Does TTC ever cause strain your relationship?

missy123 · #1 August 18th, 2009, 08:58 AM

Hi. So I went to a new obgyn today and they are going to be doing a bunch of tests and blah blah blah... As I am old to begin with the doctor said we need to get you pregnant as soon as possible because of your age.

I walked away feeling hopeful but more stressed because I now really feel the tick tock of the clock and my time being limited. BF and I are fighting now and it is all a result of all of the stress I am feeling and not feeling so happy anymore. He said he wants to stop all of the TTC and just be happy with each other.

Does TTC ever put a strain on your relationship?

krystal g · #2 August 18th, 2009, 09:19 AM

Yes! I was just "discussing" this with my DH. I know that I obsess about TTC (I did the first time around before the m/c and now it's worse) but I just can't help it. It's ALWAYS on my mind!!! I just O'd (I think) and we couldn't seem to find time for sex! Of all things, my DH wasn't wanting to do it! He was tired, worked several long days, blah blah blah. And he actually said "Can't we just do it tomorrow?" NO! NO WE CAN'T!!! So I kinda lost it with him! I said that I'm the one who temps, who charts, who POAS, who takes supplements, who is constantly checking CM, who does any kind of research possible, who basically takes responsibility for it all (deep breath) and all he has to do is...well, you know, do it!! So, of course we BD'd, but it's not really that great if you have to force someone!

And he does really want this as well, he just tends to be an insensitive man sometimes who doesn't fully understand all of the emotions I'm going through....and I guess it's possible that I'm obsessive and irrational at times (but I don't really think so )!

I'm going to be 35 in a few months and am just now starting down this path, so I hear the tick-tock as well, but I'm trying to relax about it because I really don't like being a b!!!ch all the time....but easier said than done. Hang in there.

Celena · #3 August 18th, 2009, 09:37 AM

Krystal! You're too cute... I love how you explained it all!!!

Yes, but I think it has been more of the stress from our loss than it has been with TTC... it took 1.5 years to get pg originally :-/

When DH gets into a crappy mood he will complain saying he doesn't want to TTC for XYZ reasons... I just throw my hands up.

momof6lopez · #4 August 18th, 2009, 01:46 PM

I can understand your situation Missy. Although DF and I have not stressed over TTC, I think its only because we have only been together for a year. We are still in the "happy, new love stage". So we bd every day anyway

but I could see how it would put more stress maybe if we were trying for longer than we have. We only started in Jan, so it has only been 8months now. We shared two losses this year, and we still go on not stressing about it. Im sure we will hit our rock soon, but hopefully not.

P.S. Miss you!

missy123 · #5 August 18th, 2009, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by momof4lopez

P.S. Miss you!

I owe you an email with so many updates... I will write you now. Love you!

BrittanieH · #6 August 18th, 2009, 02:32 PM

yeah me and my bf get into fights because he thinks i am obsessed because i am always talking about babys when we cant even have one for another year! i am young so i still have lots of time but i am already looking at baby stuff and names and i drag him into the baby section in walmart hee hee but its just because he is worried about me getting my hopes all up and getting hurt because he knows how hard it is on me this time. i hope everything goes great!

starrsgirl · #7 August 18th, 2009, 04:52 PM

Yes! DH and I always seem to get irritated with each other about this TTC business. I don't know what it is....but he doesn't like that I think about it and work at trying to get pregnant. He just wants things to happen "naturally". I get so mad because I have PCOS and maybe a clotting disorder and think it just won't be that easy. We have to "try" or it's not going to happen. Also, since we've had two losses, sometimes DH is scared/worried to go through another loss again.

Boble · #8 August 18th, 2009, 05:10 PM

most definitely.. for a month or so a few months back I didn't want to ttc anymore because I want our baby to be made out of love and not hate.. and although that sounds really harsh that was exactly where I was at then. I felt so much hatred for the situation we are in and because ttc is so hard. I felt hatred because I didn't feel he was doing "his part" in the whole ttc thing (pressure to perform issues). And I wasn't even sure I wanted to be with him any more. Since then we have been working towards building our relationship back up and it is getting better... but there is still that frustration and strain on our relationship there.. but I am happy to say it IS getting better for us.

