[SkyBaby]

I keep telling myself I'm ok, but I'm not. I have better moments than others, but it doesn't help getting those rude reminders everywhere. I'm questioning things that should not be questioned. I don't know how many of you are Christians, but my faith hasn't ever been the strongest of faiths so to speak. This hurt is really deep. My husband keeps explaining to me why God won't stop this and that he wants me to trust in God and pray and praise Him. I'm just not there right now. I can't help but question everything and dwell on what ifs. I have no idea how to deal with this kind of grief. The only grief I've ever experienced, however sad it is, is the expected kind when a dear old grandparent passes away. I don't have a clue how to deal with surprise grief like this. Being a mother has always been my biggest dream. When I got that positive on that test, I jumped into mommy mode super quick. Then it was just taken away. I don't even know what to say. Words wont do my feelings justice. I don't even know if I made any sense..

[baby4me?]

You made perfect sense to me. After my first and second miscarriages I was very depressed. Both were early losses but I was sooo happy when I got my BFP's and I dreamed of feeling the baby grow inside me and holding him/her one day. Then that dream came crashing down when I miscarried. DH tried to understand but he didn't. I became more depressed and angry at DH because he didn't feel what I felt. We eventually saw a counselor and I ended up taking some medication for a little while to help with the depression.

I also became very angry at God because I didn't understand why this was happening to me. I actually have an aunt (who I see very rarely.. none the less) who told my mother she was very disappointed that my relationship with God suffered because of it. She was never able to have children herself (she adopted)... so it made me feel much worse because I still had a chance to have children but I was really struggling. I was just soooo sad about what could have been and was terrified I would never be able to have children.

So I guess I just wanted to say that you are not alone. Most people (especially husbands no matter how loving they try to be) don't understand what it is like unless you have experienced a loss.

Maybe you can sit down with DH and explain your feelings and that you need some time to heal.

[SkyBaby]

Originally Posted by baby4me?

You made perfect sense to me. After my first and second miscarriages I was very depressed. Both were early losses but I was sooo happy when I got my BFP's and I dreamed of feeling the baby grow inside me and holding him/her one day. Then that dream came crashing down when I miscarried. DH tried to understand but he didn't. I became more depressed and angry at DH because he didn't feel what I felt. We eventually saw a counselor and I ended up taking some medication for a little while to help with the depression.

I also became very angry at God because I didn't understand why this was happening to me. I actually have an aunt (who I see very rarely.. none the less) who told my mother she was very disappointed that my relationship with God suffered because of it. She was never able to have children herself (she adopted)... so it made me feel much worse because I still had a chance to have children but I was really struggling. I was just soooo sad about what could have been and was terrified I would never be able to have children.

So I guess I just wanted to say that you are not alone. Most people (especially husbands no matter how loving they try to be) don't understand what it is like unless you have experienced a loss.

Maybe you can sit down with DH and explain your feelings and that you need some time to heal.

Actually, he is being very sensitive. He cried so hard when I told him. I'm just depressed. After his tears, he was able to come to terms with it faster than I. Everytime I do explain what I'm feeling, he just keeps saying "Trust in God and praise Him. Things will get better". I'm not there right now. I don't know what to do about this I'm considering professional help.

[zkat]

Skybaby, First - Bigs Hugs to you. We all understand how you feel. Just today, I was sitting at my desk at work and started to cry, nothing even triggered it. I just felt very sad. You are going through the grieving process. Everything I have read has said this process is the same for a pregnancy loss as it is for a living child, parent, sibling etc.

Something I read not long ago has helped me a lot. I don't believe God "allows" terrible things to happen to us - They can't be stopped, it's a part of the free will we have been given. He will use the terrible things to teach us something we need to learn in our life.

Don't let what your Aunt said get you down - every person handles grief differently and honestly, your relationship with God is between you and God.

I Hope you feel better soon.

Kat.

