[ohnicole]

I am kind of down in the dumps about a giant list of things going on in my life right now, so I just wanted to vent a little, and see if anyone else wants to jump on the bandwagon.

My sister had some strokes almost 2 months ago now, and is in pretty bad shape still. She can only move her right arm and she can talk and eat, etc. She is also not quite herself, yet, personality wise. Close, but not quite. So I moved back home to support her through rehab until May. I am glad to be here for her, but this means that TTC until May is sooooo hard. I have irregular cycles and it is impossible to time trips to catch O. So most likely, we are out of the TTC race until May. I also had to take a leave of absence from school during this time. DH is graduating in June and will most likely move on to a new job in a new city right after. This means I will either have to give up TTC until I graduate in December, or give up graduating to be able to TTC. (There is a lot more stuff here about work, and my boss, and my future goals, etc that plays into this decision, but that is for another time, another place). How can I decide this??????????? I can't even stand the idea of not even being pg this time next year, but that is what I may be looking at. Plus, once I do go home, I am going to feel so bad about leaving my sister. She will be no where near recovered. I don't know what to do about that guilt, or the guilt of leaving my mom to take care of her full time. Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

So there is my vent, whether it makes sense or not

[mafiamom]

wow. i am so sorry you have so much on your plate.

i need some more info! how far away is your sister from your home? where does your mom live? have you moved in with your sis? are YOU taking full care of your sister? sounds like you might have if you have quite school.....

i might be able to give more helpful comments if i know a bit more about your sith!

[ohnicole]

Right now my sister is in a rehab facility, at least through the end of March. My family (mom, sister, etc) lives about a 12 hour drive from where DH and I live, so it is pretty far. The plan for now is that once my sister gets discharged to home, my mom will take care of her during the day with help from my BIL and my stepdad when they aren't at work. Whether this will work or not, I don't know, because my mom has some health issues that will make the physicality of getting my sister dressed, in and out of bed, etc. difficult for her. But that is the plan now.

My plan now is to go back to school in May and finish by December, but that is the plan that eliminates (basically) TTC for a whole year. And should my mom not be able to care for my sister, I will volunteer for that job anyway. Really I have already volunteered, but my family wants to try to keep her close geographically to everyone else if they can. There are so many unknowns, and none of the potential outcomes are ideal, unfortunately.

[zkat]

Nicole,

The uncertainity is the hardest part, but hang in there and have faith that this will happen in the right time. This is hard enough without the complications you have with taking care of your sister.

When I first m/c last Sept. the thought of not trying for 6 months was unthinkable. I really thought that if I didn't get pregnant right away, it was going to be the end of the world. Here I am 6 months later and it is our first cycle ttc again. (Cervix blockage, no AF, thyroid issues) The world is still turning and I am actually happy that it has taken us this long, as I have been able to get my health back under control and get the results of some blood work that shows that I am homo for MTHFr mutation.

I think for me - the key was giving it all up to God and accepting that A) I cannot control everything and B) My life is going according to the plan. C) God's plan trumps my plan every day. Not everyone shares the my faith, so I hope I have not offended you, but it is really the only thing that has helped me.

You may think this through and decide that your last two semesters of school can wait a couple of years. Whatever you decide, have peace.

Kat.