i need to vent just a bit.

mafiamom · #1 February 24th, 2010, 12:36 PM

not really a vent, but i just need to write some things to get them off my chest so i can leave them go.

these are the things i did when i was pregnant this last time that haunt me. i know really none of them caused my m/c but they enter my mind occasionally and i want to excise them once and for all.

~i started synthroid the month i conceived. everything says that hypothyroid causes m/c but after i started the meds my levels were perfect.

~i had one cup of (regular) coffee a day.

~i had wine a few times before i knew i was pg.

~i packed and unpacked my car alone two or three times with heavy (20 lbs?) luggage. also lugged out 2 christmas trees to decorate... in my mind - too much heavy lifting.

~i had to defrost my frozen pipes with my hairdryer out in -12 degree weather. was out there for 45 minutes.

now go AWAY and dont come back!

zkat · #2 February 24th, 2010, 01:59 PM

Collen,

I know you all ready know this but I will repeat it again - nothing you did caused your miscarriage.

1) My levels were off when I got pregnant and I talked to my endocrinologist and she told me that even though I was on the complete wrong medication and my levels were way off, it most likely was NOT the cause of my miscarriage.

2) Most studies show that 1 cup a day is fine - My sister drank a gallon of Dr. Pepper a day with her pregnancy and her son is fine

3) Again - some Dr. will tell you 1 glass of wine will not hurt. Also, before you knew you were pregnant, you probably weren't sharing blood with the baby yet

4) I play soccer - I have been on the field with women that were 4-5 months pregnant (and they weren't taking it easy - yea don't get me started) if women can run marathons or play 90 min. soccer games, chances are your luggage didn't cause your miscarriage

5) I am a big baby in the cold, so no comeback on this one, but probably still didn't cause you to miscarry.

There - they are gone and will never come back! We all do it after a loss. I did the same thing. It actually bothered me so back, I completely decaffeinated myself AFTER the miscarriage in prep for the next time (and still am decaffed)

Kat.

Isabelle · #3 February 24th, 2010, 02:10 PM

Hugs Colleen.

God...I drank almost half a bottle of wine one night.
I was hefting buckets of coal up from the basement.
Lifting our pot belly pig who weighs easily over 60lbs.
Eating tons of fish, tuna, salmon etc..

Just stuff I wouldn't do if I knew I was pregnant.
That being said I'm still hefting coal and carrying the bloody pig. That's going to have to stop. I'm going to have to have a chat with Doug (DH)

You did NOTHING wrong. Nothing. Look at all the people that don't even know they are pregnant until the deliver (mind boggling to me but oh well

)...they have no idea and yet have a perfectly healthy baby most of the time.

Glad you got it all off your chest. Now Chin up Captain' (as my 3 yr old would say!)

mafiamom · #4 February 24th, 2010, 03:27 PM

you girls are the best

Celena · #5 February 25th, 2010, 05:50 PM

Colleen, I know I can't make you feel better or make those haunting things disappear... but just want you to know that I feel much of the same way for different reasons. There's just some things we will never know nor will we ever know for sure... there's things about our losses that we cannot or will not ever be able to understand, at least not in this lifetime. It's something that is hard to come to terms with, but repeating it as if it's a mantra helps me release some of the guilt, the haunting is less daunting.

I do hope throwing it out there, saying it, typing it helps you let it go... get ride of those haunting scarey negative feelings. Let go and let love

Are you feeling any relief hon?

jojo1207 · #6 February 25th, 2010, 11:06 PM

None of those caused your m/c. I hate to think of this but the sperm/egg combo just was not a good match. The end. But the next one might be!

Considering all involved and the perfect conditions needing to be met in do many areas, I'm surprised human beings can reproduce at all...

ohnicole · #7 February 26th, 2010, 07:56 AM

I have my own list just like yours.... I know my list is ridiculous, but sometimes it just pops into my head. Mine are:

1. My doctor kept telling me to stop taking my extra B complex, and I finally stopped, the week my baby stopped growing.

2. I went to an amusement park and walked around all day (it wasn't hot out, and I wasn't tired).

3. I ate candy (I am kind of a candyaholic

)

4. We got the well water at our rented house tested a couple months after my m/c and found out the nitrite level was just over the limit (like the normal limit is 10, and our was 10.2).

I almost think it helped me to see your list, because it is much more clear when you're thinking about someone else, that those things had nothing to do with a m/c. I hope you're feeling better about those things you did. It's so hard sometimes to accept that what happened, happened and we had NO control over it. That's scarier for me I think than thinking I did something wrong.

mafiamom · #8 February 26th, 2010, 08:10 AM

the lack of control drives me nuts. i am used to the ideal that if you work hard, do what you are supposed to do then you get the results you want. making a baby is sooooo not like that. you can do everything perfectly and it still may not come to be.

how annoying is that???

ohnicole · #9 February 26th, 2010, 10:21 AM

It's even more annoying when you see all the people who don't even want a baby or who do everything wrong during pregnancy, and it works out for them just fine. There is definitely no way to pretend that we have any control at all over TTC and pg.

j&jmom · #10 February 26th, 2010, 04:51 PM

I have the same list of things that maybe I shouldn't have done . . . maybe the combination of things . . . I keep trying to reason it in my head. Both of my other pregnancies were fine . . . I know I need to listen to my doctor when she says that these things just happen, but it is hard to accept sometimes.

martilynne · #11 February 26th, 2010, 05:12 PM

After my first two losses I did the same thing so even before I got pregnant the third time I was determined to do everything right. I quit drinking alcohol and caffeine as soon as my cycle started just in case I got pregnant. I was taking prenatal vitamins for months before we even started trying and she still had trisomy 18. There was nothing I could have done to change that. It sucks, bad, but at least it is not our fault that this happens to us. You did nothing wrong! (((hugs)))

Kary♥RN · #12 February 26th, 2010, 05:55 PM

Collen HUGS.... After each loss... I would go through.. all the things I did that could have caused my m/c.... And one of them I know was not my fault.. trisomny 22 took that baby.... but the other two... I still question... was it my clotting factor... or was that patient I lifted?... Even this last cycle... I swore I was out again..... I had a huge cup of coffee at work the night before I tested.... All I could think was... what did I do????