[momma2princesses]

When I found out I was preggo it took me about six tests to even believe it. I took four at home tests, and two in the doctors office. I didnt feel pregnant. THe whole pregnancy I was spotting (brown) then I had IB, abd then regular bleeding. I never had sore bbs, nausea, or even fatigue. My DR told me that every pregnancy is different...but i just thought it was SO strange that i didnt feel pregnant...AT ALL.

Anyone else relate? I think I knew something was off. I never believed that that tiny little baby was going to be born...its so sad, but i just had a terrible feeling about it. I actually begged and bargained with God about it too. I prayed "If You just let me keep this baby... I promise I will be a better Christian! I will go to church every Sunday no matter what....I will be nicer to my SIL, I will be a more patient wife, and more active with volunteering at church..... PLEASE God...I just really want this little baby!"

I mean...who else prays to God before they even have signs of a m/c? Its like I knew deep down that that little bean wasnt going to stick. It just makes me so sad I prayed for that little baby...it was just so weird that I wasnt more excited when i got my BFP... I was in disbelief. Maybe thats why...

[Mel1979]

I can totally relate. This is exactly how I felt with my 2nd pregnancy. It took me over a week to believe it and that was only after a blood test and even then it I was just so anxious all the time and didn't feel right. I put it down to having anxiety after experiencing a loss but I think I always knew. Going for that first scan I was so nervous and terrified and I was right My DH had exactly the same feeling (and even our parents did but they didn't say anything at the time of course).

I am now 8 weeks, 2 days pregnant and this time I feel completely different. When I got my BFP we were both so excited, more excited then scared which I didn't think would be possible after 2 losses. So far everything has been different with this pg, symptoms, levels etc so I am hoping they are all good signs and we have good news at our scan next week.

I am hoping by your last sentence you are not blaming yourself at all? I went through that guilt as well thinking maybe I needed to be more positive (which I tried so hard to be - I created a ticker and went to the PAL thread). But there is nothing either of us could have done, unfortunately it was going to happen no matter how we felt and it certainly doesn't mean we loved our baby any less. I even feel guilty this time as although I feel different and much more positive this time (and so does DH - he talks about when the baby comes all the time!) I still can't bring myself to create a ticker or go to the PAL thread. I am so scared to tempt fate. Our parents feel differently this time as well, I am having to hold our mums back from buying things!

I am so sorry for you loss and wish you the best of luck and hope you get your sticky BFP soon!

[momma2princesses]

thanks for your response And sorry for your losses... I didnt mean that I think my negative thinking caused the miscarriage, i just meant maybe deep down I knew more than I should have

I have been obsessed with babies since I started TTC in July.. then after losing that first little bean I am even more obsessed. I cant sleep tonight because i want to come online and buy a bunch of opks, preseed, fertility blends... and mucinex lol ugh...TTC is so stinking stressful! I just want to go back to NTNP...but how do you do that when you can still see your CM, and still feel your twinges in your ovaries? My first two children were incredible surprises. DH and I decided for one more and were excited to actually TTC. Now I hate it!!

[Mel1979]

Yeah, I think a woman's intuition can be very powerful. Before I got this BFP I really knew I was pregnant and I was right!

I know only too well the obsession of ttc, we tried for 2 years and 2 losses before this BFP and there is still a long way to go this time.

You go through really low points in this journey but the only advice I can give you is allow yourself to feel whatever emotions you need to and don't give up! Most couples can take 6-12 months (some unfortunately longer) to conceive and it seems like forever but I just keep reminding myself the reward at the end will be so worth it. I also believe knowledge is power so if you want to buy OPK's and preseed etc - go for it! There are a number of ladies on here who temp to pinpoint ovulation so that is another option.

I really hope you get your sticky BFP soon!

[.:Shortcake:.]

I also had a feeling....... I knew something wasn't right and no one would listen to me. I'm praying when I get pregnant again it will feel different!

[SkyBaby]

I know exactly how you feel. My symptoms were so mild and they actually lessened over time instead of intensified. I think it took me 6 tests to believe it as well. I prayed and prayed for my baby, too. I remember being happy day to day until what should have been the 7th week. I woke up that morning with a feeling of dread. I couldn't stop crying all day. That was before I started bleeding heavily. I didn't start spotting until around 6 weeks and 6 days. I just knew it was over. He was gone. At that point, no more pregnancy symptoms.

My husband told me something profound. I was questioning God and asking why, when I prayed and prayed and prayed some more for a healthy baby. Miscarriages and all sicknesses are consequences of sin. When God first made Adam and Eve, they were perfect. Their bodies were perfect. When Eve sinned, they covered their nakedness, and from that moment on, our genes and everything else concerning our bodies, became imperfect. My husband went on to say that no one sin can be hooked to our miscarriages. The point is, miscarriages are a consequence of sin, which made us, and our genes, imperfect and broken.

Sorry to get all preachy on you. When he told me, I wasn't there. My mind refused to go there. I needed someone to blame. Something to be mad at. I gradually came to the realization to not blame God for our problems. I blame the devil and pray and pray God protects His children. I know he'll give both of us a baby someday.

If you're not there right now either, that's fine. What my husband explained and how he explained it helped me. I don't even know if I did what he said justice. I just hope it gives you at least some peace in these hard times.

*hugs*

[krystal g]

I had that feeling too, unfortunately. I had really bad morning sickness, sore bbs and fatigue, so I can't blame lack of symptoms for my feelings of dread, but from the very beginning I was anxious and had a feeling that I was going to miscarry. And it was my first and I had no reason to believe that my bean wouldn't stick. It was like I just knew. And when I started spotting I knew that it was over, despite everyone telling me that it was normal and I would be fine. I wanted to be positive, I just knew deep down that I was going to miscarry. After I miscarried, a friend of mine (a male) said to me "you knew it all along, didn't you?" I just think we know sometimes, YKWIM?


I just hope that this "feeling" is right when it comes to BFPs as well!

[momma2princesses]

thanks ladies It makes me feel better to know that I just wasnt being extremely negative With my first two daughters i never worried at all. I was just so stinking confident in those pregnancies! I hope that with my next little bean I can have that then too!

[starrsgirl]

I'm anxiously looking forward until my next pregnancy to see how it will be. With my second pregnancy, I just had this feeling that something wasn't right. The night before my ultrasound, I started freaking out. My DH and two good friends all laughed and reassured me that everything was fine. I even went and took 2 more pregnancy tests (this was at 7.5 weeks) and they came back positive. So, nothing to worry about right? I went for the ultrasound and everything was perfect! Just perfect...but I still didn't feel right about it.

Finally, after about 2 more weeks, I started to accept that I was pregnant and it would be OK. But then we went for our next ultrasound at 10.5 weeks and there was no heartbeat anymore. It was very sad but emotionally, I felt like I was learning what I knew all along.