Who will you tell?

Kary♥RN · #1 January 30th, 2010, 01:52 PM

When you get your BFP do you plan on telling ever one? No one?

When will you tell them?? Right after you get your bfp? Or will you wait until you are past your "Loss date"....

JesSsica · #2 January 30th, 2010, 01:58 PM

I would probably wait if I get pregnant again. The reason is that we told right away with my first three pregnancies. The first two were as normal and uneventful as could be-- my kids' pregnancies. The third was my missed miscarriage. I had told everyone right away and I just let my family and friends spread the word when I found out my pregnancy was over. I just coudn't do it.

My last pregnancy, my chemical pregnancy, we were going to wait. My dh was SO excited though (he has no kids of his own-- mine are from my first marriage) so he wanted us to tell our parents. We did. Then he told the kids at the dinner table just days before I started bleeding. Talk about shocked! I didn't want them brought into the loop until after an u/s that showed a nice, normal babe with a strong h/b.

I think I would wait this time. The only good thing about not waiting is the prayers and support. You need both, good or bad. I guess I'll let you know for sure if I'm ever pregnant again because I could see my spilling the beans! LOL

zkat · #3 January 30th, 2010, 02:01 PM

I will tell DH of course and he doesn't want to tell anyone until after the first trimester. There are a couple of people I will have to tell - Coach on my women's soccer team and my co-captain on co-ed soccer if it is during soccer season because I will not continue to play. (I will probably make an excuse on why I am not playing to the rest of my teammates) and my boss. My boss is very intuitive and would probably figure it out anyway.

.:Shortcake:. · #4 January 30th, 2010, 02:08 PM

I will tell my DH and parents/siblings right away but wait until I'm halfway to tell everyone else.

kitkat8323 · #5 January 30th, 2010, 02:14 PM

the only one i will tell is my df im not gonna go through telling everyone that i lost the baby again i wont even tell my family they took it really really hard and i dont want to have to do that again

mommy x 10 · #6 January 30th, 2010, 02:15 PM

I'm not sure. I know there are certain people I will tell because I want their prayers and support. I will be worried for awhile that everything will be ok so I'm sure I will want the prayers and if the worst did happen again I would need prayers and support even more. So I think I will be telling some people.

mafiamom · #7 January 30th, 2010, 02:50 PM

i am torn on this one. i too want the prayers that come with telling my close family, but it was SOOOO hard "untelling" them.....

my gut tells me i will tell my dh after i know for sure AF is due and doesnt come. i will tell my sister that i am closest too, but other then that, i am totally waiting til week 14.

i learned my lesson the hard way for sure.

Natalie_Snow · #8 January 30th, 2010, 03:50 PM

I am going to tell my DH. I will tell the rest of the family and friends only in the 2nd trimester.
After my m/c I found that it was easier to deal with people who didn't even know I was PG.

lex1078 · #9 January 30th, 2010, 04:09 PM

DH and I talked about this. We don't want to tell anyone until I'm in the 2nd trimester so the chance of loss goes down then. BUT we do have one Go-to person each. We figured it would be too hard to not have some one than each other to talk to about it so we both decided to have a person who is outside of our normal group of friends who wouldn't be able to slip and give the secret away. Unless it's some freak of nature thing and I'm pregnant with twins or triplets or something odd, then we would spill the beans.

It's going to be hard though, really hard to not tell any one. I'm sure though, that people will figure it out on their own.

LisaG825 · #10 January 30th, 2010, 04:39 PM

This has been something that has been on my mind. I would def. tell DH first. Last time I actually told my stepsister (our dd were 12 wks apart). Then DH came home and I bought a card, bib that said Daddy and put the pg test in a gift bag. Then he looked at the test and was are you really? I was like yeah how would a dig. test show positive if I wasn't. Then he said my sister could have peed on it. LOL

Anyways, like I said I would def. tell DH. As for everyone else I don't know. It would be nice to have the support but it was sooo hard having to tell so many people that I had a m/c. Especially students at work. After having my problems this past week with my hcg reaching negative and then going up to 434 and back down to 300 something I don't know what to think. I told my mom on the phone the other day that when I do get pg again I don't think I will tell anyone but Matt. She kind of got mad and was like you better at least tell me I am your mother. I know some ppl tell right when they hit 2nd trimester but we made it to 15w4d last time. Right now I think that 20w for me would be a good time to tell family, friends, etc. The only way I feel that I will tell sooner than that is if I show. I wasn't really showing last time so ppl would not have know that I was almost 16w. I didn't gain any weight until week 14 and that was only b/c my feet swelled.

