[Celena]

So yesterday was supposed to be my first prenatal appointment with ultrasound to see the heartbeat, it was anything BUT that.

Ma appointment was for 2:30 so I arrived there way early thinking early in, early out... less time I have to be assulted with happy pregnant ladies. (I'm sorry, no offense to our graduates... so NOT talking about y'all) Sorta sucked because this lady asked me how I planned on delivering after she had made a comment to another lady about how the hospital stunk... I had chimed in saying I was stuck in there for 9 hours last monday. (guess I opened myself up on that one conversation) She asked was I in preterm labor, I could only muster out that I'm having complications. So after that is when she asked about epidural or natural, I told her my 3 live children I went natural and that was it. She went on to tell me her nightmare and I listened, mortified and my thoughts went to (if & when) I ever get pregnant healthily I will probably SWITCH practices. Then she was called back, I didn't have to stammer over my words because of my anxiety about my appointment anyways.

So after an hour wait they finally called me back for JUST the bloodwork. I asked about the u/s and they apparently cancelled it, so they had to go talk to the tech to squeeze me in and explain the situtation about the appointment with her being cancelled, that it needed to be done etc etc

When I was first taken into the u/s room, the dr came in... he said that surgery might be the route we have to go, but that we will wait until the numbers are in to decide the plan of action. That is might be different than what they originally planned. He didn't say a whole lot, just that it could be a couple more weeks before I ever start bleeding, that with the length far along there will be fleshy & tissue expelled along with the clots and bleeding.

So long story short.... during the scan she had to press on my lower left side of my abdomen and I asked her why it would hurt so horribly bad. She said there's a few things going on over there that would make it painful one being a hemorraghic cyst (cyst filled with blood, I'm assuming) and when I asked her what else she didn't/wouldn't say. Said the doctor wouuld have to look things over and he would decide what to do from there.

My uterus has continued to grow, it was weird looking but it made me so sad to see NOTHING in my uterus and a baby in my tube that I could never keep or hold. As stupid as it sounds I held a glimmer of hope that perhaps it would move, but that NEVER happens... so I say forget hope! Tired of getting let down so fricken hard. anyways.

So on 1/21 there was an abnormal sac in my uterus, must have been a suedo sac after all because it was gone yesterday. The gestational sac & baby in the left tube was larger, but it is collapsing so the shots have done something. I've yet to have any bleeding and today I've had some pink... it really looks like pink drops of urine on the TP but I know it's not because it's yellow in the potty.

I got a call this morning and my numbers have dropped from 5000 to close to 3500, but that the NP has to chase down the doctor with the ultrasound and bloodwork results so he can decide what to do. She said if she cannot get ahold of him that she would talk to my dr tomorrow since she'll be in the office then.

To top all of this off... my husband royally pissed me off on top of everything I am going thru. When it rain in monsoon's! (right???)

I think this is it, I'm sure I've left allot out... but this is the jist as of right now.

Thanks for the support, I appreciate it... I'm going to be getting my laptop a) fixed or buy a new one here when my taxes come back. I think I deserve a perk after all the cr@p.

Oh ya did I mention I still have strong symptoms? Geesh!

[mafiamom]

i am so very sorry you had to go thru all that - from chatting with the ladies to having your u/s cancelled.... ugh. it just makes everything harder.

do they think you will be able to go naturally at all? i do not know a lot about ectopic pregnancies, is surgery always needed? i pray that everything goes very very smoothly for you and you recover completely with no trauma to your tubes....

big huge hugs. wish there was something i can say to make this all better.... i know there isnt.......

[Celena]

Some need surgery, some do not, some don't even need meds! So I guess it's different per lady I believe. I've heard several different ways from different ladies how they were treated.

Ya, I did end up having the u/s just ended up waiting 2.5+ hours before they got me in there! I was the LAST patient to leave the office after they had closed.... made me nearly 2 hours late to work

Thank you, it will get better.... it always gets worse before it gets better tho My emotional pandora's box is beginning to creeeeek open.

