[martilynne]

Sorry but this is just me ranting, I am up in the middle of the night balling with nobody to talk to. Mon 3/8 was the EDD for my first loss. Mon went by fine. I was surprised at how well it went besides the fact I had a killer hangover (I'm still waiting on AF so i'm not technically TTC yet) and I found out my favorite auntie has a spot on her brain . Well then comes tue...we had someone come and put new base boards in for us and we didn't have enough base boards bought/painted, no big deal he's coming back thursday to finish. Then I go to move my car back into the driveway...it won't start...I know it's not a dead batery because my radio turned on and the windows would roll down. Great, we are tight on $ right now and now there is something seriously wrong with my car. Then I try to get on to facebook on my iphone and it will not turn on, really?!?! I don't even know what to think right now. I am so pissed at life! On top of everything I was suppose to get a level 2 u/s tomorrow morning to see Lilly, but no now she is dead.

Yesterday at work a co-worker of DH told him that he thinks God is trying to tell us something. ***? What would he be trying to tell us? This is what we have been through the past 2 years...
3/29/08. We get married. Yay!
4/12/08. Kyle dx with brain tumor
4/15/08 Kyle's first brain surgery
7/15/08 unexpected BFP!!! 6 weeks preggo!
8/18/08 no heartbeat on sono
8/27/08 D&C- tests come back as partial molar pregnancy
10/17/08 lucky Kyle gets 2nd brain surgery
12/31/08 SIL anounces pregnancy at 4 weeks preggo (sucessful perfect pregnancy)
3/8/09 first EDD and a BFP!!!
4/8/09 m/c at 8 weeks...
11/9/09 I get fired for going to Kyle's grandmother's funeral
11/25/09 BFP!!!
2/9/10 Find out we're having a girl! but she has trisomy 18...
2/12/10 our baby girl Lilly dies...

I left out a lot of other bad things like close relatives dying and getting sick, if I would've included all of that I would be typing all night... Thank you if you actually read my rant, I don't even know who I can talk to anymore I am just so friggin depressed.

Oh Marti, I don't even know what to say Hugs hun. You have been through alot over the past two or so years. What strength you & DH have. I don't really understand when people say 'God is trying to tell you something'. But something that resonated better with me is what a gf said & that was 'we are only put in circumstances that we can handle'. At first when she said it to me, I thought WTH?! But after thinking about it, it is true. The tough times pass & we get through it, even if we don't think we can. I hope that doesn't sound condesnding in anyway, as that is not my intention. I'm glad that you can come to JM & find support, understanding etc.... I hope things get better for you & Kyle very soon. x

[dreamer10]

I am so sorry. I don't even have words for you. You have had it hard and you have every right to be mad at life. Go ahead and cry...let it out. No one here is going to say a thing except how much we are praying for you and bad we feel that there isn't anything we can do except say we love you and hope you are ok. Hang in there....

[Isabelle]

I just want to come over and give you a massive, big, tight hug.

I'm so sorry for you. Life sucks the big one at times and it's not fair. I always say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger and you are one very strong, wonderful woman. Stay strong and know it will be okay.

Again, big warm hugs coming your way.
Joanne
xxx

[ohnicole]

I'm so sorry for all the painful things you've been through, Marti. Hugs.

I wish that people who haven't been through it would just learn that it's better to say, "I'm sorry. What happened to you is really horrible." than to start spouting a bunch of crap. God is trying to tell you something????? Maybe God should tell him to shut his **** mouth. That is a completely rude comment.

I am sorry that life is throwing so much at you on a week when you are dealing with so many dates related to your losses. I can only imagine how much of a mess I am going to be on my EDD this month (I am already stressing about it). I can totally understand how after going through an EDD and ALL of those other things, you are feeling really down. Sometimes it is just too hard to be strong and make it through the day pretending that everything is ok. Sometimes you just have to cry.

I hope you can make it through the rest of this week without anything else bad happening and without any more insensitive comments. You certainly don't need anything else to add to your list. Hugs.

[mafiamom]

bless your heart. you really have had a horrible time of it and you deserve, actually need to take the time to let it all out. holding all that pain in would be very bad.

i so wish i could help make it better - i know there is nothing i can do or say to erase the pain of what you have been thru, but please know we are all here for you - really and truly. we will listen to you rant, give you a cyber shoulder to cry on, and cry right along with you.

you ARE strong - know that - in your heart as well as your mind. there are people who have cracked dealing with HALF the stuff you have had to shoulder.... you are still here, body mind and spirit - fighting hard to get thru and keep on. i am proud of and in awe of you~

[BeccaM]

Oh Marti. You and DH have been thru so much and I dont know what to say other than I am sorry and I hope things get better for you two. BIG HUGS!!

[martilynne]

Originally Posted by cricket909

I wish that people who haven't been through it would just learn that it's better to say, "I'm sorry. What happened to you is really horrible." than to start spouting a bunch of crap. God is trying to tell you something????? Maybe God should tell him to shut his **** mouth. That is a completely rude comment.

lol I couldn't have stated it better myself. Reading that made made my day a little better.

Thanks for reading my rant ladies. I just feel like it is our turn to be happy but then the world come crashing down again. What did we do to deserve this? When can we catch a break?

Today has been a little better so far. My dad came over this morning and got my car to start, yay! DH has the day off today and we are going to go out to lunch at McCormick and Schmick's at 1:00 and it happens to be right by the apple store so hopefully they can get my phone to turn back on.

[~Lynda~]

oh hun, you have been through so much stuff!!!! i am so sooo sorry!!! I have had three m/c's too, so i am very familiar with the heartache!!! big big hugs to you. and here's some better luck dust