[momof6lopez]

Im so sorry for your pain. I do have strong faith and can understand where your husband is coming from. When the pain is too much, I asked God to take it away, as I could not feel it any longer. He did slowly every day from that point on. I woke up with a little less pain in my heart. He will never take it all away, and I would not want him too. This pain that is deep in my heart now is my re-minder of the little girl I once carried and I hope it is there for the rest of my life.

Im sorry if this is too much talk about faith, Im just trying to show you maybe why your husband wants you to praise him. Your husband wants your pain to get better too, so he can feel less himself.

I hope soon you find some kind of comfort, if not from your faith, but from within yourself and your husband.

[SkyBaby]

Originally Posted by zkat

Skybaby, First - Bigs Hugs to you. We all understand how you feel. Just today, I was sitting at my desk at work and started to cry, nothing even triggered it. I just felt very sad. You are going through the grieving process. Everything I have read has said this process is the same for a pregnancy loss as it is for a living child, parent, sibling etc.

Something I read not long ago has helped me a lot. I don't believe God "allows" terrible things to happen to us - They can't be stopped, it's a part of the free will we have been given. He will use the terrible things to teach us something we need to learn in our life.

Don't let what your Aunt said get you down - every person handles grief differently and honestly, your relationship with God is between you and God.

I Hope you feel better soon.

Kat.

I just need time.

The more I think about it, the more what you said helps. Anthony (DH) knows some day we'll have a baby, but I wanted that one. I guess I'll just love my next baby all the more.

Originally Posted by momof4lopez

Im so sorry for your pain. I do have strong faith and can understand where your husband is coming from. When the pain is too much, I asked God to take it away, as I could not feel it any longer. He did slowly every day from that point on. I woke up with a little less pain in my heart. He will never take it all away, and I would not want him too. This pain that is deep in my heart now is my re-minder of the little girl I once carried and I hope it is there for the rest of my life.

Im sorry if this is too much talk about faith, Im just trying to show you maybe why your husband wants you to praise him. Your husband wants your pain to get better too, so he can feel less himself.

I hope soon you find some kind of comfort, if not from your faith, but from within yourself and your husband.

I need to work on strengthening my faith. I'm just so sad. Longing for what should have been.

The more I think about it, the more what DH tells me helps.. well helps the logic side of things at least. My emotions is another story.

thank you so much.. *hugs*

[Kary♥RN]

Skybaby.. HUGS.. I can tell you I think I am right with you with the not having the "strongest" of faiths.. to other peoples standards. I do believe in God, I believe he is with me.. but I do not always agree with what is going on in my life. I do not go to church.. I do not feel I have to go to church to be religious. With that being said.. The one thing that I am sick of hearing is... He has a bigger plan, put your faith in him, You shouldn't question, and my favorite.... You have to trust.... Well yes while I have faith.... I know first hand the pain good people go through. what I see everyday at my job I do question, I don't know if I can take this "bigger plan" If God dosen't want me to have any more children... Stop lettting me get pregnant.. and teasing me with the what could be. What kind of plan is that... It is like teasing a child with candy... I have trusted put my faith out thier, not once, not twice but now three times.. I am PIS-SED off now. I am hurt beyond belief. I am questioning and am mad at God. I work around death, and hold peoples hands as they die, I tell them it is ok to go and be with God. I pray with the family, I pray alone with the patients. I pray after they pass.. Don't question my belief... But I question why do we have to go through this again, and again, and again......

[momof6lopez]

Skybaby, when it comes down to it this pain is just going to take time. Everyone is different in how long and how hard this pain is. I have read stories of women who have been in pain for years and others for only months. There is no "right" time to let it go. Only you can determine this as the days go by. Until then, we are here for you and understand when it seems no one else does.

