[Celena]

I'm nervous... I don't know what I expect to get out of this appointment.

I heard someone give the advice to get your progest. checked too to see if you've O'd when they take your hcg levels... I think I'm going to ask about that to know for sure and see if things are returning to normal quickly like I sorta thought they were. I don't know.

I'm having a rough time today, crying spells... I cannot describe how badly I want to feel our baby's life growing inside me again, it's almost as if I didn't realize how badly I really wanted the babe until it was taken from me. (I didn't let myself get the tiniest excited at first, then when I started to open up and get excited instead of fear... it was all ripped away) I feel guilty

I'm sorry, ugh... I better go get ready

Thank you for accepting us here & listening to me


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(UPDATED 2:50pm)~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well I get there and get called back into the nurses station... I could hear someone on the non-stress test with the heartbeating away and I BROKE DOWN BAWLING!!! Uh the flood of the "why why why's" were running thru my mind. I'm crying while I type this. Fudge! I cannot believe how hard this is, I thought I was *OK* and I'm realizing otherwise.

My BP was up, go figure, I was upset and haven't taken my pain meds yet (for fibro) cause I try to hold out on taking them. (probably not good, hence high bp)

Lost 4lbs, who cares... have another fricken 30 from the lyrica made me gain.

Nurse asked if I was bleeding, I said no just pinkish spotting when I wiped. Well, I go to collect the urine spec and the dam broke, it was red again and more than it's been in 3-4 days. I just don't get it!

Had a pelvic exam, doc didn't really say much because just before that when he was asking how I was doing I choked on my words. He tried to crack a joke that the front desk lady Mrs. P says he always makes the ladies cry, that I better not tell her. It helped a little, I guess.

After that went into his office and talked... said it's a pregnancy loss and asked if I had a questions. He kept apologizing then asked if I wanted birth control or if we wanted to get pg, told him yes that this time we're actually going to try so it's a planned pregnancy. He said things may return to normal quickly or it may take a month or two. He walked me over to get a beta and said he would call in the morning with the results. Also said if it's below 20 my body will return to normal faster otherwise it could be the 6-8 weeks. He said after AF it would be an ok time to TTC that way I would know when the beginning of my cycle is. (and actually have a LMP)

So I don't know... guess it was an ok appt. Not the kind of follow-up I thought I would be having, but then again we just didn't expect to lose our baby either. I wish it NEVER happened!!
(I know I'm not the only one, I'm sorry I wish NO ONE had to go thru this)

[~~~Sara~~~]

NO advice on the appointment, but hope it goes well!

[krystal g]

Oh, so sorry you had such a bad visit. Give yourself some time...it's only been a few days. It's OK for you to be feeling this. I had my follow-up appt. this morning also and it's been almost a month for me and I started crying too. Just when you think you are better it hits you again. So you are completely normal! I just hope AF comes quickly for you and your next cycle is here soon.

[mrsissa]

While you're waiting for af to return try to pamper yourself and do things you might be hesitant to do later like having a glass of wine or a latte. Hugs

[Trish36]

HUGS honey!!! I remember balling all the time in the first couple of months after my loss. Any little thing would set me off. Sounds like your appointment went pretty well considering. Glad that the doc gave you the green light to ttc again.

[Kary♥RN]

HUGS, I'm so sorry. None of this is easy. And its ok... to not be "OK", Its ok to cry. I cried reading your post. I still have really bad days... The first few days of AF I am at my lowest... than I perk up... (as the days get closer to Oing, than again when it is getting closer to testing... I still have days that I cry... when I hear things, or see things that make me stop and think... were would of have been, and what would I be doing if things had turned out differently. HUGS

[JessP]

I am so sorry that visit was so hard for you. Sounds like you have a very nice doctor though and that is good. I hope you get back to normal very fast so you can start trying right away.

[~InHisHands~]

I know how hard it is!

[Oreobaby]

You are completely normal...my loss was very recently as well, and it is hard...there are good days, but there are definately very hard days!!

I wish there was more that I could say, but since I am only 2 wks into my loss...I'm not really sure what advise I can give you.

[mlyster]

I too bawled in front of my dr when i went in for my follow up - so much so that she sent me to a grief counsellor (didn't MAKE me go but offered it). Probably the best thing I could have done. She made me see that its ok to cry and that in fact its GOOD to let it out or it will come out at the most inopportune time!

Sorry you didn't have a better appointment but it sounds on par for a first follow up after a m/c.

[momof6lopez]

Originally Posted by Kary♥RN

HUGS, I'm so sorry. None of this is easy. And its ok... to not be "OK", Its ok to cry. I cried reading your post. I still have really bad days... The first few days of AF I am at my lowest... than I perk up... (as the days get closer to Oing, than again when it is getting closer to testing... I still have days that I cry... when I hear things, or see things that make me stop and think... were would of have been, and what would I be doing if things had turned out differently. HUGS

Kary, you took the words right out of my mouth
I pray that you find comfort here and know that you are not alone.

[Frangipani]

aww sorry to hear your appointment was so rough. Sounds like your doc was pretty decent though.

I also cried at the drop of the hat for a while after we mc'd. I mean, I even broke down bawling in Target when I passed by the baby section and saw all the cute clothes.

It actually does get better, just takes a while.

[mum74]

I am 4.5months post my m/c and always think I'm doing really well. Last night I was reading some stuff on this board (it was nice stuff but just sad) and I went to have a shower and just bawled my eyes out. What I'm trying to say is this only just happened to you - you will have good days and bad days, and that's okay. The dr's appt would have been very stressful too.