Aggravated.../ Sad

LisaG825 · #1 January 28th, 2010, 06:12 PM

Just told a friend about how I am having to get my blood drawn weekly now and how it could be a year before I can ttc again. She said what about adoption. I know I probably shouldn't be ticked about her saying that but I am. Just makes it seem like she is saying I can't have kids. What makes it worse is she is pg. and her due date was a month from mine.

Had another student at work ask me about the baby. She asked me if I had the baby yet. It was so much harder to tell her b/c when I wasn't even really showing yet she rubbed my belly and said I was. (It was just my chubby belly from before I got pg. nothing had changed) LOL She was also telling how pretty the baby will be b/c I am pretty and so on. I told her I lost the baby and explained to her how he had some problems and is in Heaven now. I started shaking while I was talking to her. I felt like I was standing in front of 1000 ppl trying to give a speech or something. At least she didn't cry like the last student I told did. I ended up crying afterwords. This week has been really crappy and I have cried A LOT at work. I don't know if any of the students have noticed but I do know some of the teachers have. I know this sounds awful but sometimes I just wish that my heart would have stopped beating too and then I could at least be with my little one. Sorry for all my neg. comments today ladies. My mind is just night right at all today.

zkat · #2 January 28th, 2010, 07:38 PM

Lisa,

Your loss is still so recent and you are going through the stages of grief. What you feel is very normal and it's OK. I can only imagine how much harder it is dealing with the kids reactions to your loss. It has been almost five months and I still tear up when talking about it from time to time. Please come here and post as many rambling, venting posts as you need. It is a great outlet because everyone here understands and sometimes you just get tired of hearing the stupid things people say to you in person.

On top of everything else, you have had conflicting Dr. information and your hcg is still pretty high, so it is all the perfec storm for vent/rants/crying episodes. It is enough to send anyone over the edge. I think you are handling it all well.

Kat.

SkyBaby · #3 January 28th, 2010, 07:58 PM

Lisa

What you're feeling is very normal. It's been 6 months for me and my baby died very early on. I still cry sometimes talking about it as well. This week has been hard for me too. A friend of mine at work just found out she is pregnant and I am happy for her. I still broke down and cried on the way home from work the day she told me. Can you maybe take some time off work?

LisaG825 · #4 January 28th, 2010, 08:16 PM

I have sick days at work but I think they would get mad. Principal seemed a little angry when I told her I have to get bw done every week. I don't have to go in the morning to get bw done but I would rather do that then wait til the end of the day. She is like why don't u see if you can go in at a diff time. I also missed like 10 days b/c of the whole pg./m/c. I called in for like 4 days after my m/c. after christmas break. I was actually lucky that I had two weeks off for christmas or I would have missed a lot more work. I went back the first day after break and had a couple teachers say "how is mama doing?" they always asked me that b/c I had m/s all day sickness really bad. I started crying when I told them. Then 2 other teachers knew about my loss and asked how I was doing and I started crying. I had to leave after 2 1/2 hours. Told the principal I couldn't drive b/c my bp was low which my bp was really low but I could drive. I actually passed out in the shower a week later. It was the first time I was going to go out and eat dinner with family since my m/c and first time taking a shower since the day after my m/c. Thank goodness DH was in the shower with me (TMI probably) he ended up having to wash me off and everything b/c I was helpless. I have come a long way since that but it has just been really hard at work. I also have all the kids asking me if I am going to be the assistant coach for track. I was the assistant for cross country. I don't know I would love to do it but just don't know if I am emotionally ready to do anything like that. It is hard enough with them sitting next to me while I help them.

Trish36 · #5 January 29th, 2010, 11:31 AM

HUGS!!!! You have gone through so much and I'm sorry that you can't take any more time off. But sometimes it's better to keep yourself busy. I remember it was really hard at first for me to talk about my loss, but the more I did talk the easier it got and it really helped me heal.
What grade do you teach??? my dd was almost 10 when we lost ours and I was 12 weeks along. She took it really hard. Sounds like your students really care about you.

LisaG825 · #6 January 29th, 2010, 02:01 PM

I am an aide so I work with students in 6th-8th. So far I have had two 6th graders last me. I actually don't work with the two students that asked me. One I had when he was in 4th grade during my student teaching). The other I was the assistant coach for cross country and she ran. I have found it somewhat easier to talk about. It just really depends on the day though. Sometimes I am just fine and other days I am not.