tick tock, tick tock, tick tock... the clock has stopped (UPDATED mc mentioned)

Celena · #1 August 18th, 2009, 11:08 AM

Still waiting, called about half an hour ago and ended up getting the nurses voicemail

It's driving me batty... tick tock, tick tock, tick tock

Supposed to get a call this morning! ACK!

UPDATED 3:54pm

Nurse practitioner called a little while ago...

yep, I knew it! Just what I was dreading and expecting... friday's levels 110 and monday's levels 97, I'm having another miscarriage, but this time it is due to the fault of a doctor!!! This is someone I TRUSTED to have my health (and any possible unborn life) in mind not murdering my unborn baby.... I'm so sick inside, angry, full of frustrations! Do not know what to do! I want to scream, kick, stomp, generally freak out on that man, but it won't fix anything or make me feel better.

Bless the NP, she and my new DR have gone over everyting prior to calling me... they agreed that because of the drug (methotrexate) causing spotting / light bleeding it made it cause problems implanting. She said I can let it happen naturally or they suggested cytotec to cause contractions to get thru the process quicker. She called in the script and said I don't have to pick it up today, but I still have to go get my anti-biotics for the poss. bladder infection. I think I might take the cytotec to get thru it faster and get back on track.

My temps have been consecutively dropping anyways and I knew this was enevitable with the spotting / bleeding I've been having.

Follow-up bloodwork next wednesday or thursday to make sure hcg is going down...

Anyone need iron supplements to help you? I've had this bright red spotting / light bleeding since last week and I'm seriously tired, weak feeling...

Celena · #2 August 18th, 2009, 01:08 PM

bump

jaypbee · #3 August 18th, 2009, 01:16 PM

oh, no. i'm so sorry. i can't even imagine the anger and frustration you must be feeling...

momof6lopez · #4 August 18th, 2009, 01:36 PM

Im so sorry. Maybe now you can start your healing process. I pray for a fast recovery. I would strongly however recomend that you protect yourself for at least one normal AF to show, as I would hate to see this happen again to you. Its just not fair. I hope the dr. plans on talking to you about your near future of TTC. Hopefully he has some good advice for you.

~*Kixs*~ · #5 August 18th, 2009, 01:48 PM

(((HUGS))) I am very sorry.

I had an ectopic pg in 2007 and had to have surgery to have my baby removed and ended loosing my tube too and I felt SOOOO much guilt! If you need some one to talk to please PM me.

Kary♥RN · #6 August 18th, 2009, 02:01 PM

Oh Celena... I just PM's you before reading this.... HUGS I AM SO SORRY! This is unthinkable. I don't know what to say. HUGS, we are here for you....

krystal g · #7 August 18th, 2009, 02:06 PM

I am so sorry Celena. I can completely understand the anger you feel toward your first Dr. I would feel the same way. If it were me, I would do what I could to hurry up the process and get it over with...let the healing begin (I chose a D&C with my m/c for that very reason). But whatever you decide, I hope the process is fast. You don't deserve this. But...at least you KNOW getting pregnant isn't the problem and you know the cause of this 2nd m/c, so the next time will hopefully be the one. And it sounds like this new Dr. will be there for you when you TTC again. Give yourself some time...a new cycle at least...take time to grieve.

.:Shortcake:. · #8 August 18th, 2009, 02:52 PM

I am so sorry hunnie! How horrible of your doctor. I'm glad your new doctor is there for you and helping you get through this hun.

MrsB1227 · #9 August 18th, 2009, 04:43 PM

i am so incredibly sorry.

I hope you get a quick bfp and sticky bean when you are ready to try again.

starrsgirl · #10 August 18th, 2009, 04:47 PM

I'm so sorry to hear about your horrible experience. This is just sad. Please don't blame yourself. You really couldn't have known at the time and you trusted your doctor. I know it doesn't make it any better but just don't shoulder all the guilt. Blame the doctor but don't let this one eat you up....you did the best you could with the information you had.

Boble · #11 August 18th, 2009, 05:24 PM

im so sorry to hear you are going through this *hugs*

Celena · #12 August 18th, 2009, 05:26 PM

Y'all are some awesome ladies, thank you for your support!!!

