to turn the lights off and close the doors here cause this threads not needed no more.............. they had better all move over in the PAML (pregnancy after miscarriage or loss)

If I can, may I say one thing. Dont try and analyse your pain hun.......... just let it be and be honest to it. Sometimes in life we tend to try and find the answers and analyze things because we need to get to the bottom of it..... but sometimes hun there is no bottom. You lost your child.... there is nothing to analyze..... the pain is unbearable BUT the fog will lift over the next few weeks or maybe months and you will learn how to live with it day to day.

Its been a while since I ve put this poem up but I will put it up again in the hope that you in some way find comfort in it.

A Pair of Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in this world.

Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child

Yeah I know..... I said can I say one thing.... but hey.... you ll get used to me......(actually hopefully you wont)

But the other thing I will say is be true to your emotions hun.... allow that pain to be what it is.... when your angry be angry when your sad be sad...... be true to your emotions......

[Mel1979]

I am so sorry for you loss and sorry we have to welcome you to this thread I hope none of us for heref for long.

to what angel said. I love that poem Angel. I have it printed out and I quite often read it and shed a few quiet tears.

[~InHisHands~]

I'm so sorry for you loss & hope you get your BFP soon!

[Dak]

I am sorry for your loss. Hope you conceive soon.

All the best with ttc

[sportsmom2]

I am sorry that you have had to meet us all this way... Lord knows I do not think any person should have to know what it feels like to have a m/c.

You experience sounds a little like mine in the fact that our pregnancy wasn't exactly planned but then once we realized it was true, we got super excited about it... now our whole plans have changed and we have decided to try again for another.

Glad you have found this wonderful forum, it will help you find answers and support.

[krystal g]

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm new here too but these ladies have been very supportive. And with time, the pain will lessen, but until then, just allow yourself to heal.

[mrscales]

hi hun, i'm currently going through a loss myself. actually, i got the call this morning and my d&c is schedule for 3 pm today. the pain you feel going through this is unbelievable, who knew you could love something so much? i can only imagine a mother's love on she actually gets to hold her child.

anway, this is just my opinion, because i plan to ttc again soon as well but please allow yourself time to grieve over this loss. i've been sitting in my office crying just being scared and confused and mad and angry....there's just so many emotions that you go through. this loss is like any other one and you DO need time to grieve. i tried to be strong and not cry and all but each day it seems to get a little harder. epsecially if you're bleeding and each time you use the restroom you have that lil reminder like i do.

i pray that god gives you the strength to get through your loss and that he will give you another miracle soon.

[farasha]

Welcome to the board hun. I'm sorry for your loss, and I too hope you aren't on this board for long. Big hugs to you. I know how hard this week is for you, we all do. I look forward to getting to know you!

[.:Shortcake:.]

Hugs hun! Welcome to the board. I am very sorry for your loss and I hope your not here long either!

[Oreobaby]

Hey there...

I am currently on the tail end of my loss!!! I am sorry to hear about your loss...it is a very difficult situation to be in...we are all here to support you in whatever it is that you need!! And I agree with who said she hoped we could close this board...I hope that we all leave here, and it's no longer needed!!

[JessP]

I am so sorry for your loss. From the moment we know we are pregnant we love them and no matter when we lose them they were our babies. I hope you are not here long .
Angel Love the poem made me cry.

[Celena]

THANK YOU all for the warm welcome!!!

I hope that I can be helpful and supportive to all here, thank you again for welcoming me!

[KDD]

Celena. I'm so sorry that you have to join us here. We love to meet new people, but we hate the reason why you're here. Please feel free to ask us anything. I'm sure that you will have a lot of questions (I know I did). It took me a really long time to be able to speak the words "I had a miscarriage". Other people just don't understand the pain. We do and we are here to support you.

[AngelBabies]

Well that just sux... there is no polite way of putting that..... I read through and Celena, Mrscales and Oreobaby all have your little angels flying away at the moment....... there s far to many up there....... surely some can come back down to stay soon.

Mrscales..... my thoughts are with you today...... there s no goodluck or hope it goes well..... there is nothing I can add except my thoughts and prayers are with you........

[Celena]

Originally Posted by KDD

It took me a really long time to be able to speak the words "I had a miscarriage". Other people just don't understand the pain.

I think that I've only typed it and perhaps not even as a whole phrase... I told my mom, but still didn't say it that way. I didn't realize it until I read what you had posted. Tomorrow I'm more than likely going to go back to work at least for fri & sat, 2 busiest days at the restaurant and going to ask to have off sunday to rest some more.

Thank you, already, KDD!

[*Bobbie*]

I am sorry you are losing your baby

I have to tell you... no matter how long or hard the road, it is SOOOO worth it in the end.

I hope you get a very quick sticky BFP. Good luck hon!

[Celena]

Thank you Bobbie! I hope we ALL do too!!!

[..Penelope..]

Hi, Celena.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, honey.

I hope that you won't need to be here long. However, don't be surprised if you find yourself staying after you get your sticky bfp for the wonderful support and friendship