[ohnicole]

Ladies, I need your help. I am looking for honest answers to the question: What would you do if you were in this situation?

I will give you the details (sorry if it's long)...

DH and I started TTC 11 months ago. We had our loss 6 months ago, and have been TTC ever since with whacky cycles and no other pg.

2 months ago my sister had a severe stroke. She has been in the hospital and rehab ever since, and I am temporarily back at home (DH and I live in another state) to help with her care. So far we have not been preventing when I take trips back home.

I thought I would be able to return home to DH and finish school (I am in graduate school) in May. I am becoming increasingly concerned that I will need to stay home longer to help my family care for my sister in the transition period from rehab facility to rehab facility to home care to outpatient therapy. Right now I am kind of feeling overwhelmed, but I can't imagine feeling comfortable enough that my family can handle my sister's care to return home in May.

My question is: Would you prevent or would you continue TTC?

Logically, I know I should prevent.... If I want to be available to help with my sister if needed, then being pg would really throw a wrench in things. It would essentially take me out of the picture.

Emotionally, I am finding it really hard to give up TTC. We have already wanted a baby for a year. DH is already 32. I was just dxed with a clotting disorder and will need to do Lovenox injections when I get a BFP, so there is no telling whether our next pg will be successful or whether our TTC journey will be lengthened by more losses. Plus, my cycles have not been regular since my loss (my shortest was 40 days) and my doctor recommended Clomid when I am back to living with DH.... so there is no telling whether we will also have to deal with secondary infertility.

What would you do?

Nicole,

Firstly I just want to say sorry for your loss and difficulty in TTC. In addition, I am sorry to hear of your sister being so unwell.

In relation to your question, if it were me I would continue to do what you are doing. When you do fall pg it will be at the right time regardless of what is going on in your life. Falling pg might cause a temporary shift in your family's way of looking after / rehabilitating your sister, but it won't be impossible for them. Situations have a way of being worked out.

In relation to being prescribed Clomid - it could go either way, you fall pg straight away as did my gf or be like me & just finished round 5 & no pg. If it is the later for you (I hope not), then I hate to say it, but you will be into your 17th month of TTC

Whatever you decide to do, best of luck to you & your family.

[Isabelle]

Big hugs to you for everything going on.

If this were me I'd continue to TTC.

[ldovey83]

I am sorry hun.. I know how you feel. I have been trying for over a yr and this is month 6 for me after my last loss so I totally know how you feel.. If I were in your shoes I would continue to try.. The clocks still a ticking and it isn't going to stop, and your family will understand.. You being there now shows them how much you care, and I am sure they would support you as well... HUGS hun..

[dreamer10]

I have to agree with the others. I think you are wonderful for helping with your sister and I can see how you feel obligated to continue. However, having said that I also think you need to not forget about yourself, about your and your dh's needs and your plans for a family. I would go ahead and keep on trying and let what comes come. Your sister will be looked after...but I wouldnt put my own life on hold for all of that...continue on with your life. Good luck with whatever you decide and I will be praying for you and your bfp soon!

[martilynne]

I personally think that you should continue to TTC.

[ohnicole]

Thank for your input ladies. I have been feeling like I am just going around in circles with this whole thing in my mind.

I am really feeling a lot of guilt whenever I think about continuing to TTC. I really thought I was just being selfish. It is nice to hear that other people understand, and would actually do the same. Honestly I thought I would get the opposite replies. I guess that says a lot about how high of a priority I make my own needs

I guess I am not fully decided, yet, but just knowing that others understand how hard it is to postpone TTCAL has relieved a some of my guilty feelings. Nothing is ever as easy as it should be, is it?