[kitkat8323]

The appointment i had today was suppose to be when i heard my babies heart beat for the first time but instead i had to go and make sure she was gone, i get in trouble for something that happend from being caught up in the moment, i had to see many preggo women going for their appointments all happy and giddy, the whole time wonder why that couldnt be me why they got to keep their babies and i didnt, and tonight i just wanna give up im done i feel like i cant take anymore i hate seeing preggo people and babies but i cant get away from it i work at a daycare center so im surrounded all the time uggghhhh and to top it off i cant sleep tonight and im really really tired my fiancee has been sick the last 2 nights coughing and keeping me up so i figured id go back to my place to get some sleep but i cant sleep cause he isnt here next to me and i need him right now

im really irritated with everything my temper is flaring up my dr sucks major and i just wanna cry. im throwing in the white towel im done

days like this make me wonder if ill ever be able to try again cause i cant go through this again i cant do this anymore im tired of the emotions im tired of asking why knowing ill never get the answers all i want is my baby back and i cant have her its not fair

[Mel1979]

I am so, so sorry With our second loss we were in a similar situation where we had 2 weeks of bascially waiting for our babies heart to stop beating. It was so traumatic and devastating and I really feel what you are feeling and going through.

There is nothing I can say to make you feel better (I wish there was) but I wanted to let you know that all of your feelings are perfectly normal and as hard as it is at the moment you will get to a place when you are ready to try again. Take all the time you need and I wish you the very best of luck with your ttc journey. My Dr once said to me it can be such a soul destroying journey and that is so true but I know the reward at the end will be more than worth it and that keeps me going.

Big

[farasha]

Big hugs sweetie. I know there's not much I can say to make this pain go away, and I know how horrible Dr. visits can be after a loss. When I was waiting for my first D&C, I was in a room with a woman who had three young children and was pregnant with her fourth. They looked like such a happy family. My DH and I were just overwhelmed with jealousy because we couldn't even have one. I really wish they had separate waiting rooms for women who are grieving...it can be so traumatizing to return to the same place with a different and unhappier situation.

We keep trying because we want a child. It's what we have to do. And it's not easy. I wish I could make it better for all of us. But all I can do is offer you a hug. Take care of yourself!

[mommie2many]

Im so sorry for your loss. Hugs

[Loving6]

I'm sorry(((hugs)))

[sodagirl]

[JessP]

I am so sorry you are going through this and that your dr visit was so horrible. I agree with the other ladies. Time will help, and I wish there was more I could say. We all understand though and are here for you. There is also a pregnancy loss board that is wonderful. I only mention it because there are people announcing they are pregnant again and that might be hard for you or anyone grieving. Sending lots of healing prayers for you.

[Trish36]

Just wanted to send you some hugs!

[~InHisHands~]

I am so so sorry!!!

[Celena]

KitKat.....

I know you feel alone in this struggle, in this devastation and pain... but you don't know how far from true that is. There are so many of us out there that have had loss or losses! Altho' those women in the ob/gyn's office all seem happy n giddy you don't know if they have had the same struggles like us. Perhaps they've suffered a single or multiple losses and they finally got their little miracle! Don't give up, it WILL happen for you.... there are boatloads of ladies who've had a loss, 2 losses or several more losses that have gone on to have successfully concieved then had healthy pregnancies, & healthy babies. That will be you one day, but right now you're in the midst of a painful and all too real reality that many of us are suffering from.... IT SUCKS!!! IT'S NOT FAIR!!! But for whatever the reason may be, we have suffered them and all we can do is take things one day at a time to move on to healing physically and emotionally.... that takes time. As impatient beings that we are, we want instant gratification and lack in patience.

I'm sorry you're in such a deep, dark place right now.... I'm sorry for the pain and suffering you are going thru... I wish there was a magical wand I could wave and make you feel hopeful, happy and at peace internally. Hang in there, it's hard now however it will get easier with each day. Don't give up tho, never give up, never throw the towel in... unless you need to step back for you. Hang in there honey, the wound is fresh.... you have to give yourself time to *heal* which includes grieving


And just so you don't think I'm blowing smoke up your bum, I'm have my bad days.... I think we *all* do!!! Unfortunatly it's a new part of us

[kitkat8323]

Thanks ladies im doing a bit better im at the fiancees house tonight and just being around him really helps i think what really set me off yesterday was that my dr didnt even care enough to look at my chart before she walked in the room and she came in with a fetal doppler that was like the biggest slap in the face

[missy123]

I am so sorry and for that nurse to walk in there with that must have been that much harder. Having a loss is so horrible and the dark place that it takes us to is hard to get out of sometimes. I promise you it does get easier with time. The horrible minutes turn into hours and the hours turn into days and the days turn into weeks and the weeks turn into months. You don't ever forget, you just learn to deal with it a little better. ((Hugs))

[momof6lopez]

What a horrible follow up appt. Im so sorry for you, I think I would of lost it if that would of happened to me at my follow up appt. I understand and can relate to your pain and wanting to give up, I was there as well. Giving up is our hearts way of protecting us from a mental break down. In your own time, I beleive you will feel different. Im glad your SO is there with you right now, that does make a world of difference. I dont know what I would of done had I not of had my DH there with me 24/7 the first month after. I was like a leach, he could not shake me and Im never that clingy. Like I said, our minds have a way of protecting us from further pain and this is a very normal part of the healing.

[.:Shortcake:.]

I'm so sorry your going through this. Hugs.