[Oreobaby]

So my parents have been really supportive of me during my MC and were here, and helped me through the first weekend and stuff...but I don't think my mom truely understands, and I really thought that she would.

I have been having a difficult week...Monday was my appointment to hear the heartbeat. So I have been a bit down this week. I was talking to my mom and was talking about how we should go away at the beginning of Feb to Minneapolis for a shopping trip. (I have never been to Mall of America, and would love to take a girls trip to go) February (the beginning of February) I said would be a perfect time, because I will need to have something to look forward to. (My EDD was Feb 10th)

My mom says to me...why will you need to be distracted? And I reminded her about my EDD...she says, well you will probably be pregnant again by then anyway, so I don't know why you would be so concerned about it. She just doesn't get it. It doesn't matter if I am pregnant again by then or not...(I mean I guess it will be a little bit, because if I am PG, then I guess I won't be AS sad...but it was my first baby...of course I will be sad. Of course I will need to be distracted...it's like the birthday of a loved one that died...it's hard to deal. I just thought that she would understand better than she does.

Anyway, vent over...thanks for listening if you made it through.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Hugs hun. Unless someone has been through a loss they really don't understand. And yes it does suck. I had my sons EDD pass on June 27th and DH and I just spend the day together in remembrance of him. I wouldn't try to be avoid the day. Let your feelings out don't keep them inside.

[missy123]

I am sure your mom means well, but unless you go through this you don't fully understand. I have a friend go through a loss about 10 years ago and looking back I wasn't there for her. Not because I didn't want to be but because I did not understand. (((Hugs))) We are here for you.

[mlyster]

Marci - I had a similar conversation with my mom the day my niece was born. I started crying almost immediately because of how much it reminded of me of all I had lost... and she basically told me to suck it up and I had better not ruin it for my sister. I got off the phone and cried even harder because I realized that no one in my family would understand. I did suck it up and met Bailey and didn't cry at the hospital but bawled all the way home. I just know now that if I am having a bad day I come on here and talk to poeple who know and understand what I am going through... my mom does not hear any of it anymore. I am sad about that because we had a decent relationship before all of this... but this is part of my life she can not be part of (for my sanity).

[Christine-MA]

I totally agree that unless you go through it, you don't fully understand. People try to be sympathetic, but I think many (if not most) people think that once the physical pain passes, and yes you'll be sad for a while, but they don't see that it's something you take with you forever.

It was hard to pass my first EDD in March, especially because it was on my birthday and because I wasn't pregnant. I will say the second one was easier. I don't know if it's because I wasn't pregnant as long (6.5 weeks vs 10.5 weeks), or because I never got my hopes completely up for that pregnancy, or because I am pregnant now (my EDD just went by on Aug 10th). It doesn't mean I don't think about it and know I should have a baby already, even though I'm thrilled to be 20+ weeks pregnant. But I do think it gets easier with time.

Try not to hold it against your mom. I imagine being on the other side of it is tough too, not knowing what to say, and some things people say they think are helpful really aren't (You'll have another one, it wasn't meant to be, better now than finding out later something was wrong, etc).

[krystal g]

I completely understand how you feel - I've certainly had a few people close to me who just don't get it. My mom is one of those people. She tries and is very sympathetic, but she's never had a loss, so she is quick to just tell me it will happen in good time. Grrrrrr! I have been trying to be understanding, putting myself in their shoes, because honestly, before my loss I don't know what I would have said or how I would have acted to someone going through this. So I've decided that I'm just going to try keep my feelings to myself around these people because I am lucky enough to have 3 close friends who have been through this as well and have been very supportive. And of course there are all of you ladies!

[Elijah'sMommy]

Aw, it is so true that someone who has not experienced a loss could not understand the feelings you get as you approach you EDD, even if you are pregnant again. I had a loss at 6 1/2 weeks and my EDD is next week. Even though I am pregnant now, I am saddened about my first baby. Please know we are all here for you and will never minimalize the loss of your first baby.

[Kary♥RN]

Marci.... HUGS.. I am so sorry I can tell you I feel the same way as you. My SIL is due the 27th of this month.. I would have been due the 18th of Sept. My mom has no idea what I am going through.. She has never had a loss. And same as Michelle.. I have been pretty much "hinted" to how important this is to my brother. Like I don't know this... I HAD to go to her babyshower.. She is having a little girl.. the same as would I have had. No one understood the pain walking by those pink little baby stuff. I had hoped to be pregnant before I had to face the baby shower, meeting my new niece (Summer Marie) ... and face my due date of my little girl. Not to forget about her.. but I think to ease a little pain. Nothing will replace the babies that we have lost. People just don't get it.. I am so sorry they don't.

[~InHisHands~]

[PixieQueen]

My mom never had a loss, but she didn't fill me full of platitudes either. It was nice. To people who have never had a miscarriage, they don't think of it as losing a child. Even though some of us never got to hold our babies, we did indeed lose a child and that is the kind of pain that never truly leaves us.

[..Penelope..]

I'm sorry that she wasn't more understanding, honey.

[Oreobaby]

I am at my brothers now...and I love my neice to death...today was over whelming, just because it was the first time meeting her, so mom and dad were definately engrossed with her, which I understand...I am trying NOT to feel jealous, and sad, but it is hard...I am tring to stay distracted and busy...so i dont' think about it too much...Hopefully I will get more comfortable as the days go on. Thanks girls.

[Celena]

Awe Marci, I was just thinking about you also... I'm glad to see your update. I hope it gets easier on you honey, no one would ever want you to have suffered the way you have and are currently. I wish it were as easy as saying... Let go and let love! (but it isn't) and that's ok! You are TOTALLY ENTITLED TO FEELING that way!!!

GIGANTIC LOVE SMOOTHERED HUGS TO YOU

Staying busy may preoccupie you, but it is good to deal with those emotions as part of your healing process let yourself go thru it, it's ok. Maybe even talk with your BIL or SIL about how you're feeling... maybe they would be allot more understanding than you think? I dunno, wish I had all the answers... wish I could wave my magical wand to make you feel totally great! You definitly have to do you and deal with it as you feel is most comfortable... don't be afraid to let it out, holding it in isn't good either sweets

Gosh I hope you have a great rest of the time! Please keep us updated

[JessP]

Lots of hugs. Sadly it is something someone has to go through to understand. I even thought I would be ok when my EDD came and I have been a wreck for days. It is a hard process to understand.