[LisaG825]

I am thinking way too hard about some things. I keep smacking myself in the head trying to figure out what the hell is going on with my body. I don't think it is helping though, but I keep on doing it. I feel like I just keep going in this vicious circle that is never ending. I have no idea what do. Monday is so darn far away to get my bw done. I won't even know anything til Tuesday. Part of me wants to just go to the hospital and have it done right there so I will know my beta. I have been cramping today so not sure if AF is going to show. If my stupid number is rising b/c of the molar that could also explain why I am not getting my period. Maybe my number is even higher now or maybe I could actually be pg again. Who knows. If I have another rise and it doubles like it is supposed to I don't know what I should do about the chemo. I don't want to risk anything if there is a chance that it could be a new pg. with the chemo. My appt. with the dr. isn't until after my chemo though.

On another note if it is increasing does that mean the molar is growing back. I don't want it to grow back. I am tired of it and want it to go away so I can move on with my life.

I am stinking frustrated b/c I want this stupid IUD out. I am going to tell them to take it out next Wed. I feel like an insane person right now. If I could rip the darn thing out myself I would.

Dh kept asking me what my problem is and I told him I am just stressed and he should know why. He just doesn't have a clue about how insane this is making me. Too much longer and I may need to go to a mental institution or something because I am physically and emotionally tired of it. Having to deal with stinking health risks just b/c of a m/c 17 weeks later is insane.


Sorry ladies. If you made it to here thank you so much for reading this. I just needed to vent a little. Now I think I may try and go to bed even though it is not even 8 pm here. I doubt I will fall asleep right away though. Last night I didn't fall asleep til about 1 am.

[tobi4]

Hugs Lisa, I hope you get all the answers you are looking for soon. You are always in my thoughts and prayers hun.

[markswife]

Lisa, I am just so sorry that you have to deal with all of this stress. You have such amazing strength. I really admire your spirit and how you have remained so strong through this ordeal. Great big hugs to you. hang in there!!

[LisaG825]

Thank you ladies, I sure wish I felt strong though. I feel like this whole ordeal has just made me one huge basket case. I feel like i am one huge walking time bomb that is just waiting to explode at any sec.

It is one thing finding out that your baby didn't have a h/b and then all of this stinking crap about it being a molar, bw, possibly getting cancer, chemo, hysterectomy, etc.