[Celena]

I had this flooding feeling come over me when I just realized how quickly March is approaching and what it was supposed to bring with it... my baby. That was my first loss this summer and then April to follow with a 2nd EDD. Adding insult to injury I'm going thru my 3rd loss right now... really?

Then a supposed friend of mine says "I hate to say it, but perhaps God is trying to tell you something." Um, really? Granted I may "sound" okay, but didn't I just say that I'm NUMB? What the frick kind of friend are you? She's an odd one, you'd have to know her and she means no malice I know she doesn't... she's just weird in that way. Socially inept (sp)

AND to top it off... my DH's BFF's wife has the same EDD that I had with my 1st loss over the summer... March 23rd and while I'm glad for them, she feels horribly for us to have gone thru so much it's just hard to know someone with the exact same EDD going on to have this wonderful healthy easy pregnancy. I've hardly talked to her at all until recently and now she's backed away some since she found out we're going thru another loss.

I'm numb, I'm completely and uttery numb.

On top of losing our baby here at 8wks 3 days yesterday, there's everything else happening in my life... my favorite slogan lately is "just when you think life is serving you up a gem, it turns out to be a polished turd" Am I pessimistic or what lately? Gosh deep down I'm an eternal optimist... sure wish taht gal would come out and stick around!

It WILL get better, I WILL get thru this because I HAVE TO get thru this... I have no other choice.

You know a storm cannot linger forever, eventually is breaks up or is blown away with the winds of change... this too shall pass. If only it would pass a little more quickly and painlessly.

[lexismom25]

I'm sooo sorry for your loss. I had two m/c's before I had my daughter. Don't give up hope. It will happen for you! Hugs

[HopefulMommy81]

Celena, I am so sorry, hon- I don't know what other words to say! I'm sorry about your friend's comment- I've had people say things about my getting pregnant or my loss and I was like "What? Did you really just say that?" Unfortunately, some people's social skills just aren't good (my BIL's GF is one of those people-it's bad!). I hope that optimistic gal comes out of you soon, hon! And I am continuing to keep you in my T&P.

[.:Shortcake:.]

Celena I am so sorry your having to go through this. And I have a friend like yours and while she means no harm its always horrible to hear. I pray that God gives you comfort. The quote in my siggy is the way I'm trying to think right now. But it is hard to always be so optimistic when bad things happen. But remember hun "it may be raining now but it can't rain forever". I <3 you hun! Anytime you need anything please get ahold of me.

[mafiamom]

celena, i am so very sorry. losses carry with them so much pain. pain that seems to be lessening and then just comes over you in a breathtaking WOOSH..... it can bring you to your knees, cant it?

you are in my thoughts now and in the difficult months ahead. you WILL get thru, you now this, but the getting there really does suck, i know.

huge hugs~

[nurselochia]

I am so sorry, people can say pretty stupid things sometimes, thinking they're being helpful. I've also been feeling pretty sad lately. My EDD was 3-19 and I had to work with a girl this weekend who is due 3-20. I hadn't seen her for awhile and when I had to give her report, it brought up a huge flood of emotions that I hadn't felt for awhile. Don't lose hope, you will get through this.

[ohnicole]

My EDD is also coming up on March 31. Mostly I guess I have been trying not to think about it, but when I do, it is pretty hard to deal with. Just not being pregnant again by the time it rolls around is hard enough, I can't imagine how awful it is for you with additional losses. I'm so sorry that you have to go through all that.

I know sometimes it's easier to forgive friends/family who say stupid things than to fight with them, but really it's amazing how rude and inconsiderate people who are supposed to care about you can be. It is really shocking, and it only makes a horrible time worse.

I try not to be an optimist or a pessimist right now, mostly because I know I can't possibly be an optimist. I try to be in the present as much as I can. Mostly it doesn't work but when it does, it's nice to enjoy even a little bit of time with DH or my dogs or a good book or whatever. Like I said, mostly I can't keep myself from worrying about the future, but even small breaks help.

I hope this next month isn't too bad for you, and that in the future you won't have to deal with anything else this sad.

