[SkyBaby]

Our cousin and his gf on DH's side just found out they're pregnant. They were preventing. Everyone is disappointed in them because they're not married or even have a place yet.

Here's the story:
We just had a family get-together in town with an Aunt and Uncle visiting from Nevada as well as DH's parents and his sister all at Starbucks. We were all chatting and our uncle says something about seeing a pregnancy ticker or something on our cousin's facebook. Everyone was surprised, but happy. The uncle mentioned how our cousin's parents are a bit disappointed in them not waiting for marriage and stuff. DH and I sat there stunned. Anthony recovers and rejoins in the conversation. I don't. I glare down at the floor. Someone else looks at me and says something like "Hey wasn't your baby's due date coming up?" I look up and just nod and try to put on a happy face. My MIL says something that she must have thought was funny, something like how she's glad she's not becoming a grandmother before her sister in law. I try to laugh and end up half sobbing. I had to get up and leave. My wonderful SIL gets up and walks me to my car and I go to pieces. I recover just in time to see them all leaving and walking back to their cars. I was relieved and lose it all over again on the way home.

I am unable to be happy for them. The EDD is pretty much here and I'm so bitter and angry and sad. It's like it happened just yesterday again. Every day gets worse. Lots of little stuff that didn't use to send me over the edge or even anywhere near the edge just a couple months ago makes me lose it again and again.

[ohnicole]

I'm so sorry. After a loss it is very hard to hear about anyone who is pg, let alone people who get pg without trying and without even wanting a baby. People just don't get how much it changes you to have a pg loss, and how much what they say can hurt. Your MIL's comment was very rude. I would have been very upset, too Hugs.

My aunt is about 20 weeks pg right now. This was also an 'oops' baby. She is 41 years old, already has 4 children (the youngest is 7), and they were preventing. All everyone talks about is how scared she must be because it will be so hard for her. My mom was telling a group of people about it, and all the comments were "She needs to get her tubes tied!" "She is just a baby machine." "What is she thinking?"

I can't ever participate in those conversations. I just look at my lap and stay silent. It's just hard. Nothing is the same anymore.

[missy123]

I am sorry; it must have hurt so much.

People just don't understand unless they have been through a loss. ((Hugs))

[SkyBaby]

Originally Posted by cricket909

I'm so sorry. After a loss it is very hard to hear about anyone who is pg, let alone people who get pg without trying and without even wanting a baby. People just don't get how much it changes you to have a pg loss, and how much what they say can hurt. Your MIL's comment was very rude. I would have been very upset, too Hugs.

My aunt is about 20 weeks pg right now. This was also an 'oops' baby. She is 41 years old, already has 4 children (the youngest is 7), and they were preventing. All everyone talks about is how scared she must be because it will be so hard for her. My mom was telling a group of people about it, and all the comments were "She needs to get her tubes tied!" "She is just a baby machine." "What is she thinking?"

I can't ever participate in those conversations. I just look at my lap and stay silent. It's just hard. Nothing is the same anymore.

I used to be able to be happy for other pregnant ladies. Now, not so much. I would never wish it on anyone, but to truly understand how it feels, people have to experience it themselves. I'm bitter about everything though, not just pregnancy and baby related stuff.

I wasn't participating in the conversation about our cousins unless someone addressed me directly.

Originally Posted by missy123

I am sorry; it must have hurt so much.

People just don't understand unless they have been through a loss. ((Hugs))

You're right, they don't understand. It was dumb of me to expect them to. I didn't think I would cry, but what was said afterwards pushed me way over the edge. If all that was said was "She's pregnant" then it was dropped and the conversation moved on to other stuff, then I may have been able to hold it together.

[martilynne]

I'm sorry you had to listen to that, people just don't understand how rude they are being. I know this is a terrible thing to say but I almost feel like everyone should have to go through a loss before they have a successful pregnancy. Then maybe people would begin to understand that how badly the thinks they say hurt us! I'm sorry, I'm just jealous that I will never be happy when I'm pregnant, just terrified...

[SkyBaby]

Originally Posted by martilynne

I'm sorry you had to listen to that, people just don't understand how rude they are being. I know this is a terrible thing to say but I almost feel like everyone should have to go through a loss before they have a successful pregnancy. Then maybe people would begin to understand that how badly the thinks they say hurt us! I'm sorry, I'm just jealous that I will never be happy when I'm pregnant, just terrified...

Wow I would be too after three losses, if there was any sane part to be afraid with.. I commend you for your strength. I'd be in a straight jacket. One is too much. I.. almost agree with you. I just wish people would use more sense about having sex, as in not doing it AT ALL if you don't want to get pregnant.

[KDD]

I'm so sorry. My ILs had a similar conversation about a cousin's baby in front of us just after our loss. I also had to leave. Sometimes people just don't think about how their actions can affect others.

Just offering my support too. So sorry for your loss and having to deal with crappy stuff like that. Hugs

[ldovey83]

I don't blame you.. I had my best friend making the worst comments to me and even my own mom made some hurtful comments that I had to pull myself together through.. HUGS hun...

[Isabelle]

I'm so sorry. I was almost in tears reading this. I'm so sorry for your loss. No one understands unless it's happened to them. No one.

Stay strong sweetie. Your BFP will come. It will. Huge cuddles and love.

xxx

[SkyBaby]

Originally Posted by KDD

I'm so sorry. My ILs had a similar conversation about a cousin's baby in front of us just after our loss. I also had to leave. Sometimes people just don't think about how their actions can affect others.

They knew I was still hurting, but didn't know how bad. Part of me was embarrassed. I hate crying in front of anyone. Usually I'm able to save it for just me and DH, but not this time.

Originally Posted by RhiChiChi

Just offering my support too. So sorry for your loss and having to deal with crappy stuff like that. Hugs

*hugs* I need all of those I can get.

Originally Posted by ldovey83

I don't blame you.. I had my best friend making the worst comments to me and even my own mom made some hurtful comments that I had to pull myself together through.. HUGS hun...

People think they're being comforting, but they just aren't.

Originally Posted by Isabelle

I'm so sorry. I was almost in tears reading this. I'm so sorry for your loss. No one understands unless it's happened to them. No one.

Stay strong sweetie. Your BFP will come. It will. Huge cuddles and love.

xxx

Yup I agree with you. People who haven't gone through it simply have no idea. My mom knows. She went through it twice. She's actually been very supportive of me and hasn't said anything rude. My dad gets it too. He just hugged me when I broke down when he came to see me the day of. I wish they lived in town. They're 2 hours away. I don't get to see them more than once a month because of my lame work schedule. I love my inlaws, they're great people. They just don't know how it feels. *hugs* Thanks so much..