[Augie]

Now that the time to ttc has come, I find myself backing out. I'll get in the mood, and then think about being pregnant and all of sudden I no longer want to BD.

I know it's because of the underlying fear. If we conceive this month, it'll be our third October conception in a row. I'm just not sure if I can do this again. Yet, I really want to be able to hold my own child in my arms.

How do I get over this? How do I get passed the fear and back in the mood?

[Celena]

I don't know a good answer to that question... I have found myself just very recently that I'm not sure I want to either. The fear is part of it, probably a large part of...

Wish I had a magical answer for you... but I've been feeling the same way lately.

[momof6lopez]

Oh boy, do I know how your feeling. Although I do enjoy trying, the fear of a BFP is overwhelming. When I saw my temp drop this month, I was more releived than disappointed. I did feel disappointment, just not as much as releived. I think with multiple losses, this has to be normal. I just go on the statistics that I only have a 20% chance of conceiving anyway every month, so the odds are against me to begin with.

I too want to have my little baby, but the fear has taken away the excitement of "getting pregnant". I wish I had better advice for you. Like I said, I just find little facts that tell me it doesnt matter how much we bd around O time, I still only have a 20% chance, so I let myself just enjoy the actual "ttc" part.

I think maybe once your past this first cycle of ttc, you may feel more comfortable and hopefully get some of the excitement back.

[Kary♥RN]

Augie... HUGS... When we were talking the day... and had said that if you concieved it would be your 3rd conception in Oct.... earlier that day I was posting to Krystal... How you try to do "what" you did that last time you got your BFP.. Krystal bd everyother day.. I even try to eat what I did the month the prior.... to our BFP in Jan... because I want a girl... I know this sounds crazy and obsessive. I try to to look at the "fear"... If I concieve it will be my 2nd conception for Oct... my last one ended in m/c.. and all I can do to remind self.. is WHAT IF this is my sticky... What if I didn't and this WAS my month for sticky.. I don't want another a M/c... I don't want to add another loss to my belt.. After my second I told my self... wow the the chances are like nilch that I will m/c again... than I had my third m/c.. So like so many ladies on this board... we know the chance is thier to m/c... Is it that Oct is cursed for you?? NO... No more than Oct/Nov or Dec/Jan or Aug/sept is for me... Darn.. Augie.. I'm running out of months.. I'm Half way thier to using them all... I know you are scared... I am scared too.. Our happy time of trying to have a baby is nothing but a memory... Now we have anxiety and fears... Lucky us! But that is why we are here... To validate your fear and say YES... you can be scared... but don't let it run your life.. Take charge... look it in the face.. and say if this is ment to be month.. I will embrace it... I will love my BFP and we will pray that it is your sticky one... I can't give you a garentee that you will be holding that baby in 9 months... But I will garentee that we will be here for you.... either way. HUGS, You will get through this.. we all will.

[farasha]

HUGS Augie. I know we all struggle with the same fears. Personally, I fear that my next pregnancy doesn't have as good as a chance as someone who doesn't have RPL. I don't know. It's helping me slightly to have a game plan - to have an idea of what I'll try to do differently this time to help make this a sticky baby. I guess it also helps me knowing that the longer it takes me to start trying again, and the longer it takes to get pregnant, the longer I have to wait to the day I get to hold my first child - so it's a motivation of sorts to do this, despite my fears. I'm not sure if the same things that help me chug along will help you too, but I do truly hope you find the strength in our answers to try again this month. I'm hoping for good news for you soon. HUGS!

[brandimomof2]

I often feel this way to. My heart races when I think of the what if's. Sometimes I feel so scare that I dont want to ttc. I think this is normal for anyone that has had a m/c. Sometimes I think about the possiblity of putting myself through something horrible again but then I think about What if everything is ok and we have our baby. Then that gets me back to wanting to ttc. Its hard though, very hard.

I am right there with ya.

[TeresaSuperMama]

((Hugs)) I think fear is keeping me from ttc this month, but that's because I haven't sat out a cycle. I know it may not be necessary, but I am scared to death of having another loss right now. I can totally understand your fears and don't have a great answer for you, but I know for me I know that I want one more and the longer I put it off the less my chances are at getting pregnant.

[~Lynda~]

Hey Augie, fear is controlling isn't it? you gotta let it go. how do you do that? i'm not sure i have the answer to that question. i was just ready to let the fear go, thinking more about the positives than the "what ifs" - i guess it starts with being willing to let it go. don't get me wrong, it will always be there, I just choose to not let myself go there anymore. big hugs to you hun!!!