[ldovey83]

Aww Celena I am so sorry hun.... I to have another EDD approaching in April and two of my bestfriends have had babies.. Well one is due any day and it has been really hard on me.. Sometimes it is hard for a friend to know what to say when they havn't been there... My friend Ami said alot of hurtful things that she didn't realize hurt me cause she has never expierenced a loss or been down that road... Just hang in there and know that things will get better. God is holding you in the palm of his hand right now and from what I have learned He never gives us to much we can't handle.. I don't know why we have to go through these things, but remember God has a plan.. He has a reason for everything, and where as the words may not be comforting just take comfort in knowing God is there. Pour your heart out to Him.. I have been doing alot of that here recently... HUGs hung.... I wish I could just give you a real big old hug and a shoulder to cry on, but I hope this internet hug will do.. If you need to talk feel free to PM...

[j&jmom]

I'm so sorry you are going through this yet again. I'm kinda pissed off at your friend right now. Some people are just ignorant, not to call your friend names, but she just does not know any better and made a remark that was hurtful unintentionally. The statistics is that 1 out of every 5 women have a mc. No matter how many times I hear that it doesn't keep me from wondering "why me?" But that is a lot of women . . . women who feel the same pain you feel . . . and we are all still living life everyday. You have to believe, that although you've had a bad run, things will get better. I wish you all the luck in getting through this. I can't imagine the pain you are feeling. **HUGS**

[Kary♥RN]

HUGS.... EDD are so hard... You look them knowing what you don't have... I am so sorry you are going through this.. I wish I could take all you pain away... HUGS!!!

[Celena]

I just think about right after giving birth to our baby, holding smelling in total awe and it makes me bawl right now.

I know God has a plan and things always happen in His time, which is the perfect time... I feel like God is always talking to me or else I wouldn't foresee some of these things getting ready to happen. I truly do believe we will be & have a healthy happy successful baby & pregnancy this next time around. I pray so much it happens much quicker. Quickly.

So I'm not sure how long I'm going to hold out on not TTC... I had blood work done today and after we find out the results tomorrow they're making me an appointment to "check me out" see if I have any problems as to why this is happening. I'm so scared they're going to find something that is going to leave me barren permanently. But I cannot allow myself to think that way, guess I just want to "prepare" myself.

[momof6lopez]

Celena, I just wanted to come by and say how your on my mind more than any other JM member. I really feel like you have experienced some really bad luck and that your tests will prove that all is good with your body. I mentioned to you a long time ago, but wanted to remind you to ask your dr. about monitoring a couple cycles of yours to see if the daily meds you taking are making you lutenize your eggs........this could be why it takes you so long inbetween cycles to get pg. I know you will have a healthy pregnancy SOON, and just wanted to say how much you mean to me. Hugs and love to you.

[Celena]

Lori I haven't told you, I'm not taking all my meds anymore... I was on 6 of the pain meds a day down to 1 if any!!! So hopefully that helps but yes I need to document EVERYTHING that I have been thru, am going thru, medications I've had to or am currently taking. Had my blood work this am and they said depending on what the results were we'll schedule my work-up appointment!!! I'm sorta excited, is that stupid? I'm devastated about my angel, but thank GOD finally going to have a look inside. I'll tell ya what at this point I don't care if the ins covers it or not, I'll deal with that later.

I cannot help the overwhelming positive feeling that I've started getting about how the next time we find out we're pregnant it's going to be the healthy, sticky bean. Was telling DH that today... he's actually happy that they're staying on the ball at my dr's office to check me out.

You mean allot to me too Lori, I think of you daily and haven't stopped praying for you... I love you too momma, please keep me posted on you & beaner!

[momof6lopez]

Celena, Im so happy you got the ball rolling and so quickly at that! Great dr. How long have you been off the meds? was it just shortly before this last pg? If so, thats a great sign that your body is reacting well and you will be pg in no time again! They better start you on progesterone as a precautionary step with your next cycle you ttc. Its better if you start right after O, that makes it the most effective. Im excited for your news too, and cant wait to hear what your dr.'s plan of attack is for you. Praying for great results and a quick bfp this next go around.

[missy123]

I wish I had the words to say, the actions to take to make this easier on you Celena. You have been such a great support for so many. I am sorry honey... I feel so helpless, wish I could do something. (Hugs)

[Celena]

[SkyBaby]

I'm so sorry Celena.. One loss is hard enough. I would be in a mental institution if I suffer another one. I'm still in pieces from mine. You're stronger than I am. Keep your head up. Trust your instincts. I, too, think the next baby will be a keeper. I love you girl and I'm thinking and praying for you.