IDK what to say when people ask me about children

Natalie_Snow · #1 April 9th, 2010, 06:45 AM

I've had two miscarriages and I have never told my relatives about them. How to tell family i was pregnant? (every time I was about to tell them the happy news, m/c happened) IDK if that's even a good idea. I just do not know how to react when people ask me if we plan on having children soon ..they kinda hint that we've been married for 4 years and it's time to thnk about kids....well, they don't know we've been trying for over a year and we've already had two losses. Such questions make me want to cry and i do not have enough strength in me to tell them about my m/c (I' def start crying then...I hate crying in front of people)
Have you told anyone about your m/c if they did not know about your pregnancy?

Isabelle · #2 April 9th, 2010, 07:39 AM

Hugs Natalie.

I don't have any advice other than just do what you feel is in your heart and what you think is best.

You could reply with just a standard "we're having fun trying" or "we shall see". It gives an answer without really giving an answer.

As for your losses. I think it's such a personal decision and only you know if you should or how you should tell.

Best of luck sweets.

Kary♥RN · #3 April 9th, 2010, 10:28 AM

Natalie HUGS....

It is a hard place to be in. My mom took care of passing the news to the imdiate family. As for other people... I did get to the point, Of I would tell them the truth. I have had already had to losses... and leave it thier. Most people won't ask nor question past that. And It seems to stop the questions. And than this way... If I was to get pregnant again.. I figured when I told them.. They would all know that m/c at this point could happen again.. and it did a third time.. and now we sit here, while people ask how I am doing you can see in their face they are waiting for the bad news... So that is a down fall.

mommie2many · #4 April 9th, 2010, 01:04 PM

Before my 1st m/c we told ppl I was pg, I had never had a m/c before and to be honset the thought never crossed my mind. 1 week after telling Dhs mom I had a m/c. In Aug when I found out I was again pg we didnt tell anyone, I wanted to wait untill we knew everything would be fine. Sadly I had another m/c. I did tell me bff I was pg.The only person who figured out I was pg was Dhs mom. When I had m/c dhs mom went and told everyone I had m/c.

DukesMommy12 · #5 April 9th, 2010, 01:19 PM

Honestly, I talk about it like its common knowledge. If someone brings up the fact that I havnt gotten pregnant yet. I tell them "Oh but I was twice, I lost them both." And then I usually walk away because I dont like to cry in front of people, and bringing up my two angels usually makes me cry.

Augie · #6 April 10th, 2010, 06:24 AM

We hid it from his family for a while...but it got to the point I just couldn't do it anymore. I made a comment about feeling down on FB and when MIL asked me I told her point blank. I'm missing my babies. She was really ok with the fact that it took us three years (from the first m.c) to tell her. She said she had found out about the first two but figured we just weren't ready to talk about it.

On another note, we told my family about the losses after they happened. (Like you we were planning on telling them and then the m/c happened.) My mom was hurt that she didn't get a chance to be happy for us before we told lost the baby(ies).

I think it just depends on the person. Last Christmas I had a family friend (who I hadn't seen in 10 or so years) ask me when we were going to try and, considering Christmas is hard enough, I replied with "we've been trying for almost three years and have three (at the time) babies in Heaven." It's blunt but it sure stops the questions!

mlyster · #7 April 10th, 2010, 07:21 AM

Natalie,
I was in the same boat as you about a 10 months ago. My immediate family knew about #1 but NO ONE knew about #2. It suddenly started bothering me that no one knew about my babies. At the time I was keeping a blog (still am actually) and one days something just made me open up on the blog about what we were going through. I know not all my family or all my friends read it but the reaction I got from people I didn't know read my blog was surprising. Most people were very supporting, many had their own stories of loss or infertility and then some were ignorant. I expected the ignorant but I didn't expect it from the people it came from. I found it much easier to write it down and let people find out on their own, have their reaction and then call/write if they wanted to. I think it would have been MUCH harder to talk about it face-to-face. I was a mess as I was hitting the post button and a mess in the hours that followed. It was HARD to let my secret be out there for the world. But unfortunately I miscarried a 3rd and 4th time. Each time I posted about it fairly quickly and it really helped the healing.

I am telling you all of this to let you know that it will be hard if/when you decide to open up about it but it will help you with your process. If you need anything (or want to read the specific blog posts) feel free to PM me. This is a tough tough journey we are on and the best thing I learned after telling my story was that people didn't look at me differently, people did treat me differently, and people appreciated that I was willing to talk.