[krystal g]

Some good friends of ours had their baby yesterday and we are going to go to the hospital tonight after work. I'm so happy for her, truly, and am excited to see her new son, but...

They were the first people we told when we were pregnant in April. And they announced to us that they were expecting as well that day. She was already 12 weeks and I was 4 weeks. This is my friend's second and she was so excited that we would be pregnant together and I could have her baby girl stuff if she was having a boy and I was having a girl.

Well, she had a boy. She told me the other day that now I will be set either way next time...boy or girl. Which is so nice but made me really sad somehow.

It was difficult at first to be around her throughout her pregnancy...watching her grow, but then I got used to it. We were over at their house Sunday and she was having contractions and I was OK...really excited for her. But now I'm so...I don't even know what...thinking about going to the hospital tonight. The fact that she had her baby means mine should have been due in 2 more months. That's a really hard pill to swallow. She had her baby and I lost my second in the same amount of time.

And...she and her husband are both in the Air Force and he is leaving Dec. 2nd for a 7 month deployment in Afghanistan. I can't put into words how upset I am for them about this. Maybe it's because my husband hasn't deployed yet and I know his time is coming. I just am so sad that he is missing the first 7+ months of his son's life (plus they have a 3 year old daughter) not to mention that no one knows if he will even come back...they both act like it's no big deal...the time will fly by...I'm sure that's just their coping mechanism...

So on top of my emotions over my baby, I'm feeling so sad and anxious for them...for what they have to face. I guess there's no point to writing this...I just needed to talk about it.

***UPDATE***

I went to the hospital last night and it wasn't too bad. Actually, it was kinda nice. He's such a cute little guy and once I held him all my own emotional crap just went out the window. Although I had to fight his 3 year old sister for him because she was in mean protective mode last night! LOL And I'm also glad we went because they got discharged while we were there so we were able to help them carry out their loads of stuff. Kicked out after 26 hours...it's amazing, but they were happy to get to go home. I was a little sad when we left, but it was OK.

Anyway, I just wanted to give you all big hugs for listening to me whine yesterday!

[noworries]

HUGS hon. I really don't know what to say, just want to give you big HUGS.

[missy123]

Do what YOU can handle, not what you feel is expected of you. If you don't feel you can handle going to the hospital tonight, then don't go. It is ok... If she is your true friend, she will try to understand that it is too hard on you right now. She may not fully understand, but she will try.

As for her husband going away, there is nothing they can do about it. It is his job, it is what he signed up for, it is his duty to go. I only say that coming from a military background where that is what the life is. yes, it is sad that he will be gone for 7 months, and with the grace of god he will come back ok... but that is his job sweetie. You are so sweet for being concerned for them.

(((Hugs)))

[sportsmom2]

I think it is completely normal to feel this way... you are a good friend and she will understand if you don't seem quite as excited about her baby. Having a m/c is one of those experiences that you never truly understand until you have had one. Even though I have two healthy boys (and both pregnancies were mostly uncomplicated), I could have never imagined how much it hurt to lose a baby... even at just 7weeks. I couldn't have imagined the agony of ttc after loss and how it would feel to be jealous of my good friends and their blessings.

When you visit your friend, remember that there is a plan for you and that in time, you will heal. Treat yourself to something special afterwards...

[.:Shortcake:.]

Hugs hun. It is the same way for me with some of my friends. And it also does not help when they say well you can use my baby stuff when you have one... it always makes me think okay and what if I never get pregnant. It just plain sucks. But I'm here for you if you want to talk and I know exactly how you fee.

[krystal g]

Thanks Missy. It's not like I'm losing sleep over my friend being deployed, I think it's more my fear of what is going to happen to me...if that makes any sense. DH has not been deployed yet, he may have to go this summer. And I have all of this anxiety built up...partly because he would have to leave and his safety and everything...but then selfishly I think what if I'm pregnant when he goes...and I lose another baby...or even what if I'm not pregnant when he goes! Then it would be 6 months to a year of NOT TTC. I know that's probably crazy sounding...and really selfish...but it's what I think about. And to have some close friends facing the same situation, it just hits really close to home. And I know it's part of the job, part of the package I signed up for...not trying to complain about it because everyone faces hardships...and I have no right to complain since I'm not the one in the military...I guess I'm just having a bad day.

Thank you everyone for your support. It's really good to have you guys here who understand.

[missy123]

Krystal - your whole post made me cry. I have real tears for you.... I hope he doesn't have to leave you and if he does that you are pregnant with a sticky bean. 2 weeks after my loss my BF had to leave out of state for work (for 6 months). We were able to see each other every 5 weeks for a few days but it was so hard and slowed the healing process of my loss way back. I don't want that to happen to you. I wish I could hug you tight right now.

[ldovey83]

I totally understand how you feel.. MY friends due date is in 6 days and it is hitting me hard that I should be getting ready to have a baby in January... She dosen't understand what I am going through cause she has never expierenced a loss before so it is hard for her to understand and hard for me to explain... Then another one of my friends who had the same due date as me for my April baby I saw her the other day and I saw her baby bump and all and it got me sad that I should be there with her.. Feeling the baby and all.. So I totally understand how you feel.. Do what you can handle hun.. A true friend will understand.

[MountainMomma]

I agree with the other ladies. Do what YOU feel like doing, not what is expected of you. A true friend will understand. The feelings we all struggle with are things no one should ever have to go through, but it's times like this that we HAVE to put ourselves first or else it will drive us insane.

[Kary♥RN]

Krystal.... HUGS.. I understand your feelings.. My brother has a year left on this tour... and he just had his first. And has put to be delpoyed to the middle east after this year... He feels it will be better to volenteer.. get deployed while Summer is still little, and while his wife is still here in Pa.. than after his deployment.. they will try to get stationed some were on the east coast. I feel the same way as you do about the possiablitly of him not comming home. As for your feelings about the baby... Normal.. It is hard, you want to be happy, your still sad for yourself.. and I also thinks it has alot to do with were you are at in your cycle... I know you are strong.. You have wathed her pregnant, You are a great friend. HUGS

[mommie2many]

I think its normal what your feeling, I feel the same way. Theres 2 family members both due in 8 weeks.

[krystal g]

bump

[Trish36]

I'm so glad that the visit went okay!

[zkat]

Krystal - it's a lot to take in and I really agree with Kary. I seem way more down about not having a baby during the tww, especially if it doesn't look promising.

The deployment is tough - my brother was stationed stateside and less than a year from discharge when my niece was born, so they felt safe that he would not be deployed. Well - two weeks after she was born, he was deployed to Idaho to fight all the extreme fires. Granted, it was a much shorter deployment, still very dangerous and very hard on my sil.

[..Penelope..]

I'm glad that it was a good experience for you, honey!

I completely understand your previous post. When my nephew was born 2 days after Autumn's EDD, I went through alot of the same stuff.

Big

[missy123]

I am glad you had a good visit at the hospital!

[momof6lopez]

Im glad you felt good about the visit. Holding the baby, hopefully rubbed some baby cutties on you too! Your anxiety about your husband is comandable. I give great thanks to not only the military, but to their strong supportive wives, who see them through on this journey. Im lucky to be an American and have your support, trully I am.

[sportsmom2]

I am so glad you felt good at the visit... kudos to you for being such a good friend!