[Justjessie]

HUGE temp dip this morning...another negative OPK...now the temp dip, I am usually one of those people who get one the day after I ovulate...but now we all know that we can NEVER actually be sure!!! So I'm not calling myself 2 DPO today, I'm still saying cycle day Whatevah (I think I don't care anymore).

Yesterday was another peak day for me but DH was too tired to BD.

That frustrates me a little, too...I know being tired sucks but I'm going to DO THIS, or I'm NOT. I'm 35, I already have two kids, I don't feel the pressing urge to do this again...if I wasn't married to this particular man, I'd probably happily have been DONE. But when I decide I want something, I WANT IT. I don't mess around. Last night as he drifted off to sleep, he said "We can try again next month."

So for the next two weeks I can't smoke or drink probably for NOTHING???????????? Uh...that's not how I roll. And no caffeine or pop or xanax or ANYTHING??????????????????????? Sure when you are pregnant you give it up for the sake of your baby. I feel like Im giving it up for the sake of an IDEA.

And of course, there is a CHANCE I could be pregnant...as always...we did it on CD 8 and 10...I think I O'd ON CD 10...so whatever happened CD 8 may have given us a shot...if this fallback temp isn't a fallback after all, I'll O today (but I'm sure sex on CD 10 won't do a **** thing for an ovulation today with my CM sucking wind).

I guess I'm mad because I CAN get pregnant and probably fast, I just WON'T. And you can't run to the doctor and complain that DH is too tired and you aren't getting knocked up. I don't want to sit here for 2 years trying. (If I get a BFP in 16 days you can all laugh at me, but can you understand why I hate this?) I don't have anything preventing me from getting pregnant medically, I just have the "I'm too tired" thing going on. Granted, we had that the month I DID get pregnant, so I'm really sure that I'm fertile enough...ugh I just wanted to vent. And I really need to smoke and I really don't want to quit yet.

My big thing when we were TTC the one we lost...I just wanted to be DONE. And now we're starting from square ONE. I won't die if I never have another baby (if we decide to stop TTC I'd live) and I miss the one I lost terribly and wish she was here. Dh supposedly REALLY wants a baby...but I have to guess not as bad as I ever wanted one...with my kids I would have DIED if I didn't have them. I remember not wanting to touch my ex with a 10 foot pole but I did what I had to do to get my daughter (having a baby when you pretty much expect not to be married for much longer...probably not my biggest shining moment ever but I am glad I have my daughter!!!)

I'm clinical when it comes to TTC. There is not too much that's fun about it because I don't work that way. If there is a purpose/end result, I just want it and that's the end of that.

*sigh* Cigarette. And while HE is tired, I CAN NOT SLEEP!!!

I won't smoke but I'm drinking tomorrow! I never even chance it but one glass of wine isn't going to kill any potential baby...and everyone will like me more if I have a drink in me.

Here's to 2010! I'm either having a baby or we're NOT TRYING ANYMORE! I'm not NTNP until I hit menopause. Argh! Pick a decision and stick with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[.:Shortcake:.]

Sorry your feeling this way. Super big hugs and I hope you get a BFP!

[momof6lopez]

Angela, Im so sorry about the way you are feeling right now. Your personality is so much like mine.........when I want something.........I want it NOW! If I dont get cooperation, I get ******* misserable. DH only put me through this one time though while ttc. I knew it was a peak day, I was horny as hell and he kept putting me off. Finally about 2am, Im fast asleep, and I get the biggest surprise of a lifetime.........TMI.........he entered while I wasn't even READY! Hurt like heck and I got what I deserved I guess

As for the no smoking, no drinking, no zanax, I can relate too. I finally just said screw it, Im not going over board with changing my life style anymore. I went on with all my bad habits, and just decided if it happened, I would stop short the day I found out.........and it worked.

And, I can also relate to the feeling of "Im ok being done". I think this makes it so confusing in our hearts when our brains say one thing and our hearts say another. Its like an internal conflict going on at the same time.

Lets hope DH is just in a bad rut this month. Maybe pmsing?????? They will never understand our sense of urgency when our clocks are ticking and they can make a baby on their death beds!

