[DukesMommy12]

We've been ttc for 3 months.
(Which isnt a terrible amount of time)

But were both healthy, so I expected by now Id at least be in my first month.

So I think its time we start usking opks.
Because obviously were not doing something wrong.

His answer was
"Were young, we dont need OPKS. That for people like your mom who need them."

I was like honey, "IM NOT PREGO WE NEED THEM."

But he was determined not to use them.

So now Im a little pissed.
Because I feel like this really isnt as important to him.

He just wants to have sex on our normal pattern of
once a week or so. (or so meaning less than once a week)
and cross our fingers that ill get pregnant.

Its fustrating, he wants a baby.
But only his way.
Ive even asked him if we could try having sex more.
If we were having sex more than once a week
I wouldnt be so worried.
But were not, so its like I have to save up my one sex a week
for when Im ovulating.
And its hard to judge when the right time.

Im just very upset at him.
And he cant comprehend why.

Hun, huge hugs.
It's a difficult time ttc and when you aren't on the same page it's so much more difficult.

I do understand your frustration & I think OPK's are a great tool (for most people)

I guess from your DH POV - you are both young, healthy & he believes that falling pg will probably happen sooner rather than later. Unfortunately pin pointing O is sooooo hard even if you have all the 'right symptoms'. I don't want this to sound condesending to your DH, but does he understand there is only like a 48 hr window of opportunity to fall pg in the one cycle? I ask this b/c my DH was a little clueless - knew how not to fall pg & that was about it! We tried the have sex when we feel like it & try to time it when O was happening when trying to fall pg with # 1. In the end we had to have sex every second day and needless to say it worked & I fell pg.

I hope you guys can sort this issue out. Perhaps you need to talk about it & get his POV & then explain yours - best of luck x

[BeccaM]

Stephanie, Im sorry DH is making you angry... I had the same issue with mine when I first came off of BCP. After BCP I was all gung ho to try everything and BD every other day...etc... He was not... He feeling was we just needed to relax and not have the stress of TTC and it would happen and it did 6 months later. DH is also one to only BD on the weekends as he is too tired from work during the week. Anytime I would say something about making a baby during the week he would tell me that he felt I was putting him on the spot like he had to perform and he didnt want that... I could understand his feelings about it. TTC can be very stressful not only for us but for them too.

Now this time around since the loss he is all about trying more.. Ive ordered the OPK's and all and he knows when we get a + its time to BD... I think alot for him and I play alot into age.. He is 36 and I will be 36 in Nov.

I think you just really need to talk to him and find out his feelings on the whole issue. It may be something that is really stressful for him. And I know with mine the harder I push the more he back away.

I wish you the best with him... KUP on how its going.

[Kary♥RN]

Stephanie.. HUGS... You are coming off of a loss... you might be doing everything right and your body is not ready yet.. OPK's a good indication of when you are going to ovulate yes... but you are only two months past a loss... that is not a long time at all.. And fighting with DH isn't going to make things better.. only worse. You both need to be on the same page. You said you were young and healthy... Watch the signs of your body to gauge when you are gearing up to ovulate look the CM, the CP, and any pains in your side..... If he is not on board with using OPK's..... And try to see if maybe you can seduce him twice a week... and maybe in a week or two... try to get it up to three times... We as women have to sneaky sometimes.... but don't fight over it.. that is the last thing you need to be stressing over... HUGS

[Celena]

I'm sorry honey!!! Men are TOTALLY different creatures than us... so he might be hanging onto some worry and concern for you about having another loss so perhaps he's not keen on trying to make another baby just yet? Allot of men are that way, they won't say it, but ultimately they're afraid of their love of their life will get hurt again, depressed from the emotional pain & weak because of the physical pain. No man wants their wife suffering.

Have you both talked about the TTC journey? Men don't always want to hear the ins and outs of what our bodies do, what it takes to get pregnant and what we have to do to get there... it's sort of a turn off for them. At the same time allot of men just think because they don't protect sex we're supposed to just get pregnant that way and, well, unfortunately that is NOT how it works. While yes unprotected sex can get us there it takes the right timing.... If you want to to use OPK's then do so, explain to him it will help you understand your body more OR just buy them and use them. Just going to throw out there that asking him, adding factors like that (opk's, fertility monitors, etc) could make him feel pressured as well.

