[lem0ndr0p]

Hi all! Unfortunately I'm having to post here again. I just suffered my second loss of the year. I am absolutely devestated. I found out I was pg in March, but I just felt like something wasn't right. My tests never got dark and within a week I started bleeding. It took us 7 months to get pg again and I was so happy 2 weeks ago and saw those 2 pink lines. I just knew that this one would work out. I figured last time was a fluke and it was probably for the best. After spotting brown for a week I lost our second baby over the weekend. We knew it wasn't going to work last thursday when we went for blood work and an ultrasound. I was supposed to be 6 weeks, but there was no sac, no yolk, no nothing. Then the dr called with the beta number- 66. She said I would probably start bleeding in a day or so and she was right. Heavy bleeding all weekend. I feel so ripped off and I am devastated that we have to start all over again. Not only do I have to mourn the due date (Nov 2) of the first baby, but I don't even get to be happy and pregnant. Then in May I get to mourn another due date loss. We do have a plan for the next pregnancy, so that makes me feel better.

If that wasn't enough of a vent, I feel like my family does not even support my decision to have another child. I have 3 children from a previous marriage. We were young when we had them (22) and I had them back to back. I was pregnant for 4 years in a row, counting the very first m/c that I've had. I was married, but we were definitely not financially secure. My parents helped us out alot. I then got divorced and it was a complete struggle. My dad did everything he could to keep me and my kids going. Fastforward to now... 7 years later. I have been married for 1 year. My husband and I have obviously been trying to have a baby. I understand that years ago I was irresponsible and put alot of strain on my family, but now anytime they get a chance, my mom, dad, sister (and we won't even go into her story) remind me that I don't really need any more dependents. I love my children, I take care of my children and I am in a very stable marriage. My husband loves me and my children and he will do anything for us. Now, that I have had a second loss they make me feel so guilty about even thinking of bringing another baby in the mix. I almost feel like they are relieved. Like I said, I could understand if I was on welfare and asking for money every week, but I have done a lot of changing and growing up and I don't feel like it's irresponsible to have a baby with my husband. I'm dealing with enough as it is without having to hear their two cents. This last time I didn't even tell them that I was pg until I had m/c. I just don't feel like hearing "are you sure you want to have another?" or "thank goodness you guys have not had a kid yet." On top of that I get to hear after this loss... well at least you can get pregnant. Or you already have 3 children. You should feel blessed. YES, thankyouverymuch... I do have 3 children and I AM extremely blessed. I thank the good Lord everyday for my beautiful blessings, but am I not entitled to mourn my losses?!?! Those babies would be a blessing just as much as my other children. *** does all that mean anyway? I think I need sometime from my family. I really just want to be left alone.

I'm so sorry for this long vent! I just want to get it out. If there was anyway to scream here I would be doing that too. I am just so sad. I am so sorry for your losses as well. I lurk here frequently and it breaks my heart to see some of you that have had so much trouble. My prayers and thoughts are with your families also. Thanks!

Lemon

[Kary♥RN]

Lemon HUGS.... I am so sorry for your losses.... It is so hard when other people don't understand... it is devestating when it is your family that doesn't. I am sorry you have to go through this. I am gald you have found us. We can understand. We will let you vent, we will support you! I have heard simular stories, I have a family that just dosn't understand. And it adds salt to that already wide open wound. Welcome to the board. HUGS

[lem0ndr0p]

Thanks, Kary! My name is Cary I just don't understand why it matters if I have 2 kids or 20. I love my kids, sometimes they are a handful, but I love them and I love being pregnant and bringing babies into this world. It's such a special gift that I get to have and that my husband can experience with me. Just because my dad and mom didn't want to have a passel of children, doesn't mean I don't. If I could I would have 3 more, but my husband only wants 1 of his own and that's what we compromised on.

Thank you for your response, though, it really means a lot that I can talk to someone.

[missy123]

lemon, I remember you from before. I am sorry you are here again

I have a lot more to say but just forgot that my son has an eye appt and I need to run out the door.

((Hugs)) I have 3 boys and want another and am getting the same reaction from my family.

[zkat]

Cary, I am so sorry to meet you in this way. I understand how much it stings when the harshest words you hear after a m/c are from the person you are counting on helping you the most. The only hurtful words after my m/c came from my step mom - she told me "You know, thats the problem with finding out so early, before you never would have known" ***?! - I was 9.1 weeks, I think I would have noticed 3 missing periods!!!! Of course, the absolute worst is what she said to my sister, who happen to be m/c the exact same week as me "You know - all that stress you were under at work can sometimes cause this? DOUBLE ***?! - It was my sisters 3rd loss and I don't think her stress level at work had anything to do with it!

So, hopefully my insensitive family will give you some laughs and let you know, it's not just your family.

I will grieve with you and I understand what you are going through and yes, it is only your business how many children you have. If they are not supporting you, it is none of their business.

Hope you feel better soon.

Kat.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Lemon hugs hun. I am so sorry your going through this again. I can imagine how hard it would be with a family that is not supportive. Don't let them get you down and make you give up on your dream. It does not matter how many kids you have. Its your choice and if you can take care of them it shouldn't matter.

[Trish36]

Cary, I am so sorry for your losses and that your family is not being supportive or understanding. HUGS!!!! I also have 3 children and a lot of people look at me like I've grown another head when I say that I am trying to have another one. And yes, I do get the same comments: you should be thankful for your children. And of course I am, but that doesn't mean that I can't have another one. Vent away!!! I'm glad that your DH is supportive...you'll just have to learn not to let other's comments get to you.

