I dont know what to do?

Treysmama · #1 January 8th, 2010, 06:02 PM

I had a m/c in June of last year and my best friend got pregnant around the same time as me she was like 3 weeks ahead of me. Well she is having her baby next Thursday via c-section. And I am sappost to be there b/c I'm her best friend but I dont know if I can do it. It will be like looking at my baby, the baby I lost. I want to be there so bad, I really do but I dont want to break down and be the poor friend who cant keep herself together and have all the attention on me. This is her time not mine and I just know if I can do it. Does that make me a bad person?

~InHisHands~ · #2 January 8th, 2010, 06:12 PM

I know exactly what you mean & no you are not a bad person... don't ever think that!

I actually was pg along with 2 ladies at church... we were all due at the same time & actually I didn't go to either of their baby showers for the exact same reason. I bought them nice gifts but I could not sit through a baby shower, knowing that should be MY baby shower!

BTW, when were you due? Sounds like you were due late Jan or early Feb? My angel's EDD is soon... Jan 16th!

Treysmama · #3 January 8th, 2010, 06:28 PM

My due date was Feb 1st.........I was thinking the same thing about the baby shower as well. She decided to wait and have the baby shower after the baby was born which I'm kinda happy about b/c maybe I can get pregnant before the baby shower and then I will be able to go but I have to go anyway b/c me and another one our friends are the ones planning the baby shower.......I dont have any idea why I agreed to do it I guess I'm glutten for punishment....

kansasgal · #4 January 8th, 2010, 06:31 PM

hugs! You are NOT a bad person! I would feel the same exact way. IN fact I have had like three or four friends get pregnant within a week of my m/c. I have been having a really hard time with it and have had a lot of anger about it. I know what you are feeling. It sucks. I am really sorry.

missy123 · #5 January 8th, 2010, 08:04 PM

You are NOT a bad person. Losing a baby is the hardest thing to go through. I am so sorry for your loss. ((Hugs)). Have you tried to speak to her about it? She may understand... You have to take care of yourself right now.

scunch · #6 January 8th, 2010, 08:48 PM

I know how you feel. I co-hosted my SILs baby shower 3 weeks after my m/c. It was not easy, but it was something I felt I had to do. If you do not think you are ready to handle it, could you explain this to your friend? I am sure she will be very understanding. Best of luck to you.

Kary♥RN · #7 January 8th, 2010, 10:09 PM

No you are not a bad person..... I felt like a bad person.. my SIL was three weeks.. before me... It was SOOOO hard going to see my niece.. I only went to her baby shower for an hour 1/2.. that is all I could handle.. I never went to the hospital when she was in labor.... for me I just couldn't do it.... It was hard the first time I saw her... out of the hospital... HUGS to what you ever decide... But YOU ARE NOT!!!! a bad person.. What you are feeling is normal.. HUGS.. PM me if you ever want to talk! HUGS

KDD · #8 January 9th, 2010, 08:18 AM

You are definitely not a bad person. I had a lot of trouble seeing women on the street that I didn't even know who were pg. I think that you should be open and honest with your friend about how you're feeling. She may not understand though (unless she's had a previous loss). Maybe you can arrange to see the baby at another time.

JesSsica · #9 January 9th, 2010, 08:45 AM

A best friend understands. If I were in your friends shoes and you came to me and said that you just couldn't do it, I would completely understand why. I'm so sorry....

Treysmama · #10 January 9th, 2010, 01:40 PM

Thank you all for your advice it helped a lot

Justjessie · #11 January 9th, 2010, 06:51 PM

I would never have understood why before I had a miscarriage, but now I do.

My co worker (a male) had his baby shower 2 days after my D&C. I didn't want to just not show up. So I went to him before the D&C...told him that the baby died, and I just couldn't make it to his shower because it would be too hard. I could barely get the words out and he cried with me (his wife had a miscarriage before this baby).

I didn't think people who lost their babies were wrong for feeling that way...I just wished they wouldn't be so sad. But now I understand why and I know there is nothing we can do to change how we feel. Everyone I meet NOW who has lost a baby...well, now I know what to say.

Celena · #12 January 10th, 2010, 09:58 PM

Not at all, my little SIL had my niece the day I lost our 1st babe this summer... it was so hard to muster up any sort of happiness for her. It was hard to even see her, had so many anxieties and fears, sadness... but when I saw her it was different than I thought it would be... better than I had anticapated.

I hope that you can find the answer in your heart, it's not an easy situation at all... but don't beat yourself up over your feelings honey.