It's not just him either honey, my dh was like that for a while when we first started to TTC and so I stopped temping/charting because he just wanted to "let things happen" and well it took 15 cycles for us to even get pregnant. (some external factors prevented it) But after our first loss I went back at temp/chart with a vengence. Now, we have this thing that he is all into, the CBEFM (clear blue easy fertility monitor), he loved seeing the eggie in the window the other day and was asking how long it stayed that way, he was way into it. So funny.

Is he a "facts" type person? Maybe find some male version facts about TTC print them out and say "honey look what I found just surfing the internet" or " I just learned some new stuff about trying" or if that isn't a good way, leave them where he'll definitely see them so he can read them in his time without being pressured or embarassed to read it... which he shouldn't but he might be.

In any event it's difficult to feel like you're not both on the same page and getting there is important especially when you're trying to conceive because it can take allot longer if you're not... the stress of arguing, etc... isn't condusive. Try talking about it, see what he knows or what he feels about all of it you two might be able to get on the same page easier than you think... and what guy would complain about getting some sweet loving from his wife frequently?! Mine loves TTC ROFL!!!

Good luck honey, again I'm really sorry

[*MomofO&Nat*]

I'm so sorry this is such a hard time for you! I was thinking, I don't know if you chart at all, but that is something you could do on your own without DH's help to better understand when you are O'ing and better predict what days are best without OPKs (if he is still resistive to using them). We tried for 2 months after m/c and I started charting the third month on fertility friend using the free version of it. I found that understanding my cycle made it a lot easier to pick the right days. I was using OPKs too, but honestly the positive OPK perfectly matched the day I had a big temp change, so I kinda knew it was coming even without the OPK. That might be a first start too to helping DH understand just how hard it is to hit the right day if he sees your chart and you can explain to him the narrow window you have on paper versus just talking about it. Just a thought. I hope he comes around to using them, I think it would make you feel more confident about the TTC process. It did for me, and we did get pregnant the month I started charting and using the OPKs! Good luck!!

[ohnicole]

I'm sorry. It's so frustrating when you and DH aren't on the same page. A lot of times, when I want DH to come around to my point of view on a topic, I will have a conversation with him, where I'll say, "You don't need to say anything here, I just want to tell you some things I've been worrying about, then you can think about it for a few days before we talk about it again." Nine times out of ten, giving him that time and space to think makes it so much easier for us to talk about things and come to a decision.

And I totally agree with the other ladies about guys really feeling the pressure of TTC and also feeling the worry of us getting hurt. So maybe if you approach it like you will monitor your cycles on your own without getting him involved, and then all he has to do is be willing to DTD more often?

It's tough. I hope you guys can come to a compromise soon. It's no fun to be fighting with DH

[KAB]

I agree with all of the other ladies. I'm sorry that you're having a hard time with DH, mine was the same way. We've been ttc for over 3 yrs now and DH doesn't want to seek fertility treatments or anything because he thinks that if it's meant to be then it will happen on it's own. He also just wants to relax and let it happen naturally. I do all of the opk's and other fertility things on my own, because I think it just puts too much stress on him and takes the mood away. When I know it's time, I just do my thing with him and he has no clue that it's that time of the month. I know that DH wants a baby just as badly as I do, but they just handle things different.

[EVY&EGYsMommy]

I am really sorry he is not on the same page as you. That is rough. And as far as frequency...yeah once a week isn't gonna cut it! Maybe you can have a calm conversation with him and at least start with frequency...it needs to go up. You have done the research...you know.

TTC is so hard...especially after loss. But it is so much easier when you have DH on board. I would try to ease in some CALM conversations about thinga and try to COMPROMISE. You want OPKs...he doesn't. OK fine..then at least increase BDing more often. And if you can chart or even just track you cycles on FF or mymonthlycycles you should be able to come up with an idea of the week you may I and then try to BD every other day that week? Just a thought...

(((HUGS))) I hope you can get him to compromise somewhere.

Katie