[Miracle]

The doctors are pretty sure I'm miscarrying now. I have been bleeding the past couple of days, just wasn't sure if it was ectopic or miscarriage. My levels have dropped about 200 the past two days. I still have to go on Monday again to get the betas drawn to make sure they went down even more.

Anyway, it's so hurtful just listening to people go on about their lives. It seems like no one cares about people that have a miscarriage.

I'm just so sad. I was really embarrassed because we even told my family.. and now I'm not pregnant anymore. Now it's more just sadness.

My husband doesn't understand. He's even said to me "It's not a big deal- I don't even care! We have our daughter!" I told him he's being insensitive about it.

People in my playroom on JM are all excited about whos going to get pregnant next and I'm miscarrying.

I feel horrible for being sad about this when a lot of people lose their baby when they're further along then I was, too. I know it could be a lot worse, but it doesn't stop me from being really hurt about it.

[Boble]

*hugs* hun.. it is a really hard time and hard thing to be going through and Im sorry you are having to do it.

Generally, people don't understand unless they have been through it.

I think particularly you need to really sit down with your dh and let him know that it matters to you and you do care and you are upset. and hun, you are allowed to be, no matter how far along you were. you are allowed to feel what you need to feel and dont you let anyone tell you any different.

we are here for you *hugs*

[~InHisHands~]

I'm so sorry for your loss & it does hurt no matter how early you m/c... it rips your heart out! I'm so sorry!

[momof6lopez]

Im so sorry, you are not alone and all of us here can relate to your pain. It is hard to read in DDC's and other rooms when a woman posts about her loss and then two minutes later somones posts about "being sick of pregnancy already". I wish there rules for subjects like this, you know, give women at least a 24hr greiving before somone says something like this. Please come here and let us help you get through this difficult time, no matter how far along you are in pregnancy, when a woman looses her baby she looses her future like another other woman. We understand.

[jacqueline80]

Hi Miracle... Just came over from the March DDC - I had a m/c this past Thursday (10+wks)... It's always hard to lose a baby no matter how far along you were! And I agree with Boble, people don't normally understand just how heartbreaking it can be especially if you were not very far along... I believe it's a life lost from day 1 and therefore should be grieved - everyone in their own way. I, too, would talk to my husband and let him know that you're hurting and need his support. Maybe he just thinks he needs to be strong for you now and that's his way of showing it.... Hang in there, hon! ((( hugs )))

[Oreobaby]

Hey sweetie...you sound like me about 5 wks ago... I also didn't understand how no one "got it" how it didn't make sense to me that I had lost a baby and everyone just pretended like it didn't happen!! It is hard, and frustrating, but remember, you have a ton of gals here that understand, and will be here to support you 100% of the way!!

I'm sorry that you are joining us. But you have found a great group of ladies for support. I have been following your post about ectopic or miscarriage this week and praying that everything would work out. It does hurt but the emotional pain slower heals over time. Jump in with us anytime, it was very therapeutic me on road to ttcal.
As for DH I thinks its common for them to close off and pretend that it didn;t matter. My DH was the same way. They feel like they have to be strong for us because we are the ones that go through all the physical stuff. It took my DH months before he broke down and admitted how heartbroken it was for him.

[mommie2many]

Im so sorry for your loss, you have found a great group of ladies here. They have really helped me alot. I agree no one understands unless they have had a m/c.

[ldovey83]

I am so sorry for your loss. I had been stalking your DDC and checking up on you to see how things were going.. I am terribly sorry you are having to go through this.. I just went throught my second one, and trust me it isnt any easier then the first one.. It is so hard to heal and have people have some freaking sympathy for you when they don't know what you are going through.. I mean even my DR hasn't been helpful. He has just made it that much worse.. These ladies have been great both here and the pregnancy loss board.. Take your time to grieve and grieve how you want too n ot how someone tells you too.. We are all here for you.. HUGS hun!!

[alicenwonderland]

Melissa-

I'm so sorry to see you here. My heart goes out to you. When I lost my baby people expected me to move on, but all I wanted to do was remember my baby. It takes a lot of time to feel functional again. It's definatley something you don't understand until you've been there. I remember wondering how the world was still turning, while my world was so completely shattered. Please know that there are people here, who understand your heartbreak, and would love to remember your baby with you. I found it helpful to "make up" things about my baby. We decided that our baby was a girl, and named her Sora. That way she's our daughter and not our loss. I'm sure you'll find a few ways of remembering your dear baby. If you need someone to talk to or ask questions, don't hesitate to ask. And as hard as it is to believe, it does get better. *Hugs*

[starrsgirl]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. There are still days when I think to myself "I don't know how I can get through this next week because I'm so sad". Whatever you are feeling, it's "normal" in the grieving process and we are all here to lend a listening ear.

I have found exactly 0 people who understand who haven't gone through a loss themselves. But that's why this board is so amazing...we have all been through it and understand.

[KDD]

I agree with what the other ladies have said. Unless you've been through it yourself, you just don't understand. I actually had someone tell me that I should go on anti-depressants. You need to take time to grieve the loss of your baby. Remember there is no timetable as to how long your grieving process should take. We are all here for you whenever you need us.

