[Celena]

Before I tell you about it, I want to tell you again... THANK YOU, I hope to one day meet some if not ALL of you ladies! Y'all have been absolutly amazing!

I was *ok* until I had to get my blood pressure checked...



Then I was placed into a room and just started bawling, my nurse is awesome tho. She came into the room shut the door and asked how I was, told her terrified! That I just have a feeling in my gut that I might actually be newly pg and I don't want to kill the baby knowingly... I would feel like a murderer. She told me to tell him how concerned I am and she totally understands. So when he came in and asked how I was doing, I begged him to get a look inside me to make sure that I wasn't killing a little one. He ran down the hall to u/s tech and ran bacck telling me to hurry n get my clothes on she's waiting for me. So I did... She checked my ovaries and measured everything... I didn't see anything in there... but I would only be maybe 10dpo so there would be NOTHING to see.

After that we went into his office... he pulled up the u/s from the ER on the 30th or 23rd? They saw a lesion in my uterus and a sm cyst on my right ovary (the one I O'd from!) This u/s today looked completely normal and void of any problems, no lesions no cysts nothing in my tubes that they saw... He couldn't exactly tell me WHAT was going on. There wasn't any retained tissue, thank GOD! Didn't see an ectopic pregnancy, NOTHING! He was baffled when he was looking at my hcg numbers and was going over it last night and again this morning.

His conclusion because he had none other was something is abnormal... I just cannot get the gut feeling to go away that I am (was) newly pg just way too early to see anything.

They didn't do my bloodwork like they were supposed to... so we'll never know what my nu,bers were from today.

He decided to give me the methotextrate after all... He stood there and hugged me for a long time and rubbing my back apologizing. He tried to crack a little joke here and there to cheer me up.

He had my favorite nurse and his nurse take me into the procedure room and give me the shots. VERY VERY PAINFUL! They told me I would more than likely start bleeding again, heavily like when I mc'd and have very painful cramping too, that this medication might make me feel funny... If I get dizzy from too much blood loss to call them or with any questions to write them down n call.... they were trying to reassure me that this is the best way to ensure a healthy pregnancy, that the D&C might mess me up and because we were going to try again soon that this is absolutly the best. (I know they wouldn't do a D&C if it wasn't safe tho!) I realize they were trying to make me feel better, but it doesn't totally do it!

I'm trying not to cry , I feel aweful for if there is a new little one in there this is sure going to kill it I feel like a bad mommy that I didn't fight hard enough. I just pray to GOD that isn't the case... I trust my doctor, I WANT to trust him whole-heartedly

So end all be all, I never recieved any answers... He isn't even sure what happend. No retained tissue, no ectopic pg and so it will remain a mystery!

So after this bleeding stops and I get AF again we will be able to try... He told me saturday after I get AF we can try again so we at least have a LMP to go from and see how far along etc...

My follow-up is monday, more bloodwork and they will continue to watch my hcg levels until they disappear. (I WISH they would have ran them today!!!)

[Trish36]

Hugs!!!

[Kary♥RN]

Oh Celena.... HUGS for all you have had to go through... and HUGS for all the unanswered questions. I am so sorry you have to go through this. What an emotional day for you. I think you made the right choice. I can understand your feelings. But you have to remember from the very begining of this ordeal.. thier has been questions. I really think that HCG was from the previous pregnancy. If you are only 10 dpo... What would that have made you the last time you had bloodwork? Your body starts to produce HCG one implantation happens.. I really feel you are safe, and you didn't kill your baby. This is a good restart for your body. I wish I had a magic wand to make everything ok for us all... HUGS

[MrsB1227]

i am so sorry about the ordeal you went through today. I hope the process goes by quickly and without too much pain, and that AF hurries up so you can try again and get your sticky bean very very soon!!!

[krystal g]

I agree with everything Kary said. I know you were hopeful for a new pregnancy (understandably, as I would have been too), but I think you made the right decision...at least that is what I would have done. It's probably best that you now will have a fresh start without any lingering questions or doubt. Hopefully things will progress quickly and AF will be back before you know it.

[sportsmom2]

I know nothing I say can make you feel better... but you are in my thoughts and prayers. So sorry to hear that you have had such a terrible experience!

[missy123]

I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with Kary, I think your levels were still high from the previous pregnancy. (((Hugs)))

[jensma]

I am so so sorry!! I can't imagine how agonizing this is for you!!

[Magicaledelishus]

*HUGS* Aw man I'm sorry you had to go through that.. I know how scary it must have been for you.. I am glad things are getting answered. Best of luck to you..

[~InHisHands~]

[.:Shortcake:.]

Hugs hun. I know that is the worst feeling in the world. We all are here for you and if you ever need to talk or cry or need anything feel free to pm me.

[JessP]

So sorry you are having to go through all of this. I hope you can find peace and I agree with Kary as well. Lots of hugs and support.

[Mel1979]

Sorry you have to go through all of this. I agree with Karyn too. I think it is a good idea to wait until your first AF to start ttc again as you really don't want to go through this heartache again.

Again I am sorry

[KDD]

I'm so sorry Celena I hope that you are feeling better soon!

[momof6lopez]

Im so sorry Celena, you did not deserve to go through all of this, none of us do. I pray once your bleeding stops this time, that AF shows quickly (4-6wks) and that you get your BFP with that new cycles. This way, there is no confusion for you and you can enjoy your new pregancy with no regrets. I will say a prayer for you tonight, lots of hugs to you.

[Celena]

Thanks ladies...

I didn't know what to expect from today, but I at least thought I would get answers... which I didn't. What can I do? Nothing!

I can honestly say the thought of RUNNING OUT OF THE OFFICE while waiting just before they took me to the procedure room, crossed my mind. Then I thought of what a FOOL I might be

Not feeling too good... have been resting all afternoon.

Anyone here had methotextrate before?

[Amanda C]

((HUGS)) I'm so sorry! I do hope you get a sticky bean soon!

[charm]

Hello Celena I am sorry hun I also agree with Kary your hcg levels hadn't gone down it sounds like the DR covered all basis's and wouldn't have giving you the injection if it was going to harm a new pregnancy I know this wouldn't be easy but try to give yourself a break and I pray you get a BFP very soon take care Celena pm me if you need to talk. Also when I had my m/c it was a missed m/c and 4 weeks after the baby had passed away I was still feeling preg symptoms I hope this helps xxoo

[~Lynda~]

OMG big hugs to you girl!!!!!! i'm so sorry you are having to go through this!!! have faith in God girl!!!! HUGS

Just the biggest hug to you!!!!!!!!