[EJsMommy]

I posted some information about me and my sitatuation in the JM Welcome Center.
My name is Lovisa and I am married to DH Gus since 06-27-1998. I am 36 yrs young a few more weeks. We were TTC off and on for about 5 1/2 yrs. We did a test infertility test for DH swimmers and that came back in normal range. I had a histerosalpingogram done on May 12, 2009 and found out that I had dual uterus but else all normal. I O'd that day of this test so we missed that cycle. Next cycle that started May 26-09 I called the OB office and got a prescription filled for clomid (or very close to it) Took that for 5 days starting on the 3rd day of my cycle. We BD'd every other day for that whole month. Felt that I was getting the AF around our anniversary but it was just the symptoms but no AF. I did not think anything would be different any other month so I went another week without doing a test. Then my DH bought a PPT and I tested that day. This came back BFB. I had looked forward to this too long and so much I did not know how to react to that answer. The same response from my DH. Surprised and terrified at the same time. We went in to the OB about 4 weeks later for our first u/s and the little bean had a racing heartbeat. I will never forget that moment as long as I live. I was extatic and so was DH. Every appointment we went to after this one he went with me. All looked good until the beginning on October where the U/S revealed that the baby was measuring behind. We went to specialist (fetal maternal doctor) with a high level u/s machine. The tech did take the pictures and did the measurements without telling us anything outside of the norm of what she was doing. The doc came in and did check all the baby parts and noticed some anamolies like no nose bone, spots above kidneys, legs short in length to where it should have measured at the time. She was concerned about birth defects like downs or trisomy. They gave us the choice of doing a amniosentises. As my DH do not know his family medical history very well we opted for it. After this test was done the doc helped us finding what the sex of the baby was. A boy - we had really hoped for that. The rapid test results came in 2 days later and I found out that there were no problems with the chromosomes at all. What a releif that was at that time. We got an appointment 2 weeks later. The week of the appointment I felt down and irratable almost like AF was coming without the symptoms. We went to the appointment with hopeful hearts but when the nurse did a little training with the "doppler" on my tummy it was eirely silent in there. The doc confirm my fear that the baby had no heart beat any longer. That was a devestating blow. We found out that the placenta had fused in the wrong area of the uterine wall. I went over the weekend with him in my tummy and my regular ob scheduled a time for me to go to L&D on 11/04/09 to deliver him. We went in that morning to the hospital and I got registered. I arrived to L&D and immediately changed into a hospital gown. The ob was there waiting for me and starting with a normal dose of inducing medication up in "you know where". The nurses were trying to set a needle to give me medication intraveniously for pain and also for hydration purposes as well. At around lunch the ob doc came back and gave me a double dose of the inducing med. The next few hours were in a slight fog but labor pains started and they were strong and they really hurt. I asked for strong pain meds and got that intraveneously. At 4.50pm I delivered our son and a little later the placenta was scraped out. DH was able to see our son first and I took courage and saw his body the next morning (cold from being in a chilled area). That was very soothing in a way to be able to be able to say good bye and see you later. The weeks and months that followed were really dark both emoitionally and physically. Emotionally more so. We both had a hard time dealing with this loss. But what helped me was to talk to other ladies that had gone through what I just went through to know it is very common and it is ok to feel the way you feel that moment of time. Now I am in my second AF cycle and we started TTC again. My 3rd cycle should show up. I am hoping that this month is our month but if not then we'll keep on our TTC trial. I know this was sort of long and I appreciate that you took time to read my story. ~Lovisa

[mafiamom]

my heart breaks for you reading this story. i am so very sorry you had to endure something so painful. i am glad you and your dh decided it is time to try again.

i pray you get your sticky healthy bfp very very soon.

huge Hugs

[*MomofO&Nat*]

Hi Lovisa,
I just wanted to say welcome, and I am so sorry for all you have been through. I hope you find some comfort on this board, it has helped me so much!

[KDD]

Welcome Lovisa. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

My name is Kimberley and my DH is Jason. I'm also fast approaching 37 and TTC my first.

I hope that you will find this forum as welcoming as I did after my loss. Please feel free to jump in and ask any questions.

[EJsMommy]

Thank you ladies I certainly will come here and talk and spill my beans or ask questions.

[Kary♥RN]

Lovisa... I am so glad you made it over... {{HUGS}}, Thank you for sharing the stroy of your little boy, Erik. I am so sorry for your loss, and all you have had to go through. {{HUGS}}

My Wedding Anniversary is May 23, 1998!! We are also TTC our first together. I am 34 (will be 35 May 1st) my Dh Tom is 35... I look forward to getting to know you! Welcome to the board...

[EJsMommy]

Kary
Thank you for your welcome. I will stick around here as there is no one here that I personally know and that kind of gets me to a fresh start kwim? There is no one that can spread the word about us trying or that we succeeded (which at this point I do not know). Have a great weekend. I may stop by here this weekend or next week again. I was easy to post here it was just finding the right board and the buttons.

[mafiamom]

yay!!!! definitely come back and post often! these women have been so helpful and encouraging to me

what we have all gone thru is so traumatic and heartbreaking. it is so comforting to know we arent alone and our crazy thoughts and fears are normal

[j&jmom]

Thank you for sharing your story. I had tears in my eyes and am grateful I had my m/c early. I feel horrible, but I know I should count myself lucky. I have 2 beautiful boys already. Best of luck in TTC!

[EJsMommy]

I am back again . Thank you for your encouragement. Today I have had AF symptoms (no blood or anything) just the small shooting pains and moling pain kwim. Mucus started to show again perhaps due to BD'ng but that seemed to calm my small pain for a little bit. Can't say no to some of that. I am thinking that it still might be a little early to test yet. It is either BFP or AF (50/50 chance either way). I am not sure if I shared that this was our first together. My DH do not have any children of his own (in his past he got his then girl friend PG but she choose abortion) he was devestated. This loss just compounded this. Now we are on better ground due our connection with the lord. We are both working on it. On another note: Today we actually went to the local Family Christian Store and got our selves a study bible. I own 2 other bibles (NLT and a swedish one). I read both but it has not clicked so far so I got a bible just for women. It has some discussion questions and other things in there that should get you thinking and ponder over what you read. I so badly want a closer relationship with my first and foremost admirer my father and his son. You know which ones I mean. Then my next big admirer is my awsome DH.

[EJsMommy]

A little update: I did test and BFN. Oh well we will just have to continue BD until we succeed.