You would think...

EJsMommy · #1 March 15th, 2010, 05:38 AM

that after some months I would be over this emotional pain. Now I am the one that has close to tears thinking of my angel. My DH had shown the memory box that we keep in a room of our house to my mom (who is on a visit). I was not there but he told me about and I swallowed my tears. The next evening we talked about it and I teared up and let it out.
I know I need to deal with this but how? My DH said that I have not deal with the loss fully yet and need to get it out of my system. This hurt will never go away but it will become less of a hurt over time.
Others that do not know how it is to loose a child (born or unborn in a way) can step on your toes. My sister somehow manages to sometimes bulldoze over me like I was nothing with some of her inconsiderate comments (I don't think she really knows how that makes me feel). I am 37 and married and she treats me like a little girl sometimes. It does not help that I am currently unable to stand up for myself and say that it is enough. She is sensitive as well so I have to watch what I say.

dreamer10 · #2 March 15th, 2010, 06:02 AM

Everyone heals on their own timetable. Just cry when you need to, talk when you need to and don't feel as though it's wrong to be sad when thinking about your sweet boy. All of this is very normal. As to your sister...good luck with trying to get her to stop. You might need to just gently say something but make it a strong point so she will get it, but not get too hurt about you saying it. Her hurtful comments might not be helping out your healing process...and keep posting here. I know this forum has helped me in the healing process. These ladies are wonderful and they DO get it. They have all been there at one time or another.

.:Shortcake:. · #3 March 15th, 2010, 06:02 AM

Hugs. Maybe you should sit down with your sister and tell her how you feel? Try to help make her understand what your going through? I know that I still tear up different times and its been over a year since I lost my son. But I can tell you it feels good to talk about him. To acknowledge him.

ldovey83 · #4 March 15th, 2010, 08:55 AM

HUGS hun.... It has been almost a yr since I miscarried my first angel, and only 7 months since my second loss, and I still loose it.. Most of the time it happens when AF shows cause she just makes it all that much harder, and I am like you where I havn't gotten the guts to tell my friend that her comments hurt.. I just ignored her for a few days until I was ok again.. I wish you the best with trying to get your sister to understand.. LOTS AND LOTS OF HUGS TO YOU!!

EJsMommy · #5 March 15th, 2010, 09:20 AM

Thank you ladies. I have had periods in the past where people have stomped on me and I have taken it. Now I have sunk back to a little of darker spot and I know that I will never be the person I was before the loss so I just have to move forward. I am working on becoming stronger emotionally and it takes time. If I don't tell the people that make hurtful comments that they hurt to them. They may not know that it was not an ok comment to make and if I do not step up to the plate to say something the relationship with that person will not be the same as I am hurting without them knowing. KWIM? Thank you for being there for me.

Isabelle · #6 March 15th, 2010, 09:49 AM

Just wanted to send you some massive hugs.
xxx

EJsMommy · #7 March 15th, 2010, 01:14 PM

Thank You Joann. I love hugs...

Isabelle · #8 March 15th, 2010, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EJsMommy

Thank You Joann. I love hugs...

It's a nice big, warm, tight one. I love a tight hug and my boys give the best ones followed by a sloppy kiss. I'll not send you a sloppy kiss...I don't think you'd appreciate it

EJsMommy · #9 March 15th, 2010, 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Isabelle

It's a nice big, warm, tight one. I love a tight hug and my boys give the best ones followed by a sloppy kiss. I'll not send you a sloppy kiss...I don't think you'd appreciate it

I will pass on the sloppy kiss but would love that tight hug.

ma2b2010 · #10 March 15th, 2010, 06:16 PM

EJ - aw hun, *big hugs*... are you kidding? I found out that I had a blighted ovum at 8 weeks and had a D&C at 9 weeks... my world fell apart, and it took me 2 months to accept the loss and move on.. HOWEVER, I still think about it and it reduces me to tears.... so I can only imagine what it feels like to carry a child for more than 3 months! Please don't be so harsh on yourself. You lost your unborn child and it's as emotionally devastating as losing a close family member. bottling up your emotions will make it tougher for you move on. Cry if you need to!! *BIG HUGS*

EJsMommy · #11 March 15th, 2010, 07:07 PM

Thank you ma2b2010 for your words. I know I need to let it out sometimes it is easier said that done, kwim? My DH is very supportive and lets me know it is ok to be sad when needed. He has had spiritual conversations with our son from time to time. I am so happy that he has that connection with our angel. I would love to have that too but I need to walk in faith and believe that I can have that too.
I am working on not being harsh on myself but I have never in my life dealt with something to this magnitude before personally. None in my family that I know of has had this happen so for them it is hard to put themselves in my shoes. I will stop now and go to bed. More update later.

martilynne · #12 March 15th, 2010, 08:38 PM

I will always grieve over our little girl Lilly and our other two loss as well. I've been reading a really good book called Empty Cradle, Broken Heart: Surviving the Death of Your Baby it has really helped me a lot. It has helped me realize that it not only do we have to grieve over the loss of our bay we have to grieve the future that was taken away from us, and the memories that could have been.

EJsMommy · #13 March 16th, 2010, 05:36 AM

Marti, thank you. I think I have that book but my DH read it before me. I will find it and read it as well.

mafiamom · #14 March 16th, 2010, 08:34 AM

i am so sorry. this healing thing.... it is a mystery to me. how you can go weeks even months feeling ok and then BAM - back in the dark. and the darkness is all the blacker since you were sucked from the light.

the insensitive comments i am sure dont help your cause. i understand she is sensitive, but she isnt being sensitive to YOU. you need her to be a help, not someone you have to worry about saying something that makes it worse. talk to her. show her how she can help. i guarantee she doesnt realize she isnt helping the cause, and i am SURE she wants to be there for you. show her how.

huge hugs. i ache for you.

EJsMommy · #15 March 16th, 2010, 08:57 AM

Colleen, thank you. My sister has a superstition thing about not giving a name to the baby until it is born - which I did. She also told me another superstition regarding the unassembled crib parts. When she was at my house to help organize/clean she said that her superstition was that you would not have a crib put together if there is no baby to put in it. It is unassembled so what is the big deal. She has again never been through this and I will have to find a way to tell her not bring that up as it is driving me and DH crazy.

mafiamom · #16 March 16th, 2010, 09:26 AM

her superstitions tell me she is a very fearful person. she probably doesnt even realize how scared she is. this is her coping mechanism and how she feels some control over something where, truly - there IS none....

i think a talk is due. gl with it. be loving and kind and hopefully she will respond in kind. i will be thinking of you!