[momof6lopez]

I kept POAS since I found I out I was pg and as of 14dpo and 15dpo they have gotten much lighter. We all know what that means, and I dont mean just a little lighter either. 13dpo was very dark and the last couple of days it looks like 12dpo again. I know the only reason Im not bleeding or cramping is due to the wonder drug prometrium.

Im hurt, agry, worn out and just plain tired. My heart, my body and my mind cannot do this anymore. Jerry and I have talked about going back on birth control and calling it quits.

I will get my final blood draw on Monday and have both of my results on Tuesday, and I know that my dr. will want me to pick up the RE referral now. I just dont think I have it in me anymore to go through this. I feel as if Im purposely putting myself in pain, when I have a option not to anymore.

We will see how I feel in the next month or so. I know Im full of emotion right now and will wait till Im in a better state to make a life long decision.

Thank you for everything and being back here is the only thing that has lifted my spirits. I never did feel like I fit anywhere else anyway.

Lots of Love Girls, and Lots of Baby Dust to All Of You.

Sunday 9/20
I went to the ER on the advice of a memeber here, Missy, to try and get some answers before Tuesday. Thank God I did, and to Missy for telling me to do so. They feel 90% that this is an ectopic pregnancy. They found a large complex cycst next to the ovary, which has been causing me pain. Usually normal pregnancy cycsts are on the ovary, this one is spaced out implying that it is in the tube. I will go back to the dr. for a stat HCG test in the am, and if the levels have not dropped any more, I will get that shot (metha-something) to end the pregnancy. Im in some pain right now, but against dr. orders I really wanted to go home. My heart hearts more than my baby who did not make it to my uteris. Im just lucky that they found it now, rather than loosing my tube. I will update tomorrow when I get home. Thank you for being here for me in my dark hours and hopefully next time the baby makes it to the right place.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Oh I am so sorry hun. Big hugs. Its just not fair.

[SkyBaby]

I'm so sorry hun. Huge hugs to you. I'm praying for you.

[missy123]

I love you and praying that all is ok. I am trying to let all of these emotions settle before I write you back fully. I am hurting for you.... Tons of love and hugs across the miles to you.

[Celena]

Lori, I'm sooooo sorry! (so sad too!!!) Please don't let this break you, don't let this make you back down... I know what you mean when you feel like you might be setting yourself up for heartbreak, when you could prevent it BUT you cannot prevent it!!! You don't *know* that this would happen, no one but the big man above did... and even He wouldn't want you to suffer. I don't think God is vengeful, but He has His purpose. Trusting that purpose is extremely difficult for us when it hurts so bad.

You're in my thoughts lady and I'll continue to pray for you!!!

Please kup, we're here for you when you need us

[kellysensei]

So sorry. It's really not fair, is it? It's okay to be hurt and depressed now. Don't make any decisions about the future for at least a few weeks. I'm sure you'll want to try again. This is just a bump in the road - it will happen someday!

[JessP]

I am so sorry for another loss for you. I was really hopeing this was it for you. Lots of Hugs.

[Kary♥RN]

Lori, My heartbreaks for you, I didn't want to open this post. I hate wnen our ladies come back. As for not wanting to go on.... I can not say I didn't feel that way, or don't right now... How much hurt can one person endure? How much loss is too much? I hope you do see the RE before you make a final desision on what you will do. I know in the comming weeks, I will have a bucket load of Dr visits.. than dh and I will sit down and decide if the complications weigh out me geting pregnant. If you need to talk PM me.. I know sometimes it is nice to have that voice say " I totally UNDERSTAND" HUGS

[..Penelope..]

NO!! Lori, I'm so sorry You and your DH are in my T&P.

[starrsgirl]

I'm so truly sorry. Please know that I am thinking of you. I know that this time is so hard for you. Please keep talking to us on this board. We all understand exactly what you are feeling right now. Take care of yourself over there...sometimes you gotta put yourself first when you are down, you know?

[Trish36]

Oh Lori, I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I know exactly how you feel. Just wanted to send you some big HUGS!!!!! You can PM me if you want to talk.

[farasha]

I really hate to see this. I am so sorry hun. BIG HUGS. I don't understand why this happens to some of us more than once.. as if once isn't bad enough... I hope that you get some answer soon and you will be back on the road to a healthy baby. Stay strong, but let yourself have a good cry first. Thinking of you...

[jensma]

I'm sorry Lori!!!

[Trish36]

Lori I am so sorry you are going through another loss but am really glad that it was caught so early on. Hope that you will recover quickly. Poor little bean!!! I'll be thinking of you!! HUGS!!!!

[momof6lopez]

Bump, update in first post

[..Penelope..]

I'm glad that Missy suggested you go to the ER. Once again, I'm so sorry, honey

[Celena]

Thank gawd you went to the ER Lori!!! WOW!! You have an optimistic way of looking at it, thankfully it was caught and you won't loose a tube... methotrexate I think is the med they might be talking about.

I'm so sorry, please let us know what's going on after your appt tomorrow... we're all here praying and thinking of you. Our hearts are breaking for you honey I'm so sorry you're expierencing this tho!!!

[mmllhh]

I'm so sorry for you, it's just not fair.

[stargatemommy]

I am SO sorry! I was really hoping you would have a good pregnancy.This is just horrible... Again, I am so sorry...

[charm]

Lori,
I am so sorry *HUGS* it's not fair.