PG Mentioned ~ I didn't know where else to post

Oreobaby · #1 November 14th, 2009, 07:44 AM

I know there has been a lot of loss, and stupid dr. on this board, and I'm so sorry for that, my heart goes out to every one of you girls.

I just didn't know where else to post this, and I need to know if I'm crazy or not.

I don't feel I've bonded with this baby the way that I did with my first one...with my first one, I was looking through the name books already, and had them decided. I was thinking about what I was going to do with the nursery, how I was going to decorate, looking at Cribs, and play pens, and everything for the nursery...this time...not so much.

I feel bad, because I want to do all these thing for this baby, but it's like I'm afraid to think it's real because of my loss.

Until I hear that heart beat, I'm not sure if I will even allow myself to think about what is to come. Is this normal? My mom keeps asking me questions about what I'm going to do for this, and what I'm going to do for that...and I don't have any answers. I feel bad...but I feel like if I keep this baby at arms length behind the wall, then I won't get hurt.

I just need to know if this is normal?? And am I going to feel different once I hear that heartbeat.

There are so many of you ladies that have had numerous losses, and I know you are probably thinking, I should just be happy I am pregnant again, and that it seems to be sticking...and I know you are right...but I just don't feel I can yet...I'm sorry.

JessP · #2 November 14th, 2009, 07:55 AM

I have not been pregnant after our loss yet so honestly can't tell you. I know that I didn't really get excited with my last pregnancy until after I heard a heartbeat at 13 weeks. So regardless how long you hold off it will hurt. I don't mean to sound harsh or anything please don't take it that way. When you get excited won't change the pain imo. I hope that you have a sticky bean and that you hear the heartbeat very soon. I hope that it helps to reassure you. I think what you are feeling is completely normal. The ladies on the pregnancy after loss board might know better than me of course. Have you talked with them as well? Some ladies say they don't stop worrying about loss until the baby is in their arms, and then its a whole new set of worries

. Lots of sticky

for you. How far along are you now?

krystal g · #3 November 14th, 2009, 08:05 AM

I haven't been there yet either Marci...my last pregnancy only lasted 4 weeks...but I can imagine feeling the way you are...I don't know how I would be comfortable until I made it past the first trimester. I was the same as you with the first pregnancy...names, nursery, all that, and I thought I was in the clear since I was 11 1/2 weeks...but we all know the sad reality of what can happen. I think you are normal...as normal as you can be having gone through a loss. I hope and pray that this one "sticks" for you. You just have to be strong and it's OK to let yourself get happy and excited but I can totally understand if you're still scared. You (and all the rest of us) will probably not stop worrying until you are holding your baby in your arms. I'm sending you all the sticky vibes I can muster.

Hang in there.

momof6lopez · #4 November 14th, 2009, 08:19 AM

Oh honey, you will feel better once you see the little heart beating. What your feeling is normal. I had a loss ten years ago at 13wks, and have had two children and three more losses since then. After I saw the heart beat with my living children and with one of my losses, I instnatly bonded. Its just our ways of protecting ourselves from more pain.

You still have a long part of your pregnancy to feel excited, enjoy all the wonderful mildstones and to bond with your baby. Give it some time, and I promise you, when you see the little heart beating you will be in love all over again. It wont take your pain away, and it wont take all your fear away, but it will alow you to imbrace this new one. Your always welcome to express your fear here, some of us have had good experiences after loss, and some of have not. Im one of the lucky ones that have been on both sides of the fence.

Cant wait to see/hear about your lo's heart beat soon. KUP.

Kary♥RN · #5 November 14th, 2009, 08:38 AM

Marci I think this is something you need to post on PAL. While we understand your feelings... Most of us haven't even made it past the 1st trimester.. Some even eairlier. I don't know how you feel. All I can say is that I hope I do soon. I haven't made it past 8 wks with 3 pregnancies. So to say it is normal. I don't know. The ladies of PAL will be able to give you first hand experiance. I wish I could say something that would turn on the bond switch.. I can only say you have to let go of your fear... what will be, will be... and you can't stop anythin from happening.. but what you can do.. is love this baby right now for the little soul that it is. Think about whose nose it will have, what color eyes, how thier eyes will light up during the holidays... things that you will look forward to as a mom... HUGS Marci..

Oreobaby · #6 November 14th, 2009, 09:00 AM

Thanks for your imput girls...you are probably right, I probably should have posted this in the PAL board. I haven't really posted there, but I will now. I like you Krystal lost my gummi bear at 11 wks 1 day. I am currently 10 wks 2 days. I know that it was probably difficult for you guys to post on this thread, and I definitely appreciate your feedback! Thanks again!!!

TeresaSuperMama · #7 November 14th, 2009, 09:20 AM

It does not bother me you posting these questions here, but I think you would probably get better answers on PAL. I don't think these feelings are abnormal. Fear is a nasty thing. I don't think you are not bonding baby. I think it's just a protective mechanism your body goes through to keep you feeling safe. I promise when that little baby is in your arms there will be so much joy you will not feel this. Do not feel guilty about this one bit honey. It's normal and it's okay. Hang in there. (((HUGS)))

KDD · #8 November 14th, 2009, 09:54 AM

Marci - I think what you are experiencing is completely normal. I know I haven't been pg since my loss, but I doubt that I will let myself get too excited until I know that it will be okay. You should pop over to PAL though. They're pretty nice ladies over there!

Hang in there, you'll see the heartbeat soon!

*MomofO&Nat* · #9 November 14th, 2009, 10:05 AM

I am still TTC after m/c, but I expect to feel the same way you do when I do get pg again. I think it is normal, and almost your brain's way of protecting yourself from too much sadness by pacing yourself with how excited you let yourself get. I don't think it's a bad thing at all, and I am sure you will get very beyond excited once you hear that little heart beat and you can breathe a bit easier. My friend had 2 m/cs before her 1st son was born healthy, and is now pg again with #2. She is 4 months and just letting herself get into it now after hearing the heart beat. She feels the same way. HUGS!

erinangele · #10 November 14th, 2009, 01:56 PM

I think your feelings are normal. I have not been pg after loss, but im certain i will feel the same as you.

As far as bonding with your baby, you will have plenty of time to bond with your baby once you hear the h/b. I had several things go wrong throughout my pregnancy with Enzo, and it did keep me on the cautious side the whole time. Don't feel bad if you still don't feel like you are bonding after hearing the h/b. Believe me no matter how you feel during your pregnancy, you will bond with your baby just the same once he/she is in your arms.

sportsmom2 · #11 November 14th, 2009, 06:22 PM

I wonder about how I will feel if I ever get pg again... I am thinking I might react like you. Almost like if you get excited, it might all go away... kinda like jinxing yourself. For lack of better words...

But as others suggested, love this baby and pray for a healthy pregnancy! Keeping you in my T & P's.