best of luck

Kary♥RN · #9 August 18th, 2009, 07:45 PM

I'll join on this.. YEP! I get pissed that DH can't read my mind, count on the calendar, has to be pretty much told "IT IS SEX TIME!" I don't understand why I have to be the one to say every month... we have to have sex at LEAST everyother day. What part of that is hard to understand? Or when I say I should O around the 18th.. we should do it 5 days before and 5 days after at the very least... EVERY MONTH... And I know he wants a baby as bad as I do.. BUT than I get well I don't know if you are in the mood... WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WTH? Are they dumb? What the HE-LL have I been going through? UGGGGGGG

missy123 · #10 August 18th, 2009, 08:03 PM

Thanks for sharing your stories with me. BF and I had a long talk tonight, not sure if we are going to TTC anymore. I did tell him about all of you (not specific stories just that there are other girls that go through what I am). He is supportive but now I am thinking all of this TTC isnt worth the possible break up of our relationship.

Boble · #11 August 18th, 2009, 08:34 PM

maybe take a step back and go with not trying/not preventing for a couple of months and see what happens. I know its hard to step off the ttc field after being on it and being so used to it but maybe its what you need to do to focus on your relationship. Thats kinda been the stand I had to take on it a few months back and it has helped

#12 August 18th, 2009, 10:26 PM

Absolutely it has. TTC has been the most stressful time during the whole 16 years we have been together.

When we first ttc, it was all fun etc... then I had a m/c but we decided to wait a couple of cycles then ttc again - I unfortunately suffered another m/c.... that's when all the issues started. I become obsessed with ttc, finding out things about m/c, O, interpreting 'symptons' during the tww - I was never like that.... yes, I am a controlling personality but I was always one to pick myself up and remain positive. Then when we fell pg again, there was another set of emotions - fear of another m/c, fear of stillborn etc... Something DH could not relate to. He was beaming at the OBS office when we were waiting for the 1st u/s - I was unresponsive, unemotional for fear of not seeing a hb etc... DH told me to relax & I went mental at him. How dare he say that to me when I had prior u/s following the last m/c and seeing no hb...

When we decided to ttc # 2 I took the approach that I wasn't going to get obsessive again, but after another m/c my emotions have taken hold & all I think about it ttc, the age gap btw my dd & the next one, if/when other people are ttc, people who are pg etc.... To be honest it is ridiculous but I can't stop myself and that is what DH does not undertand. He too wants us to go with the flow - but I feel like precious time is ticking away....

I don't have any words of advice for you, but please know that you are not alone.
xx

.:Shortcake:. · #13 August 19th, 2009, 05:06 AM

DH and I were going crazy fighting all the time. And it got to the point where neither one of us wanted to be around each other. So at that point we started NTNP. Secretly I'm trying still checking CM but not temping or doing OPK's but I don't tell him when I think I'm O'ing or anything. Maybe that would help!

#14 August 19th, 2009, 07:41 AM

TTCAL has caused us our biggest fights ever. DH and myself really don't fight much we are the goofy couple that makes people sick. But since our loss sex is no longer fun and care free. That is the subject of our biggest fight. DH wants to to let thing just happen, and that was all fine until we hit 6 months, I don't think I go over board because I don't chart and once every couple of month I do the opks to see where I'm in my cycle and if its changes. But DH chimes in every once and a while that it takes an average couple 12 months sometime I love that fact the DH has like 9 years of university and is a pharmacist but when he keep tell me stats. I'm like dude I'm not one of your patient I'm your wife.....

Trish36 · #15 August 19th, 2009, 07:51 AM

Yeah, I've basically stopped telling DH anything because he would get all stressed that we had to do it at a specific time or if he didn't feel like it I would freak out, because that was O time. Now we are just NTNP and if he's up to BDing around O time - bonus! he's usually wanting to do stuff anyway every couple of days, so it's not a big problem. LOL... Yeah and it's no fun if one person has to be forced into it.

missy123 · #16 August 19th, 2009, 05:17 PM

Again, I can't thank you enough. I wish I could just NTNP, but I am 40 years old now. Even if I was 38 I wouldnt feel the stress and pressure that I am putting on myself right now. on top of that, BF has been out of state working for 3 months. So we try to plan our visits around o time but I get so upset when he can't come home or I can't go to him around these times. The fact that he has only been home 4 days in 3 months doesn't help how I am feeling. He just gets upset saying I am too sensative lately. I am sorry, just needed to vent.