[madmum_sarah]

well, i figured it had been a while since i actually posted here. i do still stalk you but find it hard knowing if i should post or not.
a little bit for people who dont know me.
im sarah (32) suffer from endo, pcos, had P.I.D and lost oneand 1/4 ovaries due to cysts.
i started ttc #6 in november 2007. i had my first loss in feb 2008, #2 in june 2008, #3 in july 2008!
in november 2008 exactly 1yr after starting ttc i got a bfp. the nerves, excitetment and doubt started immediatly. by 4 weeks i was admitted to hospital with suspected eptopic pregnancy. a scan confirmed i had a pregnancy growing on my ovary but could not see a yolk in the sack in my uterus. they wanted me to have surgery right away but i refused because being so early i felt i had to give my baby a chance.
3 days later i had another u/s done and there was 2 yolks in my uterus as well as the one on my ovary (that one was reducing in size so was left to see what happened.) TWINS!!!!
my numbers were over 1700 at 4 weeks even though i was bleeding badly.
at 8 weeks i was admitted into hospital again and sadly i had lost one of the twins
i had continued bleeding, bad sickness, complication after complication including early labour and babies blood crossing into mine.
at 39 weeks i was booked in to be induced but when i arrived, i was already dilated. it was a long hard labour but i finally gave birth to my gorgeous baby girl kara. she is mine and marks first together and his first girl and i have to say, despite all the problems she was well worth it.
i think about my losses every day and each time i look at kara i think of her twin. i am sure that will always be the case but each day gets easier as i think of the fact that had i carried the losses then i wouldnt have my baby girl that i love so dearly.
sorry this is so long but what i really wanted to say is that although loss is so very hard for us, when we suceed which you all will, we will understand more that the reason it didnt happen was no fault of our own but the time just wasnt right and our angels were just too special for earth. (yes i heard that a lot and cussed it until i was in this position.i guess thats part of the help general spirituality board gave to me)


this is my little miracle now aged 10 weeks. each smile is worth a thousand words of comfort to me!



i am not doing this to hurt anyone and if it does then i offer my sincere apologies. i just want to let you all know that it will happen for you and to give you some hope because i know how hard it is. ive been there!

xx

[..Penelope..]

Thank you, Sara. I had no idea how hard it was for you to get your miracle baby girl She is gorgeous! The poem brought tears to my eyes.

[starrsgirl]

It's great to hear from you again! Thanks so much for the update. I remember when you were going through all this stuff and I'm so glad the outcome was positive. Kara is beautiful! How are you and Mark doing?

Big congrats to you and thanks for the encouraging words.

[madmum_sarah]

hey liz
mark and i are doing great thanks. kara is teething already and is a pain in the bum lol but i wouldnt change her for the world.
how are you doing hunny?
i do come on and look for updates but this place has changed so much its hard to keep track of everyone. i miss our older members and with the new ones, i want to offer support but remember how i felt when people came on who were lucky enough to get pregnant and i dont want to make others feel the way i did.
miss you girls loads though
xx

[starrsgirl]

I'm still here....so that's kinda a bummer. I did take a break from TTC in there since my 2nd loss but we have been trying "hard-core" for the past 5 months. I really thought I would be long gone by now. The faces do change a lot but I think generally it's a good thing because it means that people are getting BFPs!

I go back and forth between feeling like it's high time for me to try something else and then telling myself that I'm just not being patient enough. You've been there I'm sure.

[madmum_sarah]

ohhh yes i have been there hunny. hell im still there (i would love another baby even after everything i went through )
your time will come hunny and i have a feeling it will be sooner rather than later but i do understand that each month feels like a lifetime too!

x

[KDD]

Oh Sarah, I was thinking of you the other day. I'm so glad that you posted. Kara is beautiful! I remember each of your losses and how we all cried together (as together as we can be), and of course I remember all of your support.

I'm still here keeping Liz company. There aren't a lot of us "old timers" left (thankfully they've moved on to DDCs). I do wonder how everyone is.

[missy123]

Hi Sarah,

It's so nice for you to stop in and say Hi to us. Your post gave me some hope that I will end up with a beautiful baby.

Your daughter is beautiful! Congratulations

[Trish36]

Oh Sarah, she is absolutely gorgeous and so worth it. Congratulations!!!