[Natalie_Snow]

I just got an email from her saying that she just found out I had a second loss. She briefly stated that she was sorry and then there was that super long letter explaining how stupid I am and that we got PG 3 months after the first loss. She said that any good professional doctor would have told me to wait at least 6 months. I was also supposed to go through extensive treatment.

Then she goes on to my diet. She wrote that if I do not stop being vegetarian (I am lacto-ovo meaning I still drink milk and eat free-range eggs), that I will never be able to be pregnant and that even if I do give birth to a child, he's going to be an ugly retarded baby. This person doesn't know anything about my diet and how healthy it is... She basically told me that i definitely caused my miscarriages. She gave me a vivid description of how ugly and mentally dysfunctional my children are going to be if I don't stop being a vegetarian.

now I am so mad at her I do not even want to write her back. What am I supposed to write her back?

[LisaG825]

I would tell your friend if she can't be supportive and stuff that you do not wish to speak to her. That is awful what she said. If it was me I would prob. write a msg that wouldn't be very nice at all.

[DukesMommy12]

Dont let her bother you, shes ignorant. I eat very healthy, Im not a vegan but I know plenty of mothers who became mother and still breast-fed while continuing their vegan diet. So she has no clue what shes talking about.

Also for her to be so insensitive and lecture you about your loss.. Grr I have a few things to say to her. Im definately mad at her for you. She has no right to tell you how to live your life.

As far as I know as long as you eat enough to sustain life any diet wont cause miscarriages.. So unless your pregorexic (which I doubt very much that you are) then she should be betteri nformed before attacking anyone.

Jeeze that makes me angry

[mafiamom]

first off, i am extremely confused as to what type of FRIEND would write something like that to you???? i would be totally piSSed as well and think she needs a lesson in sensitivity and consideration. who the heck talks like that to someone they care about? and this is coming from someone who totally speaks her mind!!

if she is concerned about your diet there are many other ways she can broach the subject with out coming across as just a down right jerk.

sorry, but that just made me mad (can you tell AF is here LOL!!!) i would call her - this email stuff - things get confused in the translation and there is nothing i abhor more then an email tiff. call her, and if you really are that good of friends you should be able to say, while you value her opinion, the delivery was very definitely lacking.

gl with that one !!

[Isabelle]

Totally time to de-friend her.

Who says that to someone, least of all to some one that is supposed to be a friend.

Good bye so-called-friend.

[Natalie_Snow]

Thank you ladies! i thought maybe I overreacted. I mean she really really really made me mad. Here I am trying to deal with my loss and trying to think about the next TTCAL...

She lives in Europe and i don't really know her new phone number. I am going to visit my parents this summer and I was going to meet her as well. She was my close friend during my years at the university..

She's always been very pushy and she made some comments of me being a vegetarian as something unhealthy...I went to her birthday party last year and she tried to make me eat chicken and pork. Well, according to her, all vegetarians are "stupid and their children are ugly and retarded". I've been skinny my whole life and slightly underweight. I gained some weight on purpose and my BMI index is in a normal range. I know vegetarians who have smart and healthy children.

i know she meant well, but, man, that was mean and rude! I don't even want to consider her my friend anymore...if she cannot respect my life choices, then I find it hard to remain her friend. i have two other good friends and they also mentioned I caused my second m/c but now waiting long enough... well, at least they were more supportive then she. She sounded like she was lecturing me. i want to remain friends with her just because of two of my other girlfriends (four of us usually meet together).

Lisa, i think that's what I need to write her. thank you!

[noworries]

Originally Posted by Isabelle

Totally time to de-friend her.

Who says that to someone, least of all to some one that is supposed to be a friend.

Good bye so-called-friend.

Ditto!

[♥Ashley♥]

This person is a friend? Wow, I do not have any friends in my life who would speak to me like that! Think of this as one of those "finding out who your real friends are" kind of moments, someone who would speak to you that way...about your losses, and telling you its your fault is definitely not a real friend.

