I'm out for this month

mommy x 10 · #1 April 3rd, 2010, 08:31 AM

Af showed full force yesterday. I'm so conflicted now if we should wait. I'm in nursing school and if I get pregnant any time now, I'll be delivering either right before I start my last semester or while I'm in my last semester of nursing school. There are lots of clinical hours that semester and long shifts. I'm pretty sure they would work with me within reason. If I understand correctly, you pretty much have to get with each dept that you're supposed to work in and set up you own schedule with them, so I'd have a little flexibility. So it would seem like a good idea to wait and I know this in my head. But my heart wants me to be pregnant again months ago! When my doc said they recommended I wait 3 mos before ttc, I thought that was an eternity and here I am 5 mos since my loss and not pregnant and my EDD is quickly approaching in May. I really wanted to be pregnant before my EDD. We've already decided to leave it in God's hands and just keep doing what we're doing. I chart and temp and we try to bd when I should be fertile. I keep trying to remind myself that God knows when the time is best for us to have another. It's just so hard and then to go somewhere and see so many pregnant bellies. And I try to prepare myself for the BFN and tell myself the reasons that make senese to wait but it doesn't help much. And now I have to get myself back to a happy spot to get ready for my dd's birthday this Sunday. The hardest thing is learning to live with the hurt that will always be there. It will back off and be in the back of my heart and I enjoy moments but it's always there and in a moment will jump back in front..

EVY&EGYsMommy · #2 April 3rd, 2010, 01:52 PM

Man I'm so sorry

I've been thinking of you!! I hope you catch that eggie..

Maybe just NTNP for the next few cycles and see what happens?? I know its hard to *pause* TTC because of future plans isn't it??

Katie