[jenine]

So much of what you said in this post really resonates with me. I too felt like no one really cared - people kept telling me it was "normal" and happened all the time, as if that makes it better. I know exactly what you mean when you said you were embarrassed. I don't have a clue why I would feel that way, but I did feel that too. I agree with the other ladies that you should talk to your husband about what you're feeling and how much your baby meant to you, no matter how long you were pregnant. Men always want to compartmentalize bad feelings and move on, or think of a "fix" for it. He probably doesn't get that you have to grieve and feel the way you feel for as long as it takes you to work through it.

Also, please don't feel bad about grieving when other people lose babies farther along than you, and how it could be worse. Sure, everything in life could be worse, right? But it doesn't make your own experience any less sad for you. There is nothing I can say other than it sucks and it is not fair, it hurts and it is just a horrible thing to go through, no matter how far along you are. I'm so sorry that it happened to you.

[Celena]

I wanted to respond to you earlier, but I've been struggling today...

I'm so very sorry about your loss Melissa, it's DIFFICULT!!! And don't feel embarassed or silly or anything because it's happening to you.... they're not going to judge you because something happened to you that is entirely out of your control. If anything they just won't understand or know how to be there for you, they may even seem like they're unsupportive because of those reasons.

Husbands do have feelings too and they won't admit them easily, at least mine wouldn't... he acted much the same as yours. We went thru 2 losses one after the other (July & August) He would say he understood, but you and I (and all the ladies here) know that our husbands CANNOT understand fully. They haven't gone thru POAS, the rash of emotions finding the + hpt, the symptoms of pg, and then... the spotting, the bleeding, the pains physically and emotionally. They will never know the extent of what we go thru, but they do go thru something internally too... they are sad about the loss, but they are mostly concerned with us and our emotions. They cannot stand when we're upset, sad, crying because they feel broken and failures because they cannot *fix* us or make it better.

Your DH isn't trying to be a jerkbutt intentionally, he just doesn't know what to say, or how, what to do for you. It's NOT an excuse Melissa... and I'm sorry you're feeling alone. Y'all definitly need to talk with each other, but in a non-defensive way and express the feelings you're both going thru. I cannot say it will *fix* everything, but it helps.

This is beyond your control, for what ever the reason is... it's devastating and I'm sorry.

I hope we can help you in some way!!! We're all here and hope you'll stick around (hopefully not for long... hope you'll get a bfp sooner than later)

[SkyBaby]

Oh hun...

I feel your pain. Other people's lives go on but I think it really takes someone who's had a miscarriage to understand what others who are having miscarriages feel. My husband was floored. He cried so hard he couldn't stand up. I did too. My parents cried for me as well. My mom has had 2 miscarriages and has 3 children. She understands what I went through. I saw myself as a mommy the second I saw the positive on that test. I still can't talk about out it without tearing up. It's been over a month.

There's nothing ashamed about being sad and mourning a very real loss. Just because others couldn't see your baby doesn't mean s/he wasn't there. Don't feel ashamed or embarrassed at all, ok hun? You have every right in the world to cry. Cry as much as you need to. Just because some ladies have lost babies further along than you were doesn't minimize your loss at all. Don't you let anyone make you feel that way.



PM if you would like to talk about anything.

[JessP]

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find some comfort here. Most ladies don't understand if they haven't been through it. Please feel free to vent, cry and share all your feelings here. This is a great group of ladies who are very supportive.
Jacqueline80 I am so sorry for your loss too hun. Please let us know if you need anything as well.

[Trish36]

Just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your loss!!! Not much more I can add that the other ladies haven't already said. HUGS!!!! I've had my first loss 6 months ago and I still have bad days sometimes. We are all here for you.

[amazing_love]

*popping in* I didn't read all the other responses but wanted you to know i care and have been thinking about you.

HUGE I'm so horribly sorry. I know how hard it is sweetie. Everything you're feeling is very understandable. It's so unfair that this happens and please know there's no right or wrong way to grieve. I'm also sorry your DH was insensitive. I know nothing i say will can make the sadness go away. I will continue to pray for you. HUGS!

[charm]

I just want to say sorry for your loss hun It is the most horrible thing for a woman to go through and I am sad you had to go through it I am currently having my second loss and I tell you the same as the other girls said I believe it's something you have to go through personally to understand it which is sad but true and as for DH men are from a totally different gene pool to us remember they are so unlike us woman we get attached from the second we see the bfp they only attach themselves when it's in there faces literally and if they are emotional they won't tell us.And please don't feel embarassed for telling people it is natural to tell the people we care when something exciting happens as they are the same people who support us when things go wrong that's how I try to see it.Take care of yourself and pm me if you need to chat.
Charm xxoo

[jensma]

I just miscarried four weeks ago and so I know exactly how you feel. There are all of these people around me getting pregnant and all I feel is hurt. My Dh doesn't necessarily get it either. He just figures we'll try again... It seems like b/c its not their body they don't really get it. It was horrible untelling our family too.

I am so sorry! We all care very much and are so sorry for your loss. It just seems like until you have experienced it yourself you just don't quite understand. So hopefully those people around you are lucky enough to never have had to go through this. But it makes you a stronger person in the end and you do appreciate what you have so much more!!

We are all think about you and hope for the best.