Hi, i'm new here and just want some friends to talk things out with

milliemags · #1 October 10th, 2009, 06:55 AM

Hi, i'm new to this site and to message boards actually so please excuse me if I do something wrong. I really just need some friends to advise me, help me, listen to me and just to talk to really. I'm a little messed up and confused at the moment. I lost my twins very early on in my pregnancy (I was only 5weeks). I know it was early but they were IVF twins hence how I knew so early. I've been told that had I conceived naturally I prob wouldn't have even known I was pregnant, which I agree with cause I didn't feel any different physically at all, but emotionally I felt elated and special and so so excited.

I have had two cycles of IVF, the 1st was cancelled because I didn't respond, the 2nd as you can see resulted in my twins. I had 12 embryos from the cycle, but only the two transfered back were viable. I feel elated that I got pregant with them but devastated that I miscarried them. I feel angry that i've had to go through all the IVF to get pregnant in the 1st place but to lose them seems so crual. I know i'm not the only person to have gone through this and thats why i'm here, my friends and family are wonderful but they won't mention the miscarraige or talk to me about the IVF, I know they're scared of upsetting me but I feel the need to sound off and acknowledge that this has happened. I don't feel I can sweep it under the carpet and forget about it but do realise I need to get over it somehow. My DH is fantastic, he holds me when I cry and trys to reassure me that we will have a baby in the future. I desperatly want to be a mum but i'm 36 now, the IVF was really hard and I will try again but how long do I try for, how much of this do I put us through? Will I get pregnant again? Will I miscarry again? I would love to hear from anyone, anyone who has experienced this, anyone who can just help me clear my head a little, anyone who will just listen and understand. Thank you all xxxx

missy123 · #2 October 10th, 2009, 07:08 AM

Hi and welcome to the boards. You found a fantastic place to make friends and find the support you are looking for. The girls here are so incredible.

I am soooooo sorry you lost your beautiful little twins. How devistating and heartbreaking. It doesn't matter how long you were pregnant, the minute you get your positive test you fall in love. The healing process takes time and everyone heals differently. With my 1st loss I was ok after a month, with my second it has been much harder. You will cry, get mad, hurt.... all sorts of emotions. Feel free to vent here as much as you want and don't ever let anyone make you feel like you have to feel better right away!

I am 40 and understand how you feel about the age factor. But I feel so young, it is my body that tells me different sometimes

(((Hugs))) I am sorry you are going through all of this but you are not alone. We are here for you.

momof6lopez · #3 October 10th, 2009, 07:13 AM

Welcome Milliemags, Im so sorry to here about the loss of your twins. Im 38 and understand the essence of the time as well. The doubt that m/c leaves in your mind is forever changed when we loose our little ones. We will always be apprehensive when we see a positive pregnancy test. As for doing the IVF again, as difficult as it is to think of this happening again, when you want something so bad you just find a way to be brave one more time. As you may come to see in time, our need to have a baby will out wheigh our fear of loosing them again.

I pray that the next time results in the beautiful baby you so deserve and that your time here will be short and sweet. Please throw all of your feelings out here, we all know to well the heart ache in which you feel.

HopefulMommy81 · #4 October 10th, 2009, 08:52 AM

I don't really have any advice- you ultimately know what you can handle. I did just want to say I m so very sorry you lost your twins and we are here whenever you need us!

Kary♥RN · #5 October 10th, 2009, 08:54 AM

Millie... I am so sorry for your losses... it is not fair.. HUGS.. Welcome to the board I am so glad you have found us... While I have not went through IFV.. I have had three losses in 11 month.. It will a year since my first angelversarry Next month... I am 34 Dh and I have been together since 1993. Over a year ago time was finally right in our lives to bring a baby into it.... But as you can see the universe has other plans.. cruel plans.. But having a baby has not been in the cards. I have started to see a RE. And have blood tests.. I might have a clotting issue.. But that is still not comnfirmed... So in short.. We all have been through a loss or multiple.. We are here for you... Come vent, cry, scream, Ask why? We have been thier.. And will help you get through this part of you journey.. I hope your BFP comes quickly HUGS!