I swore off TTC when I found all of this out, but it has snuck in my mind a little here and there. I had a dream about twins, 1 boy 1 girl that looked like DH & I. It's not the first dream I've had of twins for us... it wouldn't be the first precognitive dream either if it were to come true.

I knew something was wrong when I had had a horrible nightmare one night of pouring out blood, losing this pregnancy.... the next morning after my second pee I had spotting. It was right after I told Dh about the bad dream I had had, he stood there horrified when I cried out and he saw the tp.

[krystal g]

I'm so sorry Celena. I wish there was something...anything...somebody could do. It's just not fair. All I can say is I hope that everything resolves itself quickly and you can begin healing again. And as for TTC again, well, maybe you will to get those twin babies you've been dreaming about. I've had a few precog dreams myself and totally believe in them, good or bad...I hope this good one comes true for you. You're a wonderful mama and deserve another little one (or two ) to bless your family. Big ol' hugs to you!

[Magicaledelishus]

(((((Celena))))) I am so sorry that your appt was so long and drawn out. I hate that. What you're going through is hard enough, l;et alone having people talk to you that you don't even know (although I'm sure her intentions were good) and then taking an eternity to get in and be seen. Sheesh. I know how hard it is, but there's not much I can say to fix it. Just that you are in my thoughts and I hope it goes quickly for you so you can heal physically and mentally.

[lex1078]

I'm so sorry you had to endure that conversation. People just don't get the whole "shush it" theory and get diarrhea of the mouth. I hope you feel better soon. I'm so sorry for what you're going through.

[BrandiJeane]

Im so sorry... I also had to face a conversation something like that at the Dr's office today as well.. It sucks!! I also had a wait of 2.5 hours before getting back for my u/s.

[alethia]

I am so sorry you are going through soooo much! (((HUGS))) And Heck yes - you better get yourself a laptop - you definitely deserve it! You're right with the when it rains it monsoons I'm sending prayers that things will start to happen naturally and you will heal quickly - in ALL manner of ways - physically and emotionally. You have been through so much and are such a strong woman. (((HUGS)))

[Kary♥RN]

{{{HUGS}}} You know I am a text away! {{{HUGS}}}

[Celena]

..........A little UPDATE.......

I think I'm gearing up to start to lose this little one, have had some cramping with red spotting and a teensy red fleshy clotty looking piece of something. It was slightly larger than a pinhead.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Celena I am so sorry your going through this. Hugs! I am glad that you are not having to have surgery though. Praying that the doctors now figure everything out for you!

[SkyBaby]

I'm so sorry Celena..

I'm praying for you...

[BrandiJeane]

Im so sorry!! Praying for you!

[JessP]

I am so sorry you are going through this Celena. I pray that you heal and start feeling better soon. Many Hugs and I am thinking of you tons hun.

[Frangipani]

I'm sorry you are going through this, Celena. I agree with you though-when you get through all this, you really need a new doctor's office. That doc just doesn't seem very sympathetic at all.

big (((hugs)))

[Trish36]

Celena I just hate how this is dragging out for you. My heart is breaking when I read your posts. I really wish you didn't have to go through this. Just wanted to say I'm so sorry!!!!!!!!

[Natalie_Snow]

I'm so sorry Celena! {HUGS HUGS HUGS}
I hope it will all happen naturally and you will not need surgery.
I am sorry you had to be in that conversation, ugh

I just wanted to say I am very sorry!

[jjc99]

Celena - I just wanted to say that I am thinking of you and so sorry you are going through all this. This sucks.

[Celena]

OF hockying COURSE this would start while I was at work...

I just thought my fibro was starting to kick my back, but no it's cramps and it's back pain because my loss of this little one is starting. it's starting to become a reality again, I knew it was coming, I knew it... now so are the tears, the anger, did I mention anger?, deep deep sadness. You ladies know, you're the only ones who know, who understand... sometimes I wish I could type out a butt ton of cuss words because that's how freaking grr I am. DAMMIT!

[Kary♥RN]

HUGS..... My heart is breaking for you.... HUGS... I am here for you...