MeggysMommy · #11 January 30th, 2010, 09:33 PM

Of course DH would know the moment the test turns positive! My pregnancy last time after we found out, I said lets not tell anyone until for a little while. Well by the afternoon DH was getting ansty about how people would take the news so we ended up telling mostly everyone. I would really want to tell a few people after we find out. Though I definitely think I would wait until the first u/s and be able to show everyone.

EVY&EGYsMommy · #12 January 31st, 2010, 09:28 AM

I would of course tell DH

I will most likely tell my one BF and that is it. She is the only person I told about my m/c (except for my online friends). DH...I am not sure who he will tell. He told one of his BF's about the m/c and that was hard because he told his wife who called me a few days later (and of course she is pregnant) and it was kinda hard, you know? I hope DH tells a friend of his at work, so he has someone to tell but I don't have to face if we have another loss.

As far as parents....I didn't tell my parents until after I m/c. Then my mom was like "You weren't trying were you?" UGH. We kinda were but I just told her were were NTNP (which was the plan until I saw a pos OPK...ha ha ha!!). DH's parents don't even KNOW about the last preg/m/c so I think we will wait as long as we can...

Only problem is that I see my IL's ALL THE TIME so I am not sure we could hide it until the 2nd trimester. Like if I get a BFP this cycle...we are having a nice dinner in a week after I would test! They may notice if I don't drink wine with dinner. We'll see...I could always fake a tummy ache!

KDD · #13 January 31st, 2010, 09:30 AM

I don't know who we'll tell. I think that I'd like to tell my parents so they can experience some joy instead of just the sorrow when I told them of my m/c. But I also like the idea of it being my and DH's secret for a while. I guess I'll play it by ear.

nutmeg116 · #14 January 31st, 2010, 04:39 PM

I'll only tell DB at first, then everyone here! Probably my mom next because I see her every day and she'll figure it out. Other than that, my lips are sealed for quite a while. Only 2 family members know about my m/c, and that was because they were with me when it happened.

j&jmom · #15 January 31st, 2010, 06:35 PM

My dh and I wanted to wait with this last pg and we like to tell our parents in person, but with the m/c I had to call my Mom and tell her I lost a baby that I didn't tell her about. It was worse I think. Next time I plan on telling my Mom right away . . . anyway I can because I really have needed her support. Problem is that my Mom tells everyone . . . but I'm sure she will be discrete now this has happened.

dansyl · #16 January 31st, 2010, 08:30 PM

I'm not sure. I feel like I have to tell everyone at work because I work at a hospital and shouldn't be in certain pts rooms... so I'm kinda in a pickle lol

nurselochia · #17 February 1st, 2010, 05:58 AM

I'll be holding out a bit once I get a bfp. Obviously DH will know, and I'll probably tell my sister and my 2 close friends at work, I'll also post here, and probably on my blog. In the past we always told everyone right away, but after the m/c, I can't go through having to tell people we lost it. I'm waiting until I'm 10-11 weeks before I even make an appointment with my OB, because (with me at least) there's nothing going in early to see doc that will help.. Last time, I was in so early b/c I was worried about ectopic (turned out to be intuition of what was to come), so we saw a heartbeat, but if I had gone in on my original appt. date, we wouldn't have seen a hb. I think we'll tell family/friends after 12 weeks, and as for work, I'll tell people when they start noticing a belly

Which considering I work in OB and everyone is tuned into pregnancy, we'll see how far I get!

Kking2824 · #18 February 1st, 2010, 06:15 AM

We have decided that we arent going to tell anyone till we get past the 1st trimester. Or at least past where we were the last time (9.5 weeks). But i wonder if i will actually be able to hold out that long.. IDK.

Mama2Miracles · #19 February 1st, 2010, 11:48 AM

The plan is to not tell anyone. A few people know we are looking into doing IVF again but we are not going to tell them when we do it or if it works. We are going to go as far as we can without people noticing. Hopefully that would be to 17 weeks when we would have a gender scan and then we'd be able to say. 'We're pregnant!...And it's a ____!