Trish36 · #6 October 10th, 2009, 10:45 AM

I'm so sorry for your loss!! Having a m/c is the hardest thing in the world, because so few people will acknowledge it or want to talk about it and then you have to deal with all the hurtful comments of others, even if they are well meaning. HUGS!!!! I've had 3 m/c since March, but we still keep on trying. I am also seeing a RE to figure out what was causing the m/c and it turns out that it's my egg quality. I'm 36. I have not gone through IVF, but my SIL has. She did donor egg IVF and has a set of twins and is doing it again this month. So don't give up! I hope that the next time you get that BFP it will be a sticky one! You may also want to pop in to the TTCMA (trying to conceive with medical assistance) board. The ladies there have a lot of info in regards to IVF. Again welcome and good luck!

KDD · #7 October 10th, 2009, 10:52 AM

I am so sorry for your losses.

I have found that unfortunately miscarriage is very common, however it is still considered "taboo" to discuss. And yet, part of the healing process is to talk about it. I know that the women on this board played a huge part in my healing.

My loss was over a year and a half ago, and I haven't been able to conceive again. I'm 36 as well and am beginning to wonder if it will happen for me again. We haven't tried any MA yet. All I can tell you is to listen to your heart. If you are ready to try again with IVF, then do so. If you ned more time, take it.

TeresaSuperMama · #8 October 10th, 2009, 11:26 AM

Huge hugs to you. I am 36 as well and scared to have another loss as well. I've been on JM since the start and I can't tell you how many people have had a loss and even 2 and 3 losses and gone on to have a beautiful baby. It happens more often than you think so please don't give up hope. It's hard to try again and ultimately only your decision, but I would encourage you not to give up.

~InHisHands~ · #9 October 10th, 2009, 01:25 PM

I'm so sorry you are going through this! I can relate to most of what you are going through... I fought HARD to get pg just to m/c too.

We've been trying for 3.5 years to get pg & finally did in April (with the help of several rounds of Clomid) just to m/c at 11 wks. BTW, I'm advanced in age slightly like you... I'm 32 & DH is 42 & I hear my biological clock ticking... LOUDLY! I honestly believe I WILL have another in God's time, not mine. I believe He promises us children & I'm just waiting & believing!

I'm not sure why He let this pain into your life, or mine, or any of our lives for that matter but I do believe He has a purpose & a plan. During times like these I turn to Him & His Word. I'm doing a pg loss Bible study that I ADORE. It has helped me though a lot of these emotions & has given me some understanding of all this. Here's a couple of links, if you are interested...
Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy
Threads of Hope, Pieces of Joy: A Pregnancy Loss Bible Study - By: Teale Fackler, Gwen Kik - Christianbook.com

I'm so sorry!

farasha · #10 October 10th, 2009, 02:08 PM

I'm so sorry for the loss of your beautiful twins. HUGS. Miscarriages are very difficult for other people to understand, so I am glad you have found this board. We will be here for you whenever you need to vent or cry or ask questions. This is a beautiful comfort zone, and you are very welcome - although we hate that any of us are here.

You're the only one who will know if it's the right time to start trying again. Everyone has a different story. My DH and I have had three losses this year; I obviously have a medical problem and we're hoping we find someone some day to help us carry a baby to term. We keep trying though, because we want children, and we couldn't imagine a life without them.. therefore we really can't let the fear of more losses keep us from going into it again and again.

I'm glad you have your DH as such a good support system. If you want to, you should open up to some family members or friends that you feel comfortable with. Sometimes people just aren't sure how to ask. Regardless, you'll always have us. HUGS!

.:Shortcake:. · #11 October 10th, 2009, 02:42 PM

Hugs hun. Welcome to the board. I am so very sorry for the loss of your twins. It does suck that its so hard to become pg in the first place and then to have a m/c. Praying you get your sticky BFP soon.

JessP · #12 October 10th, 2009, 03:26 PM

I am so sorry for your losses. I wish there was more I could say that might help. We are all here if you need someone to talk to. We have all been through a loss and know the hurt. Welcome to JM and this board. I hope you find as much healing and comfort as many of us have.