Im sorry she said all those mean things though, but dont listen to her she is so wrong!

[HippyMomOf4]

I would for sure not be talking to her anymore if that were said to me, thats just totally uncalled for!

[Kary♥RN]

I give you credit for calling her a friend.... I would have wham bamed her in an e-mail back...... She is no friend, friends support you. And maybe she should look up information before spewing false information riddled with her own thoughts not back up by medical studies. She sounds like a mean spirited person... any one who call another person "ugly and retarted" has some issues of her own... I am so sorry you had to be on the recieveing end of her... HUGS

[*Maddie&Jacobs*Mommy*]

Oh my goodness! I got the deisre to write her an email after reading that!!!!

I give you a lot of credit for taking it better then I would have, lol

[EJsMommy]

Natalie, your friend as I can see has a few things to learn regarding tactics like how to broach the subject in a nice tone. She might have meant it to be nice in her eyes but the message was received and the result of it was anger. You may not want to take the route that she took regarding "attack" email but just let her know either via email or even better a letter stating that the email upset you and what else you feel but in a nice tone (I know that is easier said than done). Stooping to the low end with her opinion will not lead to a better spot. If she is much of a friend and you want to keep her friendship then she must understand that she is not entitled to treat anyone in any which way she would like. Just because she is used to state her opinion on things like diet and children does not give her the right to air it. {{{Hugs}}} Good Luck.

[dreamer10]

Wow...time for a new friend...or at least one less friend. You've got friends here and non of us would ever say something like that! Good grief. Could she be anymore politically incorrect? "Ugly and Retarded"? Rid yourself of that person forsure!

[*MomofO&Nat*]

Wow! Just, wow. I am floored after reading that. I can't even imagine someone being that insensitive, especially after you just had a loss. And to rail on your diet and say you caused this? Would she rather you ate fast food and coffee all day instead? Geez. I don't even think she deserves a response, but I know I could never just let it go without saying something. Cut her off. She needs to learn you can't say things to people like that and still keep them in your life. I'm sorry hon.

Oh, and just as a PS off topic, I LOVE your name and someday if I have a girl, that will be her name.

[ohnicole]

Whoa- that is totally uncalled for! What are you supposed to write back to that? Absolutely nothing! Comments that rude do not deserve a response, and people that insensitive do not deserve the title 'friend'.

I would get rid of this person from your life- she sounds like she is nothing but toxic and enjoys judging people and making them feel bad about themselves. There are some comments that people make after a m/c that are rude but you can see how they may have been said out of love. These are not those kind of comments. They are meant to make you feel bad.

I'm so sorry you even had to read an email that horrible- and I hope you never have to feel another moment of sadness or anger because of this person. Hugs.

[.:Shortcake:.]

I would not give her the satisfaction of sending anything back to her. I would ignore her. Does not sound like she is any kind of friend. Hugs!

[mmllhh]

Honey, she didn't mean well and she's not your friend. Even if she thought that you needed to wait 6 months, if she were your friend she would have supported you anyways. and to call your future children retarted is, well for the lack of a better politically correct word, is retarted.
I find that in difficult times, you really find out who your friends are and who arent.

[Natalie_Snow]

thank you all ladies. I let my DH read her email and he also thought that my "friend" was rude and ignorant. I have just found that she's not my close friend anymore.

I wrote her back saying thanks for her worrying about me but i also added that I think that a real friend accepts and loves us for who we are. I also added that if she wanted to lecture me about being a "unhealthy because I do not eat meat" then maybe she should research the topic...I've never pushed my believes on anyone and if she wishes to criticize me then she should at least have better arguments. the same is with waiting 6 months. My OBGYN told me to wait one normal period and TTC again then.

[~Lynda~]

you call that a friend?

[nutmeg116]

You are much stronger than I am! I would have told her straight where to go by now!