I went and picked up the prescriptions, already took my antibiotic. Thinking I'm going to go ahead and take the cytotec now along with my darvocet... NP said that my pain meds will make it manageable, but if it's too tough I can take the muscle relaxer I normally take for my fibromyalgia. I want to get thru this and move on, FINALLY, so I can get back on track. Still going to continue charting n temping thru this cycle until AF shows then we can TTC again. I hope that I don't get pg before AF shows, definitly going to be deligent about using the OPK's around cycle days 11, 12-14 right around there. To avoid pregnancy this cycle at least.

My DH was really bummed, but I sorta worried if I was pg the deformities or abnormalities the baby would suffer from... the doctor said we would be faced with allot of BIG decisions down the road if this situation went the other way AND ALLOT of medical interventions possibly. I'm glad to NOT have to face those choices because I don't think I could end a life unless it was going to have absolutly NO QUALITY of life and be suffering from day 1, then again I don't know. I couldn't be so selfish as to put a child thru that... but then I feel like if that is God's plan then we must be there for that child. See I'm so conflicted...

Am I a bad mommy for not fighting my old dr tooth and nail for my gut instincts about being newly pregnant and to NOT get those shots? I trusted that man with my health and wellbeing, even tho I did beg for an u/s ugh!!! I feel horrible, like I should have run out of that office like I thought about doing... like God was telling me something that I didn't listen to! Gosh I sound crazy.

I'll feel better once this is over, I think? I know it's going to KILL me to see my friend who is due in march to start to show... I don't see her that often so perhaps avoiding her won't be too noticable? Am I overreacting? I should shut up huh?

(I paused on the post for an hour or so....)

Well... I just took the cytotec @ 8:21pm, so there's no turning back now. I better gear up for some really bad contrx. The NP said if it doesn't work she would call in another script for 3 more pills and not to hesitate to call anytime. I LOVE the new Dr's office!!! They're all so nice... my new doctor is AWESOME lady who is an active professor at a local university medical school and the Nurse Practitioner is also very awesome sweet lady! My husband said at least one GOOD thing came out of this expierence, a great new doctor!

momof6lopez · #13 August 18th, 2009, 06:43 PM

Celena, no your not a bad mommy honey. Just the opposite, IMO. You struggled like no other with this one. Most of us would of just opted for the full shot straight away upon confirmation of the loss. Trust your gut, thats why you STAYED and saw it through. I know you thought you should of run out of there, but something stronger in your gut told you to stay.

Using opks this month might not be such a good idea for birth control, as your hormones are all over the place. You may not get a positive and think your ok to bd with no protection. Please, for your sake, maybe something a little more protective? I would hate to see you in this boat again in the next 30 days.

Praying the medication does it job and with little trouble. KUP on how it goes, and I will pray for your family tonight.

Kary♥RN · #14 August 18th, 2009, 06:46 PM

You are not a bad mom... You were put in a horriable situation. The first m/c the lack of bloodwork, the questions that were on the table... All lead to the unknown.. Thier was to many variables to blame yourself. Should the doctor of waited we can say yes now. But at that moment.. you did what YOUR healthcare provider told you was the best option.

Your not overreacting... and what you are saying, you sound like this will be new begining with your new doctor, and thier will be no questions this time around... HUGS and here's hoping your BFP comes quickly!

Trish36 · #15 August 18th, 2009, 06:52 PM

Oh honey....I'm so sorry!!! You did all you could to get answers and voiced your concerns to your doctor who should have known better. You are not a bad mommy at all! You will get through this as hard as it is and we are here for you! HUGS!!!! I am glad that you have found a great doctor now who has your interest at heart.
As far as the meds, you shouldn't feel too much pain. It will probably be a heavy AF with minimal cramping, considering that you were just under 5 weeks.
I pray that you will have a healthy baby in your arms very soon!!!!

mum74 · #16 August 19th, 2009, 03:23 AM

I'm so sorry.

You're not a bad mom at all. You put your trust in a medical professional and that's something we all do - we need to believe that the doc knows best. I do hope that your new doctor does write a letter updating the other doctor on what happened. I know it doesn't help you but he does need to know what has happened to make sure he never makes the mistake again.

Again, I'm so sorry.