Before you think of starting a family....

aitch · #1 March 10th, 2010, 04:42 PM

When we were deciding to TTC I read everything I could on the subject. There's all kinds of talk about why you want a baby, about whether your relationship is strong enough for a baby etc etc but nowhere does anyone talk about whether your relationship is strong enough for a miscarriage should the worst happen.

I just find it odd that it's not something that we're ever supposed to think about in the first place.

Isabelle · #2 March 10th, 2010, 06:19 PM

Super interesting.

#3 March 12th, 2010, 02:41 AM

I guess it is still a somewhat 'taboo' subject and pg is suppose to be all happy, happy, joy, joy (which it is for the most part). People who are looking to fall pg don't necessary want to read about m/c and unfortunate things that happen in pg, whilst giving birth etc....

I also think it also deals with so much more other than if your relationship can survive m/c, for exmaple it is about grief & grief is very personal & difficult to broach. In Australia (where I live) I have been fortunate enough to read a book by a foundation called the Bonnie Babes Foundation which talks about m/c, stillborn & SIDS. It was about peoples personal stories of loss and also talked about what the foundation does ie: counselling. This was very beneficial to me to help me process and work through my losses.

martilynne · #4 March 12th, 2010, 09:08 AM

That is a very interesting point. After our first loss our marriage almost fell apart, grief is a very difficult thing. Unfortunately we had two more losses after that but I think we learned how each other dealt with grief so they ended up making us closer.

Kary♥RN · #5 March 14th, 2010, 01:19 PM

This is a very good point to bring up... I know after each loss I became a different person. As did my DH, as did our marriage change.. I can't say 100% of the time... we were closer after the loss.. than as time went on... we grew apart.. only to come back after another loss........ But when were close... it was very good..... but when we were at our farthest apart... Our marriage was not so good.

KDD · #6 March 14th, 2010, 02:22 PM

I'm not sure what to say. Your spouse is your partner and you should be able to rely on each other no matter if times are good or bad. I don't think anyone starts the TTC process by saying to their partner "what will we do if we have a loss?". We all know that it can happen, that's why most people wait 3 months before telling anyone.