Is it too soon?...

Pink.Crazy · #1 November 15th, 2009, 02:21 PM

I thought this would be the best place for me to post. We found out on 6th Nov at our 11wk scan that our little baby had only grown to 8w 5d before his/her heart stopped beating. We were absolutely gutted. I started miscarrying at home after taking mifepristone, and had to go into hospital where I had 4 pessaries. My D&C had already been booked, so that afternoon I went down to theatre. My baby left my body on 11/11..

I cried every day and every night .. I feel a lot stronger today although I'm still feeling very down. In other ways I changed too.. after my D&C I felt so empty and over this weekend I've felt desperate to be pregnant again. I've looked online and seen so many success stories of people falling pregnant, and having happy and healthy pregnancies right after a D&C.. so I feel reluctant to wait.. I feel like I so need to be pregnant.
I've accepted that I'm not having my May baby. It finally sunk in after the D&C.... of course, I knew my baby had died, but until my baby had truly gone I could NOT let go.
I'm taking my folic acid again and my bleeding is gradually stopping. I'm going to take a test to be sure of a BFN before I do anything.... am I rushing this??? I feel completely level headed about my decision but I'm well aware my hormones are all over the place.. I don't want to do the wrong thing for the babys sake. I don't want to be selfish ...

Kary♥RN · #2 November 15th, 2009, 02:28 PM

Pink I am so sorry for your loss... Only you can answer that question.. Medically thier is no reason to wait.. Emotionaly if you are ready than no it is not too soon..

The only thing you have to remember is to wait for your two week follow up from your d/c so you won't get an infection. I would take an HPT before trying so you know it is Negative (If they are not going to blood work, after my d/c they never did blood work).

Welcome to the board.. please stay and join us. We know what you are going through.. and are here for you anytime you need us! HUGS

JessP · #3 November 15th, 2009, 02:36 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. As for trying it is really personal choice most of the time. Unless your dr gave you a specific reason you need to wait. The only thing to wait for would be like Kary said the 2 week follow up to ensure you don't get an infection. I hope you do get pregnant right away and its is a beautiful sticky bean.

Pink.Crazy · #4 November 15th, 2009, 02:56 PM

I don't have a follow up... they said we could DTD as soon as bleeding stopped, as my cervix would then be closed..

It does feel right in my head, I just felt that maybe asking you guys would be best.. you can tell me from an unbiased perspective.. I don't know. I think I am probably expecting too much... if it doesn't happen right away I'm gonna be heartbroken. I need to chill out

~InHisHands~ · #5 November 15th, 2009, 02:58 PM

ITA with Kary! Medically it's not too soon but really only you can answer if it is emotionally or not!

TeresaSuperMama · #6 November 15th, 2009, 03:17 PM

(((((Hugs)))))) I am so sorry for your loss. I wanted to put out a big old welcome to the board and I am sorry you have to be here. I don't even know where to begin on the answer to your question. There really is no right or wrong answer to your question. Honestly, only you can decide. I guess my answer is if you want to try, then try. I think sometimes we come here for someone to tell us it's okay to try. I know I do. Hearing other people tell me it's okay to want to try and it's okay to try is comforting. Follow your heart.

Celena · #7 November 15th, 2009, 04:22 PM

Hi &

Pink, I'm very sorry to hear about your super recent loss! Gosh that was just a few days ago it seems

The emotional aspect of our losses can sometimes make us feel so many different ways right after our losses, for many months and years afterwards. There's no right answer for me to give you on this. Medically you should wait a little because of the risk of infection... what has your doctor said? I've read an article (it's actually posted in the "Info Spot" on the sub-forums above) where it says there was a couple studies showing it's not always nec. a medical reason to wait. But definitely DO TALK to your doctor, esp since you've had a D&C (?)

Being stressed, extremely sad and all the wide range of negative emotions can be exacerbated by pregnancy hormones or cause problems for a new lil babe. So that it is something to consider and is really a decision also entirely up to you. I just suggest if you're feeling the least bit sad or depressed to wait, give yourself time to grieve (you haven't really had time to do that yet), and if you haven't discussed this with your doctor/ midwife do that before any other decision is made.

There ARE allot of success stories, but... EVERYONE is different. There's no telling what they went thru emotionally...

I got pregnant immediately following my natural loss of my babe, 1st miscarriage this summer, but a doctor screwed up and ended up causing a miscarriage of that new little one (2 losses, back to back). It's something that I still have hard days, but I'm much more at peace now and am glad that I've had this time before getting pregnant again. I don't think I could have handled a 3rd loss back to back to back. I won't lie, I'm *READY* to get pregnant now! LOL!

missy123 · #8 November 15th, 2009, 04:59 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. The girls above have given some great words of wisdom. I am glad you found us....

iVari · #9 November 15th, 2009, 05:15 PM

I am so very sorry for your loss (((HUGS)))

If your Dr has said that you are safe to TTC again then it really is up to how you feel. You might have an odd cycle or two, so just go by what your body tells you. I wish you all the very best whatever you decide. You have found a great place here to just voice your fears and concerns.

Mellza · #10 November 15th, 2009, 07:13 PM

I don't have any answers, but I am sorry for your loss

krystal g · #11 November 16th, 2009, 07:19 AM

I agree with the others regarding the medical aspect...do what feels right for you. As long as you are emotionally ready then go for it. I personally felt the need to try again right away...it makes me feel better to be actively trying to get pregnant (I'm not good at sitting around and waiting). Just follow your heart.

Pink.Crazy · #12 November 16th, 2009, 07:27 AM

krystal - that is exactly how i feel.. i can't sit around and wait, i get anxious and would possibly feel worse.. so i feel like perhaps if i was ttc i would feel like i was actually moving on with my life. i need things to move forward i guess.

ladies... you're all so lovely, and it's amazing to have found you.. i talk with my family about everything but to speak to people who are feeling what i am feeling right NOW is just so different. thank u so much for all of you taking your time to write to me.

my loss was very recent. but between finding out our baby had died and having the d&c felt like eternity.. i literally stayed in the house on my own. i made DP take our little one out as much as possible, as we usually would do just so he had a sense of normality.. so i had a LOT of thinking time.

i think once i stop bleeding, test and get a BFN we will start TTC.. I don't chart/take temp anything like that, we just DTD when we think I might O.. so things won't be all intense.. just going to go with the flow and hope that a new year brings a new baby.

sorry for the terrible grammar in this... it's a flying visit but i felt the need to write xx