[noworries]

It's okay to feel how you feel. Don't feel bad because of what you are feeling. I am a Christ follower (not big on the word Christian, I prefer the term Christ follower) and I think that God is okay with us being angry and not understanding. I don't know how I would get through this loss without God and knowing that Eli is safe and happy in Jesus' arms but that doesn't mean I don't hurt and that I don't question why. Through all of the sorrow that me and DH have been through since we lost Eli, we are able to see all the blessings that God has given us and know that Eli touched our lives deeply and while I ache to have him with me, I know that I will see him again and hold him again one day.
I still get bothered a little bit though when the well meaning little old ladies at church tell me that God has a bigger plan....blah, blah, blah.
All this to say that it's okay to feel how you feel and give yourself time....God understands. And if you need to get professional help, that is more than ok too. HUGS honey. If you want to talk more, feel free to PM me.

[SkyBaby]

Originally Posted by Kary♥RN

Skybaby.. HUGS.. I can tell you I think I am right with you with the not having the "strongest" of faiths.. to other peoples standards. I do believe in God, I believe he is with me.. but I do not always agree with what is going on in my life. I do not go to church.. I do not feel I have to go to church to be religious. With that being said.. The one thing that I am sick of hearing is... He has a bigger plan, put your faith in him, You shouldn't question, and my favorite.... You have to trust.... Well yes while I have faith.... I know first hand the pain good people go through. what I see everyday at my job I do question, I don't know if I can take this "bigger plan" If God dosen't want me to have any more children... Stop lettting me get pregnant.. and teasing me with the what could be. What kind of plan is that... It is like teasing a child with candy... I have trusted put my faith out thier, not once, not twice but now three times.. I am PIS-SED off now. I am hurt beyond belief. I am questioning and am mad at God. I work around death, and hold peoples hands as they die, I tell them it is ok to go and be with God. I pray with the family, I pray alone with the patients. I pray after they pass.. Don't question my belief... But I question why do we have to go through this again, and again, and again......

That does sound cruel. If you can't have any more children, then He needs to stop letting you get pregnant only to take it away from you. I too am mad at God. Children aren't supposed to die. I want *this* baby. I'll love any babies I do manage to have even more.

I've had just about as much of that as I can stand as well. It takes someone who has had a loss to know how to handle others who have. My mom had 2 losses. They were early on. I'm the oldest of 3. My brother (17) was supposed to have a twin and there's a baby between my sister (11) and my brother. She knows what I'm going through. I remember both. She cried and cried. Things did seem to get easier for her.

I have a feeling a will really help me.

Originally Posted by momof4lopez

Skybaby, when it comes down to it this pain is just going to take time. Everyone is different in how long and how hard this pain is. I have read stories of women who have been in pain for years and others for only months. There is no "right" time to let it go. Only you can determine this as the days go by. Until then, we are here for you and understand when it seems no one else does.

Thank you so much.. I'm thinking I just need time. I have a serious feeling a and a fresh start will help me.

Originally Posted by chispaza

It's okay to feel how you feel. Don't feel bad because of what you are feeling. I am a Christ follower (not big on the word Christian, I prefer the term Christ follower) and I think that God is okay with us being angry and not understanding. I don't know how I would get through this loss without God and knowing that Eli is safe and happy in Jesus' arms but that doesn't mean I don't hurt and that I don't question why. Through all of the sorrow that me and DH have been through since we lost Eli, we are able to see all the blessings that God has given us and know that Eli touched our lives deeply and while I ache to have him with me, I know that I will see him again and hold him again one day.
I still get bothered a little bit though when the well meaning little old ladies at church tell me that God has a bigger plan....blah, blah, blah.
All this to say that it's okay to feel how you feel and give yourself time....God understands. And if you need to get professional help, that is more than ok too. HUGS honey. If you want to talk more, feel free to PM me.

Thank you so much. The more I think about it, the more it seems a and a fresh start will really help me.

I have had just about as much as I can handle of the "bigger plan" stuff. As true as it may or may not be, it doesn't help me. Not the kind of help I need. I'm not really sure what kind of help I'm talking about. I think I'm ready for the pain to ease now.

Eli was such a sweet little angel. That's a beautiful picture of him. He looks so peaceful. I'm sure he knew how much he was loved. Something that is hugely comforting to me is the fact that all babies who died will be reunited with their mothers. I will have a healthy baby to look forward to for when the Lord comes and so will you.