I'm just obsessed and I should just relax... xposted

~*sierra*~ · #1 April 15th, 2010, 05:20 AM

Don't u just love unsolicited advice about how you should be feeling emotionally regarding TTC???????????!!!!! omg i'm just furious with my SIL, she literally just blurted out to me that I seem totally obsessed and that my stressing out is most likely why I am having m/c's, and that she's discussed it with my step-MIL and she agrees. WTH!!!!!????? Oh yeah and they say that I should just 'relax and let it happen when it's going to happen'....I feel like screaming at them, because neither of them know how a miscarriage makes you feel, let alone two in a row, if they did they wouldnt be gossiping about me like that in the first place. I know this stems from the fact that I showed SIL the positive digi that i got on the weekend, cause she looked at it all skeptical at the time, well excuse me for getting excited about that!! i dunno, i feel like its only natural to be excited when you see that, maybe excited and nervous in my case, but still excited to a point.

Honestly, i'm supposed to hang out with SIL tonight, but i just do not even feel like it.....i think i'm just going to avoid her calls......

EJsMommy · #2 April 15th, 2010, 06:14 AM

Even intended to be well meaning comments it can be hurtful. I am sorry that your SIL and Step-MIL "blamed" your m/c on you being "obessed". For those that do not know how it makes you feel and hurt inside after a m/c should really think of their choice of words before saying it. Easier said than done.
Even closer family members can say things that hurts that is not meant to hurt but still does.
I would not avoid the calls but be honest about how your SIL comments hurt you when you talk to her. Perhaps not see her for a little until this has simmered down.
I hope you can move on from those comments. Massive Hugs from your JM TTCAL friend in an attempt to make you feel just a little bit better.

dreamer10 · #3 April 15th, 2010, 06:41 AM

Ugh...they just don't get it....and they don't understand that ther are so many reasons that we can miscarry...and only the docs can tell us why. We may obsess...but its all good and I have no belief that it causes miscarriage. Hang in there and when you need to hang with folks that get it just come here...

Isabelle · #4 April 15th, 2010, 07:10 AM

I would have screamed at her. And ripped her head off.

Sorry you have to deal with her. I would not be hanging out with her tonight.

Hugs sweetie.
xxx

mmllhh · #5 April 15th, 2010, 07:26 AM

I would just not hang out with her and tell no one of your TTC efforts. It's none of their business, they were privelaged to be involved before. But they lost that privelage. Next PG, wait until you are like 4 months preg. and then tell them.

*~Candy~* · #6 April 15th, 2010, 08:53 AM

What?!!? I CANNOT STAND THE WHOLE "relax and it will happen" okay so like it's just going to happen once I 'relax' that is ridiculous! I am so sorry that they made you feel so bad

they have NO IDEA how hard M/C is let alone TTC and the stress of it all. Massive hugs, unless they have walked in your shoes they need to keep their mouths shut and quit being so insensitive!

Isabelle · #7 April 15th, 2010, 09:04 AM

Same here Candy. If there's one thing I HATE it's the whole "just relax and it will happen". Are you kidding me? Shut the FLIP UP.
People have no idea what they are talking about. Grrrrr.

mmllhh · #8 April 15th, 2010, 09:06 AM

I hate the "well if it's meant to be"

Really, So, what you are telling me is that maybe God doesnt' think I'm meant to be a mother???? Really?????

Or My all time favorite

4 of my 5 losses, were super early, and i actually have had this said to me on more than one occasion..... "well, it was early so its not like it should bother you much"

~*sierra*~ · #9 April 15th, 2010, 10:30 AM

mmllhh, i KNOW my SIL is thinking this about my most recent loss too. that it was "just like getting AF since i was only like 3 or 4 days late, so what's the big deal". i bet if i end up having to see her tonight or this weekend she will say something like that. i've so had it, and dh and i decided this morning that we wont be telling anyone about our TTC journey. even though i feel that m/c's should be talked about and it shouldnt be hidden so much like it is now, i just cannot handle that people THINK they know how i'm feeling, it is just way too irritating. i like the idea of waiting till i'm 4 months along to tell anyone, i think that would be reasonable after all these losses anyways.....so much less bother too.

mmllhh · #10 April 15th, 2010, 11:13 AM

Sierra, you shoudl talk about your ttc journey, just do it here, where no one judges.

dreamer10 · #11 April 15th, 2010, 11:17 AM

I agree....keep talking...just do it in the right places. This is the only place we talk about it. Everyone in my life likes to put their two cents worth in on why we shouldnt even be trying, or we are selfish for wanting another baby...etc. I have stopped talking to anyone except the ladies here on JM. That's why I love it here!