[jjc99]

I feel like Im giving it up for the sake of an IDEA.

That's the part that really sucks!! There's been many times just in the past 2 weeks that I have NOT done something cuz I may or may not be PG. I haven't taken ibuprofen or not drank or something. But then I do, cuz I figured I am not pg. So darn confusing... I'm like you, too, in that when I want something/make a decision - i want it now. No waiting to find out. Yes or no - NOW.

So, maybe do what you want to do, just keep it in moderation or a tiny bit less - just in case. Afterall, look at what our moms and grandmothers did when they were pregnant - and we all came out fine!! *starts twitching uncontrollably* JK!

Sorry DH is being a dork. I can have him taken care of. I know people who know people! We'll just make sure the stuff you need it still there and viable

[~Lynda~]

hun, i don't think you're giving it up for the sake of an idea... if you BD'd on CD8 and CD10 and you think you O'd on CD10, then you are totally giving it up for the sake of a possible pregnancy. I know how frustrating it can be with men... They don't think like we do... when my AF shows, my DH says very calmly, well we'll just try again... sometimes it so difficult to hear. They don't have biological clocks, there's the difference! HUGS to you!

[mommy x 10]

I can understand being frustrated. So much about all of this has frustrated me. I can't stand to think that I should be almost half way through my pregnancy and yet here I am trying to start over. Dh is ok with NTNP, but he'd be fine if we didn't have another baby for awhile or maybe even if we were done. He knows it's important to me but I don't think he really gets it. He and I have dealt with this loss very differently. I love him and knows he loves me but it amazes me how much he sometimes does not get where I'm coming from. He tries though. I really hope you get your BFP very soon. Sounds like you have a good chance this month!! Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

[Justjessie]

Actually, my DH is the crazy one who wants a baby so badly...his clock is ticking! I just don't think they realize that this is a PROCESS, you have to do your research and do everything WE are all doing to get pregnant.

I know, girls get pregnant most of the time just by showing up and then claiming "Ovu-WHAT?"

While we have our PH.D.s in baby making...

But men think we all just show up and know something about a period or something and it certainly can't happen the first time and anyone who is easy gets pregnant...

And, in reality, there are charts and cervical fluid and cervical positions and countless conversations where we've been searching up there (and most guys think that only exists in their porn stash...HERE WE ARE doing it for the sake of conceptual research) and ALL KINDS of stuff and they think "Uh, you just put it in and you're pregnant, right???"

And yeah, if he NEVER has a baby, guess who will get the blame? It'll be "my fault" that I "can't get pregnant". I mean, I know we'll never know whose fault it is...and it's what I call God's Will, seriously if he doesn't want me to have a baby I won't. But I can already tell DH thinks I create and destroy the children. I hate that I had two kids with an *** and can't have one with the good guy. But this is the way it is for now!

I was single until July...for 6 years...it was WONDERFUL and I miss it. Being married sure takes a lot of getting used to!!!! I'm struggling with having to share and not just DOING WHAT I WANT in my own timeframe. I used to seriously run my own life. And he isn't controlling or anything (I know controlling, my ex was one of them) but I just can't do what I want anymore, I have to be part of the team again.

I don't play well with others.

We've all had to conform. And we do compromise and the results always turn out well.

I bought wine for tomorrow. Any potential baby will think I'm a cool mom. Nah but really, we did all turn out fine. (And if anything bad happens you know I'll blame the one glass of wine LOL...no really I won't.)

Oh Jennifer, I love your twitching after you said we came out fine =) Most people who know me will tell you I didn't come out fine. But that's good because if I wasn't so off the wall I'd be BORING =) And my kids aren't scarred...they are actually kids with a "mature" sense of humor...which I need since we hang out together through all of life. (I have a crazy friend and her kids are all like that...coolest kids EVER...and all are straight A students and great kids in general!)

God I love to talk.

[alethia]

HUGS! I'm so sorry for the mixed signals and frustration he's sending. boo. ENJOY your glass of wine - you deserve it!!!! I hope you get your BFP!