Alright I'm working towards testing. More nervous than I have ever been. Which I don't fully understand why. Maybe it's because I fear another BFN, or that my wish comes true and I finally get a BFP. oh boy so confused and nervous!!!!!

[jaypbee]

oh, good luck!!! are you testing tonight?!

yes

[Cathy =^..^=]

Go for it!

So I did and and BFN.

feels like AF is on the way I thought maybe I was confusing it and being pregnant. the evil witch will probably show tomorrow. I'm just beyond URGH!!!!!! I'm just so pissed off at the world. Why not me? why is this taking forever? I have been wanting a baby for 2 years with DH. And today I'm at my whits end. was it just a fluke last year when we got our bfp and then had our loss. Is there something going on that I can't change. Sorry I'm venting but I'm hating the world right now. I just want this game to be over and to have my happy ending, but it seems that the powers above don't feel like it's the right time. I want to yell screw u!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Celena]

GIGANTIC AIMZ!!

Lotsa LOVE to you honey

[mlyster]

Aimz - don't lose hope! You could still get the BFP you are hoping for. I have been testing too (this morning) and I also got a BFN AND I feel like AF is right around the corner too. I hope we both get the BFP's we want.

When are you testing again? When is AF due?

AF is due today or tomorrow. I won't test again until Sunday

[Oreobaby]

Aimz...I'm just curious...because I don't know your whole story...have you seen a dr. about what may be preventing you from getting PG again? It is really none of my business, but I hate to see people at their wits end...and I know how frustrating it is!! I haven't been trying nearly as long as you have, but did try for 14 months before I got my first I am sure you have seen this as well, but it helps me out when I'm feeling down to feel better, so thought I would post it here!!

I will be Better...

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better.

I will not be better because of genetics, or money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truely have appreciation are those who have to struggle to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of a chold, knowing I can comfort, hold and feed him, and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot, or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.

I count myself lucky in a sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I Have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, I mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.

I know that there is really nothing that I can say to help you feel better...a sucks...and it is very disheartening!! So here is also a great big huge

P.S. This poem is not in anyway to make mom's who got their quickly feel bad about it. I know you are wonderful mothers, and we will all be wonderful mothers!!

[mlyster]

I really hope you AF stays away and that you just implanted late.

[farasha]

I'm sorry hun. I hope you get a BFP instead of AF this weekend. I feel your frustration. I think you should just yell screw you to some random people on the street or in a small corner store, and run away, just to get it out of your system. It might be fun actually...

[Oreobaby]

Don't get me wrong from my previous message...I do still hope that you get a surprise !!!

Thanks Ladies,

Marci - that made me cry in a good way.

I have had testing before during the summer last year after my loss. But we didn't start trying again right away because emotional I wasn't ready. I had a doctors appt last month and he said I have to wait a few more months at least to test again because I'm under 30 and have been pregnant before. I trust my doctor but I'm just tired

[Kary♥RN]

Aimz.... SCREAM IT! SCREW U! It is ok to feel this way.... I pray you get your BFP, That you get your happy ending. I cried when I read your post. I can hear the frustration, I can hear the how you are giving up. DONT give up. I was at this point last month. I told my dh this was the last cycle... than I was going to the Dr.. I felt like I was broke. Heather asked me did I try pre-seed. I ordered it. It arrived right in time for ovulation. All I can say is your time will come.... AND I'm not giving up on you. It is not over untill the witch shows. HUGS

[~InHisHands~]

The TTC game is sooooooooooooo hard!

[JessP]

AIMZ so sorry you are going through this. I wish I could post something as nice as Marci did . But I do have for you and pray you get a BFP instead of AF this weekend.

[momof6lopez]

Aimz, Im so sorry for your frustrations. Please hold on dear, your dreams will come true soon. Hopefully in a few days you will get better news, but even if you dont this cycle, I pray it is soon. You deserve this, we all do. (BFP that is) Big hugs to you tonight and maybe tomorrow will be a little brighter.

[charm]

Aimz I pray tomorrow when you POAS it is a BFP!!!! I am sorry I know TTC is sucky and hard and tiring goodluck sweetie.

[Trish36]

Aimz, I'm sorry hun! I really hope that next time you test you will get that BFP!!!! Are you able to see a fertility specialist?? Seeing that you are in Ontario, call Astra Fertility Clinic, they don't need a referral and dr. Michael will run a whole bunch of tests and see what the best plan is for you to get you pregnant. That is where I went. It has been more than an average time for you and I would be a bit more aggresive to figure out what the heck is going on. Did DH get tested as well??? My DH had his sperm analysis and has to repeat it because the swimmers are a bit on the slow side. I know that the dr. tells you that you are still under 30 and have had a pregnancy...blah blah blah. Sorry, I just don't like leaving things in other people's hands....I hate when they make you wait. HUGS!!!!!

[.:Shortcake:.]

Bigs super giant hugs hun! I am so sorry that your body and the universe are not cooperating. I am in the same boat right now but finally they are diagnosing me with PCOS. They kept telling me I had symptoms of it but that I didn't actually have it and they were all wrong. So my advice is... if you honestly feel that something is wrong or that something has changed since you got pregnant talk to your doctor and have them do tests. I switched doctors and now I love mine. They actually listen and they understand that we know our bodies better than they do. Hugs hun.