I'm just going to come out and vent, moan, cry... (other ppl pg ment) finished

Celena · #1 March 27th, 2010, 12:24 PM

So as all of you know I've been mourning my angel's, her/his EDD was the 23rd. Well a friend's EDD was the same day, she went on to deliver on the 25th... I kept getting email updates and it was very hard to read about as much as I am happy for her (them) it's just hard, period! Well I find out yesterday that there was minor odd complications... the baby's cord looked "frayed" and when she came out was limp. However, baby is doing fine minutes after it was just scary for them. I felt so bad... I felt bad for being sad in the first place which I know is stupid because they are MY emotions about MY baby that I lost.... totally valid, but at the same time asked God to forgive me...

I have to finish this later, need to get ready for work...

~~~~~FINISHING UP 11:40pm Saturday~~~~~~~~

I'm sorry to have chopped this up, looked at the clock and had 20 minutes to get to work and my chef's coats still weren't dry

Ok, so, when I ask God to forgive me... I ask because I don't want to somehow because I'm sad about our loss didn't want anything horrible to happen to them! Totally irrational I know, but it's just one of those things... not even sure I typed that out right how I mean it. I'm just sad, my emotions have been so crazy this week and I'm about to drive myself insane already.

Also...

Had this dream a while back about a lady, her husband works with my husband at the tattoo shop. So in this very brief dream, I dreamt she told me she was pg... and guess what she found out this week? Yep, you guessed it... she's pg. I cried when DH told me, actually I walked out of the room and cried by myself so he wouldn't hear or see me.

Right now, I'm "ok" but I don't know what I'm going to feel like tomorrow... will I wake up an emotional mess, crying at the drop of a hat? or will I wake up and have a decent day, able to laugh and joke around? Sounds like 2 totally different people huh? My night and day, the ying-yang. No I'm not gemini either.

........\\

You all have no idea how much you each mean to me, thank you, thank you for listening, reading, writing, sharing, caring, compassion, support & so much more! Thank you, each and every one of you BEAUtiful ladies!!!

mommie2many · #2 March 27th, 2010, 01:49 PM

I know how hard it is. (((Hugs))) Im glad her baby was fine.

Natalie_Snow · #3 March 27th, 2010, 02:54 PM

i understand how hard it is for you

JesSsica · #4 March 27th, 2010, 04:54 PM

I'm so sorry.

One of the doctor's at work's wife was pregnant and due only 3 weeks ahead of me. She ended up giving birth 6 weeks early and she has a beautiful, tiny little baby boy. It was so hard to look at the pictures and be happy for them. On one hand I am so happy for them because they really struggled with infertility, but on the other hand I'm so sad for myself. I'll always think of my baby when I look at him.

It's so normal. There will always be reminders. I'm so sorry you're sad...

*Maddie&Jacobs*Mommy* · #5 March 27th, 2010, 06:20 PM

I'm sure it's hard for you! Don't beat yourself up for feeling sad, it's completely fine and normal!!!

zkat · #6 March 27th, 2010, 06:50 PM

Celena - it's OK. That is why we are here, because you can't tell anyone in the real world that a beautiful miracle makes you sad. no one gets it except us.

Love you!

Kat.

j&jmom · #7 March 27th, 2010, 08:28 PM

I completely understand how you feel . . . I feel horrible that my friend is pg and due the same month I was supposed to be due. I honesty would hate if one of her many complications ended in a loss of her baby, but at the same time I am so sad when she talks about ultrasounds and feeling her baby move. It seems like everyone I know is pg right now except me and it is just really hard to think about. HUGS!!!

ldovey83 · #8 March 27th, 2010, 08:37 PM

I totally understand how you feel.. I j ust wrote about the same thing or similar to it yesterday.. LOL!! I'm glad the baby was fine.. HUGS hun.. Hang in there.. I know it isn't easy. My true test will be tomorrow when My neighbor comes home from the hospital and I see the baby... HUGS Celena..

SkyBaby · #9 March 27th, 2010, 08:47 PM

Celena we all get how you feel. It is completely valid for you to miss your baby. I miss mine too. My Angel was due somewhere around the 20th. It's tough, with all the pregnant people at my job. I find things are getting easier, as time moves on.

We all love you Celena. I hope to hear news of a sticky bean from you and everyone else here soon.

Celena · #10 March 27th, 2010, 09:02 PM

Love

you too!

ohnicole · #11 March 27th, 2010, 09:11 PM

Awww, Celena... try not to beat yourself up about feeling the emotions that you need to feel. As everyone else has said, we have all been in that place. Sometimes you just have to miss your angel.

A family friend who was due the week after I was just had her twins. My mom was telling me about how sad it was because the second baby was born with the cord around his neck and he didn't cry for a few minutes, and how scared they were. I feel awful for thinking 'Well they got 2 live babies, I don't have to feel bad for their few minutes of fear.' But it is what I thought.

Even as I'm telling you not to beat yourself up about your feelings, I'm beating myself up about mine. We really are all in this together. I hope you start feeling more like yourself soon. Hugs.

KAB · #12 March 27th, 2010, 09:21 PM

I understand how you feel. I'm hoping you'll get a bfp and to hold your precious baby in your arms in the near future.

LisaG825 · #13 March 27th, 2010, 10:32 PM

I know exactly how you are feeling. I am so sorry that you are going through all this right now. I wish there was a way for all of us to take away this pain.

dreamer10 · #14 March 27th, 2010, 10:49 PM

Celena...I have not been on this board too long but I have to say that as a co host and a person you are amazing. You are supportive of the other women when they get their bfp's, you uplift the women as they go on their journey to ttcal, you just do a great job. You are amazing. I am glad there are people out there like you who truly care about others. You are more than welcome to cry, to vent and to share. Life is just hard sometimes and everyone needs to feel like they have a safe place to be themselves. Especially women...we just need that.

It's been fun getting to know you and I hope your day tomorrow is a good one. But if not...let us know...maybe we can be the ones to uplift for a while... K?

zkat · #15 March 28th, 2010, 05:29 AM

We love you to Celena.

PS - Can you please dream about me telling you I am pregnant soon? That would be great - thanks!

PPS - for those that are new - Pretty much every time she dreams about someone being pregnant, it is right!

BeccaM · #16 March 28th, 2010, 05:56 AM

I understand how you feel and Im sorry you have to go thru all this. I wish we all could have our pain taken away. We are here for you just as you are always here for us.

mafiamom · #17 March 28th, 2010, 06:54 AM

It IS so very hard. your feelings are totally valid and completely normal. you know ths of course, but it never hurts to hear it again! watching other women live out the dreams we all so badly want...... well, how could it NOT hurt? ~hugs~

my niece and i found out we were pregnant at the same time. we were so excited to be able to go thru it together. she was due 2 weeks before me. i lost my baby. she is buying baby, clothes, finding out what she is having ( a boy) and filling out her maternity clothes. every single time i see her i think *I* should be doing that!!!!! i am happy for her, but that doesnt mean i am not sad for me.....

life stinks sometimes. we come here to help make it smell better