[SkyBaby]

So much for pg symptoms. I'm not testing until i go 3 months between periods. My cycles are already 9 weeks long. What's another month?! When I went to see my OB a month ago, he seemed to think I have pcos and that yaz was just masking the symptoms and keeping what would normally be an abnormal cycle normal. I wish I never took yaz. Why did this happen just when we're trying? My luck is never good. Why do I keep getting my hopes up just to be disappointed over and over? The stress at my job isn't helping anything either. I find it weird that as soon as I start my job at kmart, my cycles got severely screwed up. We can't afford for me not to work. I hate my job, but I do it anyways because I have to. Yes I am letting this drag me down. I was never really dug out of my depression after the mc anyways. I got better, but never anywhere near 100%. Every bfn I get it's like it all comes back and puts salt in a wound that's still festering. Angel Baby's EDD is in less than a week. I was really needing to be pg by now, just for my own sanity. That's the only thing I think will make me better, is a nice bright bfp. I'm not holding my breath. I hate my body.

I just want to go to sleep and not wake up until April or May. Thanks for reading.

[Natalie_Snow]

I am soo sorry. {HUGS HUGS HUGS}. i understand what you mean, i used to work at kmart and i hated it too. I really really hope you get your BFP soon!

[~Lynda~]

i'm sorry hun!!!!

[Kary♥RN]

I am so sorry you are feeling this way.. {{HUGS}}

[martilynne]

I'm sorry

[mafiamom]

i am so so sorry what cd are you on? maybe it is just too early?

~hugs~

[SkyBaby]

Originally Posted by NaTusik

I am soo sorry. {HUGS HUGS HUGS}. i understand what you mean, i used to work at kmart and i hated it too. I really really hope you get your BFP soon!

I want a bfp soon just for own sanity. I hate feeling out of control.

Originally Posted by ~Lynda~

i'm sorry hun!!!!

Thanks.. could use hugs right about now.

Originally Posted by Kary♥RN

I am so sorry you are feeling this way.. {{HUGS}}

Thanks Kary.. I could use all the hugs I can get.

Originally Posted by martilynne

I'm sorry

I could use all the hugs I can get.

Originally Posted by mafiamom

i am so so sorry what cd are you on? maybe it is just too early?

~hugs~

I'm on CD 30 or so out of a 60-some-odd day cycle. I'm not holding my breath.

[Celena]

Kira!

Honey this is a struggle, you're still greiving and the upcoming EDD isn't making it any easier... but you WILL get thru this. You will gather up strength from deep down place inside of you and GET THRU THIS whether you get help from other to help lift you up or you do it entirely on your own. Life is certainly not easy and this devastating experience(s) that we've all gone thru has to be one of (or multiple) HARDEST times in our lives. There is a deep deep love and desire to have a baby that over powers those dark festering feelings... look to that light at the end of the tunnel, keep your eyes on the prize you're working towards.

As far as your cycles, I would go back in for sure or if this current doc isn't taking care of you the way you'd like... then I'd switch ot another doctor. Ask around at work, they have to have some other suggestions.

I'm again sorry for your cycle problems and the loathing of your job... look around, try transferring to a Sears since they're affiliated. I wish there were easy answers that I could help you with, but I do hope venting and expressing your feelings has helped in a small way at least. Know that we're here for you and we'll try to help you how we can if we can!

[SkyBaby]

Originally Posted by Celena

Kira!

Honey this is a struggle, you're still greiving and the upcoming EDD isn't making it any easier... but you WILL get thru this. You will gather up strength from deep down place inside of you and GET THRU THIS whether you get help from other to help lift you up or you do it entirely on your own. Life is certainly not easy and this devastating experience(s) that we've all gone thru has to be one of (or multiple) HARDEST times in our lives. There is a deep deep love and desire to have a baby that over powers those dark festering feelings... look to that light at the end of the tunnel, keep your eyes on the prize you're working towards.

As far as your cycles, I would go back in for sure or if this current doc isn't taking care of you the way you'd like... then I'd switch ot another doctor. Ask around at work, they have to have some other suggestions.

I'm again sorry for your cycle problems and the loathing of your job... look around, try transferring to a Sears since they're affiliated. I wish there were easy answers that I could help you with, but I do hope venting and expressing your feelings has helped in a small way at least. Know that we're here for you and we'll try to help you how we can if we can!

Thank you so much Celena.

Something really nice did happen today though. My husband got me a new camera for Christmas and I was just out driving around this morning in the country side and a hawk on a fence post let me get really close and I got some shots of him taking off. I also spotted some deer a short ways off the road and pulled over to shoot them too. God sure knows how to cheer me up. I'm feeling a bit better now.. typing it out helped hugely. I'm still feeling discouraged, but I can make it through tonight's shift.

I like my OB quite a bit actually. He just wants us to try naturally for 6 months or so and if we are not pregnant by summer time to go see him again for a full blood work up for me and SA for Anthony.

There are no other big stores in town. The only other option is fast food. That would make matters worse. Been there, done that and I hated every second of it worse than I hate Kmart. In my time of greatest need, I can't even go to church because I work every single weekend. I'm thinking of talking to the personnel manager in charge of scheduling about this, but she doesn't care about anyone other than herself. Anthony seems convinced they'll just fire me. I do have a good car, but I would not make much money commuting to and from a minimum wage job. The nearest Sears is an hour away.

Thanks so much Celena.. typing it out did help.

[Celena]

Good I'm glad it helped!

The red tailed hawk is my bird... usually when something big happens in my life I tend to come across that bird perched up high above everything taking it all in. Sometimes when I'm going over things and having to contemplate things I will come across the RTH circling above the sky and ironically when I've a fire under my arse I've even come across it zeroing in for a sky dive thru the field... yes, God is miraculous! Sends messages everyday, it's up to us to hear them

Perhaps if there was a better paying job you could commute, but I don't blame you for not bothering if the jobs aren't going to pay more to compesate for gas... not to mention what is the point if you'd break even? Keep looking, there is bound to be something out there, some time... keep your eyes peeled like a hawk

[SkyBaby]

Originally Posted by Celena

Good I'm glad it helped!

The red tailed hawk is my bird... usually when something big happens in my life I tend to come across that bird perched up high above everything taking it all in. Sometimes when I'm going over things and having to contemplate things I will come across the RTH circling above the sky and ironically when I've a fire under my arse I've even come across it zeroing in for a sky dive thru the field... yes, God is miraculous! Sends messages everyday, it's up to us to hear them

Perhaps if there was a better paying job you could commute, but I don't blame you for not bothering if the jobs aren't going to pay more to compesate for gas... not to mention what is the point if you'd break even? Keep looking, there is bound to be something out there, some time... keep your eyes peeled like a hawk

I've noticed the same thing. It's Red Tails and Kestrels and Eagles over here. There's a Red Tail that perches on power pole near my house. It's the same one every time. Sometimes the messages go right over my head. When I do hear them, they cheer me up.

No one wants to hire a 22 year old with no skills. That's my issue. I'm going to go to school to become a professional photographer. I've got the camera, now I'm just waiting for enough money to put me through school. It's a community school, so we can pretty much do it out of pocket. I can't go to school and work at the same time. That would be way too much for me.

[Celena]

community school?

we have a community college and FAFSA helps pay, it's worth looking into honey