[Boble]

just wanted to offer you some *hugs*

It would be so so difficult to go through these losses without feeling as though you have the support of your family

[Loving6]

I'm sorry

[Celena]

Lemon, I'm sorry you don't feel like your family is supportive of you and says hurtful things about your losses. They just don't get it, they won't until it were to happen to them....

GIANT HUGS TO YOU

below is some information that might be helpful, I posted the link and the info from the page... reading it might help might not, but I hope it helds even if it's just a tiny bit

Miscarriage Encouragement & Support

Encouragement & Support
The stress and emotions of miscarriage and grief can take its toll. Check out the practical tips and advice below adapted from the book Hope is Like the Sun © Copyright 2004.

Plagued by Sleepless Nights? Tips for a Good Night's Sleep

Experiencing a Lack of Energy? Practical Exercise Tips

Feeling Alone? Reach Out & Touch Someone

Feeling Down? Tips for Conquering Depression

Angry? Steps for Resolving Anger


Tips for a Good Night's Sleep

If you are having trouble sleeping try these suggestions:
Avoid caffeine or reduce your intake of coffee, colas, tea and even chocolate.

Stick to a routine. Get up and go to bed at the same time every day.

Read a book before bedtime. If a novel keeps you up, find a boring book.

Be sure the room temperature is comfortable-not too hot or too cold.
Stick to quiet activities the last hour before bed.
Avoid heavy meals before bed that can disrupt sleep .
Turn off radios, TV, etc. The noise can affect the quality of your sleep .

Exercise for 20-30 minutes at least 4 hours before bedtime. Be sure not to exercise close to bedtime- your body will still be ‘hyped up.’
Drink warm milk- yes it really does work. Plain milk is a natural sedative.
Take a warm shower or relaxing bath before bed.
Try deep breathing and relaxation techniques while lying in bed.
Visualize a quiet and peaceful place.
Avoid alcohol and sleeping pills. These are only temporary fixes that can lead to dependency and other issues later on.

Practical Exercise Tips

At a time when your energy levels are down it can be difficult to think about exercise . However, routine physical activity promotes better health, increases fitness and causes the body to function better. It also cleanses the body, energizes you and relieves stress . Exercise not only reduces stress hormones, it also triggers the release of hormones that cause a feeling of well-being.
Here are some tips to help you get started:
Consult your doctor before starting any exercise program. Inform your physician about what is happening in your life and ensure that your health is closely monitored.

Realize that your reaction time and coordination may be reduced during grief.

Find an exercise you like! It does not have to be a typical exercise- dancing, swaying to music, gardening, yard work and even household chores can be great physical activities for your body.
Set aside time to exercise regularly.
Turn routine tasks or errands into exercise . Take the stairs instead of the elevator, walk to the store or park far away from the entrance.
If the weather is nice, enjoy the outdoors. Fresh air and sunshine are great for lifting your spirits. Taking a walk down the street, jogging through the park, or running on the beach can be a great way to exercise and feel better.



Reach Out & Touch Someone

Having contact with another person is a physical need during grief that can be overlooked. Touching, hugging and holding another person is both comforting and healing.
Here are some great ways to connect with others:
Hold hands with your spouse or a close friend.

Hug and play with children.
Cuddle pets.
Get a massage.
Have a manicure or pedicure.
Have your hair washed and styled at a salon.
Hugs. When you need a hug- ask for one!




Conquering Depression

Sadness, hopelessness and depression can be one of the hardest parts of grief. Getting through this critical time is difficult, but it can actually make way for healing.
Here are some suggestions when you are coping with depression :
Resist the temptation to be alone! Do not cut yourself off from others. You need them now more than ever.
Connect with the ones you love. Feeling love and support from family members, friends, your spouse and God can help.
Pray and meditate. Read positive books, articles, and quotations.
Stay busy. Discovering a new hobby, taking a class, or volunteering and helping others can keep you from slipping into inactivity. They also keep your mind off of your grief.
Return to work . If you have not already done so, returning to a productive and structured workday can help to alleviate depression . This safe environment can provide friendly support as well as a feeling or returning to ‘normal.’ Day-to-day tasks will also distract your mind from grief.
Keep a journal. Writing down feelings that are too difficult to speak into words can be both cleansing and healing.
Stay away from excesses such as alcohol , excessive eating, illegal drugs , overworking, or promiscuity. These things are only temporary escapes and they can be harmful to your physical and emotional well-being.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help! If you have several symptoms that persist for several weeks, get professional help immediately. There are treatments and medications that can help. If you experience any suicidal thoughts call 911 immediately.
Remember that better days are coming. When you are facing the very heart of grief, try your best to focus on moving toward your future.
For more information on depression, check out the Resources & Links page.



Steps for Resolving Anger
Anger can be a difficult emotion to handle. Here are some steps you can take if you are feeling angry:
Write a letter to the person you feel angry with: yourself, your baby, your spouse, a family member, or even God .
Talk to a close friend or professional about the anger you are feeling.
Find a healthy outlet for your anger such as punching a pillow, intense exercise, yelling or screaming aloud (not at another person) or even running around the block as fast as you can.
Help another person. Use your restless energy to clean someone’s house, mow a lawn or fix a meal for someone in need. Focusing on others is a great way to take your mind off your pain.
Cry. Many women (and even men) release their anger through tears.
Confront the source of your anger. If you are angry with a spouse or family member have an honest discussion during a time when you are NOT feeling angry. If needed, ask a close friend or professional to help.
If you are angry with God or your baby, face an empty chair and have a ‘confrontation,’ expressing your anger. For more information on anger at God see the faith and beliefs page.

[lem0ndr0p]

Thanks EVERYONE for such kind responses! I look forward to getting through this with you guys!