Is this normal?

ldovey83 · #1 February 15th, 2010, 05:13 PM

OK after all I have been through I was at a friends house and her daughter who is due in June 2010 found out she was having a girl, and she was showing us the ultrasound pics and going through the baby girl stuff she was given and I got so teary eyed I had to leave.. Well in the car on the way back DH asked me what was wrong and I kept saying nothing, and then I finally said well it's not worth talking about.. Well he kept telling me to tell him so I said it's the baby thing... He said well I think you are going through some kind of a depression and I think you need mental help cause you can't get around anyone pregnant or baby stuff without getting upset.... I couldn't believe he said that.. I am only that way cause of how he has treated me the last few days... Is it normal to be upset about not being pregnant after two losses when everyone around me is when they don't even want it?

mafiamom · #2 February 15th, 2010, 05:19 PM

soooo not abnormal. that is a completely normal way to react. you are grieving and longing and frustrated....

i think it is time to sit down with him for a serious talk. i dont think you guys are on the same page and imo, things are going to get any better until you both air out whatever is on your minds.

so sorry you had a bad experience. i hope he comes around - give him a chance to really say what is on his mind and try to be completely honest with him too! GL~

JesSsica · #3 February 15th, 2010, 05:26 PM

It's very, very normal. Of course you're going to be sad. Of course you're going to be depressed and personalize it when the topic of babies comes up. Time will help heal that but everyone heals at different rates.

My dh doesn't understand why I would be emotional about my losses. In his male opinion you feel your sadness and then move on and get over it. I'm not like that. I'm not consumed with my losses and in my opinion I'm doing pretty well on the outside, but I'm not going to just decide I'm over it and move on.

I still feel a little funny when I hear of people talking happily about their pregnancies, and get a little jealous when I see their u/s pics that they got of their babies. My u/s was the most depressing thing I've ever gone through and many days I wish I could relive that day with a better outcome. I'm still happy for them but I'm still sad for me.

It's so normal. On one hand, your dh is a man and men are fixers. He probably feels like if he feels better about things then you should too. On the other hand, your dh is the closest person to you. If he feels like you're really, really depressed, don't take that lightly. He would know. That said, men handle emotional losses differently. It's our bodies so they won't ever truly "get it".

I'm so sorry. I can totally empathize...

~Lynda~ · #4 February 16th, 2010, 07:12 AM

it is true, it is very normal, but you must understand that MOST men don't see it the same way we do. We have been trying for two years with three losses and my DH keeps telling me, "it will happen, when it's meant to happen" - I just about want to scream and strangle him. I just answer, I wish you were right hun, but I don't think you are... men can be very frustrating. but i think i would have taken that conversation a bit further in telling him that you are upset because he doesn't seem to be making an effort and it's very important to you. Walk soft in the way you deliver it, cause egos are a tough thing to deal with!

HUGS!!!!

zkat · #5 February 16th, 2010, 07:27 AM

I agree with the previous posters what you feel is normal and You and DH need to have an open, honest -everything out there conversation. Just from what I have read on from your posts, you both have some unresolved issues in regards to your losses and ttc.

This is a long, painful process for some of us and it will either bring you two closer together or tear you apart. I have seen it go both ways in relationships and it usually comes down to communication and understanding for each other.

We are here anytime you need us.

Kat.

.:Shortcake:. · #6 February 16th, 2010, 08:17 AM

This is the "normal" for women that have been through a loss. I am so sorry! Hugs hun.

ldovey83 · #7 February 16th, 2010, 08:52 AM

Well I did get a chance to talk to DH lastnight... I explained to him the best I could as to why I was upset.. I told him I have wanted a second child for so long and we have been at this for a yr now with 2 losses.. All my friends are getting pregnant and the majority of them have said they didn't want this, and all and that is upsetting for me to hear cause so many women are trying to get pregnant that would want it and we struggle cycle to cycle.. KWIM? I told him that it has just been a rough week with not getting any time with him and that I think I missed my ovulation and all... So I felt like a failure and that I wasted a totally good cycle... It ended on a good note cause we got some time together and will again tonight before he works back to back again.. I guess we will see what happens cause so far my chart has not said I ovulated yet.. I think I did on Val day cause I had O pains but my temp normally shoots to over 98 when I do and it hasn't yet... WE shall see.

Kary♥RN · #8 February 16th, 2010, 12:26 PM

What you are feeling is totally normal. Sometimes I let DH read some stuff I have posted and the replies... so he knows.. "IT"S JUST NOT ME".. going through this.. and sometimes other ladies put into words my dh can understand. I have let him read my blog... We have had so many "fights" over he wants the "old me" back... thier is no Old Me... she is gone.. just the new me... who has lost three babies... It is not a fun place for me to be.... But it is the new me non the less......... I am glad you and DH got things out in the open... being honest about your feelings is the best thing right now.. HUGS!

mafiamom · #9 February 16th, 2010, 01:17 PM

omg kary! my dh has also uttered the words that he misses the old me..... just like you said - that person is gone. older, wiser, sadder but stronger! love me, love my scars!

ldovey83 · #10 February 16th, 2010, 04:00 PM

Colleen and Kary I too have heard those words from DH..... I like your thinking Colleen.... " older,wiser, sadder but stronger, love me, love my scars" That is a good saying.. I am going to remember that next time he says something about the old me... LOL You ladies are the best and I am glad that I have you ladies to talk too and support to know I am not alone..

Justjessie · #11 February 17th, 2010, 06:42 PM

I think what you are feeling is normal. Guys don't get it.

There is a lady at my work who is due in June. I was due in June but had a missed miscarriage. I'm 9 weeks pregnant again now and due in September...and every time I see this woman my heart drops. Because I SHOULD have been that big...of course then I feel bad because I love this baby too...but you know what I mean.

Tonight I was talking about the baby we lost and Dh said "I don't want to talk about that baby." And it makes me mad, why are we going to NOT talk about one of our kids????????????????? Why is it not going to get the same respect as the other three?

So come here and vent anytime!