In the 2WW with long, rambling thoughts...

krystal g · #1 September 17th, 2009, 07:19 AM

Bear with me cause this sounds crazy...

The weird thing is I have a totally different attitude this time. Maybe attitude is not the right word, because I'm always hoping and wanting, but I "feel" different this time. Last month I just knew was not our month from the very beginning. I still POAS like crazy (I mean, why wouldn't I, right?) but I never once had any hope that I would get a BFP. I just didn't "feel" it.

This month we BD'd a bit more and used pre-seed just for a little extra insurance, but if anything, I've been more lax this month. I really didn't use OPKs or Robitussin and didn't obsess pre-O because I've been so consumed with my broken foot. Routine things are a lot more difficult for me right now and it's sometimes a struggle to do the basics, so I just didn't obsess about my days and days of OPK POAS pre-O.

But I've had these thoughts in my head the last couple of days...strange, positive thoughts. I don't know where it's coming from. I actually got online and was looking at winter maternity clothes! WTH??!

I usually start testing early and that way I'm not disappointed by the time AF shows up. And it works for me. I may be a tiny bit let down, but I can handle it. And it's freaking me out right now, this positive attitude I have that this is going to be our month, because I don't want to be really sad if it's not.

And I know this does not make any logical sense AT ALL, but when we first started TTC it took us 3 cycles for our BFP. This is my 3rd cycle since the m/c. Maybe this is where it's stemming from? I just can't shake the feeling that I'm pregnant (and I'm only 3dpo so no EPS or anything). And that makes me want to cry because I'm scared to death that this month is going to be a huge failure. I have not felt this emotionally vulnerable since our loss. Only 3dpo ladies...what the he!! am I going to do?

momof6lopez · #2 September 17th, 2009, 08:07 AM

I remember at 4dpo, I got the worse cold/flu in the world. It really took my mind off of "am I?". I know what you mean about feeling so vulnerable because your letting yourself feel so positive. But, for the last several cycles, I have just let go of the anxiety of making a baby and I think it worked. Dont get me wrong, I still used my opks, and tested like a freak every month, but the let down was not as bad as before. I even got a RE referal for next month, just planning ahead but not feeling to bad about it. Just go's to show you when you let the anxiety go, your body responds.

Im praying for your BFP, cant wait to see it.

Lori

SmileyJen2009 · #3 September 17th, 2009, 08:26 AM

I totally get what you mean about not wanting to get your hopes up, but I truly believe that you should trust your gut instincts! I had a gut instinct I was pg before I tested in May and sure enough, I was! I had never had that strong of a feeling before. And then before I found out it wasn't viable, I had a strong feeling that something bad was going to happen.
I also believe in the power of positive thinking, like in the book The Secret. I haven't read it but I've heard a lot about it and apparently, positive thinking works wonders for your life. So keep up the positive thoughts and I really hope you get your BFP!
Stay sane in the TWW!

krystal g · #4 September 17th, 2009, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SmileyJen2009

...you should trust your gut instincts! I had a gut instinct I was pg before I tested in May and sure enough, I was! I had never had that strong of a feeling before. And then before I found out it wasn't viable, I had a strong feeling that something bad was going to happen.

So did I! Although I was very excited a being pg last time, I knew something was wrong. I think maybe all along. I just couldn't stop feeling that I was going to miscarry. Of course I always knew it was a possibility and I know everyone worries a bit, but my mom even said something to me wondering why I was so worried, that everything was fine. And the moment I had spotting, despite everyone telling me it was nothing...spotting was common, I knew in my heart it was over.

I hope my feelings are right this time...

.:Shortcake:. · #5 September 17th, 2009, 08:41 AM

Oh hunnie! I know it is difficult to stay positive but we can not dwell. In all honesty we do not have control over this at all. I pray that you are not let down and this is your bodies way of telling you that you are pregnant. Hugs hun

SkyBaby · #6 September 17th, 2009, 10:22 AM

I think you should trust your instincts! I started spotting at the beginning of my pregnancy and everyone told me it was nothing, but I knew it was over. Similar to your story it seems. I hope this month is it for both of us!

Trish36 · #7 September 17th, 2009, 10:38 AM

oh gosh.....hope the 2WW goes by fast for you. Who am I kidding....it never does.

hang in there...just 1 more week before you can start poas.

stargatemommy · #8 September 17th, 2009, 10:43 AM

I think you just have to wait and see! I am glad you're positive though. If you believe it hard enough maybe it's true...

starrsgirl · #9 September 17th, 2009, 03:13 PM

I'm in the 2WW too! Let's keep each other sane....I'm going nuts over here. I'm feeling really vulnerable as well. I'm bracing myself for that big "crash" or letdown when AF shows. Every month that goes by makes you feel defeated, huh? I hope this is the month for both of us!!!! Come on BFPs!

krystal g · #10 September 18th, 2009, 06:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starrsgirl

I'm in the 2WW too! Let's keep each other sane....I'm going nuts over here. I'm feeling really vulnerable as well. I'm bracing myself for that big "crash" or letdown when AF shows. Every month that goes by makes you feel defeated, huh? I hope this is the month for both of us!!!! Come on BFPs!

Liz, looks like we're the same dpo...how great would that be to both get our BFPs! (and for everyone else trying too, of course)

I'm not sure I know what sane is anymore, but I'm willing to give it a try!

starrsgirl · #11 September 18th, 2009, 10:27 AM

Yeah for cycle buddies!!! I think I may be actually 6 DPO. I ended up O'ing quite a few days earlier than usual (I mean, I think at least). But who really knows, right? I'm pretty sure I didn't O last cycle so it's all a crapshoot anyway. When are you going to test?

Symptom check! What do you have so far? I've had a few twinging cramps and it's possible my boobs feel ever so slightly bigger.

Coincidentally, I also used Pre-Seed this cycle. If I get a BFP this cycle, I will be their best spokewoman ever!!!!

SkyBaby · #12 September 18th, 2009, 10:38 AM

I hope everyone has their bfps! I'm in my 2ww as well.

krystal g · #13 September 18th, 2009, 11:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by starrsgirl

Yeah for cycle buddies!!! I think I may be actually 6 DPO. I ended up O'ing quite a few days earlier than usual (I mean, I think at least). But who really knows, right? I'm pretty sure I didn't O last cycle so it's all a crapshoot anyway. When are you going to test?

Symptom check! What do you have so far? I've had a few twinging cramps and it's possible my boobs feel ever so slightly bigger.

Coincidentally, I also used Pre-Seed this cycle. If I get a BFP this cycle, I will be their best spokewoman ever!!!!

Symptoms: I'm sooooo tired. And I've gotten 7-9 hours of sleep each night for the last several nights so I can't blame lack of sleep. And I've had off and on nausea for the last couple of days. I keep feeling my boobs but no soreness yet. (I hope nobody at work notices!)

My temp really dropped this morning so I'm hoping that it's early implantation. But I'm a little anxious about it because it's really early and my temps/charts are usually "textbook" perfect...now I just have one more thing to obsess over. All I can say is my temp better jump back up tomorrow morning or else there will be he!! to pay.

I try to wait until 10dpo to start wasting, er, I mean taking tests. But let's be honest, if I think there's a chance that I implanted at 4dpo then that means I can start testing at 6-7 dpo, right? I can justify it then....

So I should test next Thursday but you know I'm not going to make it that long. Luckily I have 20ish hpts at home that are begging to be used. (One of these days I think my DH may cut me off...totally block the early pregnancy tests website for fear of bankruptcy)