[EJsMommy]

My spirit is crushed and has been since our loss. My EDD is tomorrow March 2nd so needless to say I am sad in my heart. I am not staying this way forever as I refuse to buy into the lie that our enemy put out there. He is not getting the better of me to make me think that we will always be down and out and that we will never have a living child. The last one is something I feared a little and told myself that we will as that is God's will for us. As we have faith in that promise and take the necessary action that we will be able to be parents to beautiful children on this earth.

One of our friends (one that introduced me and DH) had her baby this past friday and her DH called and let us know sunday morning. We were due like 1 day apart. I tried to be happy for them (they know my story) but felt sad for me. Is that egotistical thinking?

I am also suppose to call my OB doc for a consultation to get back on clomid again as we have TTC for two months now and nothing to show for it (some of you may have tried longer) I am going to ask to not have to wait until May to get on it again. Last time it only took 1 try with clomid. He had mentioned before not to start trying until 3 months after delivery and then 6 months to start on clomid from delivery (Nov 4th, 2009). Anyone else in a similar boat? What did you do?

Update:
I finally made my call to the doctor and have an appointment on March 18th in the afternoon for what I said was a consultation visit. I so hope that the doctor will let me get clomid if this is not our month.

[mafiamom]

bless your heart. i can imagine your soul is aching right now. hang onto those promises! he blesses those who are faithful! i know it is sooo very hard and i cant even what you have been thru. let yourself have this time to grieve once again. it is healthy and expected. i will be thinking and praying for you for sure.

as for the clomid...well you are asking the wrong gal. i have no patience at all so i would be clamoring for it!

[Kary♥RN]

Lovisa... HUGS... EED are so hard... HUGS... Know we are here for you and know what you are going through.... I will be thinking of you tomorrow...

[SkyBaby]

I know how you feel. My EDD is coming up in about a week. A friend of mine at work just found out she's expecting and another coworker is due just after I was supposed to be. It is NOT egotistical thinking to be sad remembering your Angel Baby. The pain came back almost full force when I suddenly realized my EDD was coming up. It's beginning to subside. At my job, I have to be happy. I can't afford to have a break down. I do my best to shove it to the deepest, darkest corners of my mind, but it's always there. Part of me is almost.. jealous in some ways. Now I think that is egotistical thinking, but at the same time, I can't really control it either.

[lex1078]

Please do not think you are being egotistical. Almost, especially lately, any day is getting hard for me. I think about my losses so often. Just last week it came to my realization that if my girls were born at term they would be just over a year old now. I only wonder how different my life would be. No offense to Kary, but even finding out that someone is pregnant with twins hurts me. It has nothing to do with that person, just what I've been through. Unfortunately, these feelings we will have for the rest of our life. Always will have the "what if's". Eh, sorry if I'm going on too much.

As for the clomid, call and talk to your Dr. Tell him that you've tried for 2 months, nothing has happened and your very anxious to be a Mom. Hopefully he'll understand and get you started as soon as possible.

[EJsMommy]

Thank you ladies. I know that I will have this memory in my heart forever but I wont let squashed spirit and hurt drag me down for good, kwim?
Having a group of ladies in my corner that know what I have gone through is so comforting. I need to be strong making that phone call and carry through with my wishes there. I am not getting any younger and the waiting game is getting old really fast.

[ldovey83]

It is very common to feel sad around your EDD.... I have my second losses EDD coming up and it is getting hard for me.. It makes it that much harder when friends and best friends and even family is having babies around you.. I don't think that is easy for anyone who has experienced a loss.. My best friend just had her baby Thurs night and I wasn't sure how I would handle it but I was strong for her but inside my heart was just riping into pieces.. Hang in there hun.. I w ill be thinking about you tomorrow.

[ohnicole]

I'm so sorry that all the sad emotions are coming back for you. It isn't easy to think you are making progress toward moving on and then have it all come crashing back again. EDDs really are cruel.

It's not egotistical at all to feel sad when you hear of someone having their baby and getting to take them home right when you were supposed to do the same. It is heartbreaking, and whatever you feel is ok.

My EDD is coming up this month too. A friend of mine just posted on Facebook that she is pregnant and just entered the second trimester- a milestone I was only one week away from when we found out about our loss. It really made me sad. My first thought was that I had to post a congratulations note, even if I wasn't in the mood, because it was the right thing to do. And then I thought, 'I didn't get my baby, I should at least get to feel however I want to feel.' Sometimes it's healing to be a little selfish emotionally.

I really hope that soon you are able to move forward with TTC on Clomid and regaining your faith in the future. It is so hard to do. Hugs.

[KAB]

I'll say a prayer for you tomorrow

[EJsMommy]

Thank you. At least I made it to work today. Not that I wanted to but it is the right thing to do. I am going to call the doc today and I will KUP.

[Natalie_Snow]

It's not egotistical thinking. My relative just had a baby and i felt happy & sad...but then I realized that I shouldn't be sad because that was their baby... mine is gone and I have to accept it and the next one is still to come... I will always love and remember my first baby.

I'm so sorry. Today is 3 months since I lost my baby and i feel sad...

[~Lynda~]

big big hugs!!! i know how hard it is!!!!

[Jmcrican137]

Hugs hugs hugs... i'm feeling sad myself...

[BeccaM]

I am so sorry you are going through this. I will be thinking about you today. HUGS!

[EJsMommy]

Thank you again ladies. Knowing that I have so many of you in my corner warms my heart. I wish you were closer so that I could give each of a big hug for your support. I think we need one often.

[Celena]

No that is not egotistical of you to think... my very young SIL had my niece the exact day (July 30th) when I lost DH's & my 1st this summer (EDD 3/23/2010), I was so sad pissed frustrated and depressed. It seemed to add insult to injury with her birth. So ya, we know how ya feel honey it seems to be very common and go with our yucky territory.

I am so sorry for your difficulties Lovisa. I'm sorry that your EDD is today and the pain is heavy on your heart. There's no easy way to handle this day, the grief is overwhelming!!! Hang in there honey, I hope we can help get you thru these rough days Lovisa.

[EJsMommy]

Thank you again. Work was ok yesterday but then we went somewhere in the evening and there several pregnant ladies there. DH was my ride so I could not just tell him that I wanted to leave but boy was that uncomfortable. I know some of the ladies and I felt the hurt so I decided to better not say anything to say something I regret later. I am hoping for a better day today but we shall see.