[ashley1711]

I am new here but I had no idea's on where to turn. I posted in another section and they recomended that I post here. I was told 9 years ago that I would never get pregnant and if I did I would never carry full term. So 4 years ago when I found out I was pregnant we were thrilled. I keeped it hidden untill I thought it was "safe" to tell him and family. A week latter I lost my first child. I was heartbroken but I was able to move forward. We have now been trying to concive for the last 3 years now. I know it will happen one day but it's so hard to keep the faith. I recently got the great news that we were pregnant. I had to come back up north to be here for my baby sisters wedding, so we were going to tell his family and our friends when I got back down there. Before I could even enjoy the great news something horible happened. My 19 year old sister was leaving the parking lot and stoped to let me get in the car, as I was rounding the back of the car, she put it into reverse and backed up. She manged to hit me with the car! Not only did it take the wind out of me and hurt my leg but 2 days latter I started to bleed. I was only 8 weeks but that was still my child that I lost. I feel so alone. Our friends and family didn't even know that I was pregnant so they don't understand what I'm feeling and going through. I just don't know what to do. I don't want to blame my sister but I can't help but feel like if she wouldn't have hit me then maybe I would still have my child. I'm sure it's not right to feel this way but I just can't move past it. To make matters worse our "mother" knew that I was pregnant and knows that I lost the baby and she just thinks the whole thing is funny. Like it's just some big joke. I wish there was somthing I could do. I wish I could get my family to understand. Not only did I lose my child but latter that day that I started to bleed and I told my family my youngest sister (the one that just got married a week ago) tells me that SHE'S pregnant and it's ok that I lost my child because she is still pregnant. So I need to "get over it, it's not a big deal. I need to worry about her because she is pregnant." Why does it seem like everyone can get pregnant with no problems and all I can't concive and when I do I loose my child? I can't help but feel like a failure, like there is something wrong with me. Thank you all for letting me vent. I just needed to know that someone out there knew and understood my loss.
Blessed be,
Ashley

Yes my husband is being very understanding and supportive about all of this. I know this is hurting him as well. The hardest part about it all is that we now live in Florida, and my family is in Michigan. So when I came up for the wedding last week he was unable to get the time off work so I had to come alone. So I am unable to see him for two more weeks. That is part of what is making all of this so hard. Not having him here to hold me and wipe away my tears. He understands that even though we were never able to hold or see our child that it was a real child. Even more important that it was OUR child that we had hopes and dreams for. He wants to be a dad more than anything. Every month that AF comes it hurts him just as much as it does me.

[missy123]

Ashley,

I am so sorry for the loss of your babies. It is so hard and painful and sad.... Your family sounds just down right horrible to not even show you the smallest amount of support.

Give yourself time to cry, time to get mad, time to hurt, and time to heal. Is your husband giving you any support at all?

We are here for you and we understand.

[Natalie_Snow]

Ashley, I am so sorry for your losses and I am so sorry that your family doesn't understand you... but some people just cannot understand that even though the babies were unborn, you have already loved them...you miss them with all your heart...My relatives also want me to move on and get over it..and they want me to do it fast! Even my husband thinks I should get over it and forget... This is why i come here, the ladies on this board are great and very supportive.

{HUGS} Crying helps a lot too! i understand how you feel and I am soo sorry!

[dreamer10]

Ashley...I am so sorry for those lost babies. That alone is horrible...but to add to it the insensitivity of the family (and may I say selfish?)...You have been through a lot. Go ahead and vent, cry, yell, scream and whatever you feel like. You need to. Please keep posting here...these ladies are wonderful and they can really help with the healing process. I also have found some comfort over on the recurrent miscarriage and pregnancy loss board. Those are also some wonderful ladies. Keep your chin up and remember that we are all here for you!

[Celena]

Ashley how horrible! I'm so sorry for your loss and the fact your family isn't being supportive at all... they just won't understand if it happened to them, so don't expect them to totally understand. BUT, they could show some sort of support even tho they don't entirely understand the pain and suffering you're going thru right now. I mean we depend on our families when tragic things happen. However, I'm glad you've come here and found TTCAL, we'll be the support you need that understands and have gone thru similar things.

As much as your sister has hurt you emotionally, depending on how she hit you you have so much cushion that the baby would have been fine... I've done allot of reading and have come across lots of info and that happened to be one of them. That things like sex, hard falls or a few other things wouldn't harm an early pregnancy. I can try to find the information again for you.

Right now everything is going to run thru your head as you're ruled by devestating emotions right now, you've just gone thru what I'd have to say is the hardest thing a lady could ever go thru. BUT, you've come to the right place and there are so many supportive wonderful and helpful ladies here!

Oh and I'd like to mention that the Pregnancy Loss & TTCAL Info Spot subforum up top has a ton of emotional supportive, informative letters, articles that I think might help you right now. I've found them helpful and had to share them with others here as well.

Pregnancy Loss & TTCAL Info Spot - JustMommies Message Boards

Again, welcome, Ashley and hugs to you! I'm so sorry

[KAB]

I'm so very sorry for your loss, and that your family is not supporting you in the way they should be. I also encourage you to stick around here and the pregnancy loss board, it is a great help and all the ladies are so nice.

[Isabelle]

So sorry. Your family sounds just awful and the fact that your mother "though it funny". I'd disown my family if they acted and said such things to me.

Tremendous hugs.

[~Lynda~]

hugs to you!!! i'm so sorry for your losses!!! what was the reason the dr's told you that you could not get pregnant and if you did, you would not carry to term?

hugs again!!!

[martilynne]

I am so sorry for your losses. I can't believe the way your family is treating you! How would your sister feel if the shoe was on the other foot and you were to say that to her? Some people are so inconsiderate, that comment made me cry and I was just reading it on the internet. I am so sorry you are going through this without the support of your family.

[ldovey83]

Hi hun.. I am so sorry to hear about your losses and even more sorry to hear about the way your family is treating you.. I am sorry that they don't care or have any sympathy towards how you are feeling right now.. Sometimes it is really hard for people to k now what you are going through and know how you feel, and they say things that they might think aren't hurtful but to someone who has lost it is very hurtful... I am glad that you came here.. This group is great group of ladies.. They have been great to me.. I hope that you come around more often as you heal. Feel free to vent to us anytime. That is what we are all here for.. For support for eachother.. I wish I could give you a BIG HUG.. I hope cyber hugs are just as good.. Hang in there hun..

[ohnicole]

Hugs. I am so sorry for your losses. The way your family is treating you is just horrible. It is true that sometimes people can't understand how hard it is to lose a pg, but it is also true that some comments and some behaviors are just plain unacceptable. You must be very strong to deal with such insensitivity. I hope that the ladies on this board can be a source of support for you.

[mafiamom]

oh my gosh, my heart breaks for you. losses are just so devestating and i can understand your trauma at the timing and circumstances of this last one. HUGE HUGS~

celena was right about the padding and early pregnancy. there is soooo much protection there and the bean is soooo teeny tiny..... but - either way it hurts and hurts BAD

and i hate that your support system is so not supportive. to think a baby loss is funny is just unexcusable, and for your sister to say not to be sad b/c SHE is still pregnant.... well, that IMO is unexcusable too. i wish your family would rally around you a bit more. i am glad your dh is there for you.

huge huge hugs. we are here for you - vent cry scream - we CAN handle it! (heck, we've DONE it! )