[MeganMomof5]

I had my follow up appointment this morning...It was really hard...The office was busy, full of pregnant woman and a 4 day old baby...They were running late so I had a wait time of about 35 minutes in the front, and 15 minutes in the exam room...I could hear my doctor going from room to room and he always walks in and says "how's your baby doing"...He said that to me at my last appointment, before I knew my baby was dead...I had a hard time holding back my tears .

As for my tests and tests on the "tissue" (UGH i hate that)...They could find nothing wrong with me or the baby....He said the baby was too "degenterated" to find out the gender, so I don't even get that closure...I guess I get to spend the rest of my life wondering why my perfectly healthy baby just died for no reason...I don't know why it was so "degenerated", I know it hadn't been dead for more than a few days before my appointment...Maybe a week before my D&C....Ella was dead for around 2 weeks she was in alright condition...It's just even depressing to talk that way about my 2 babies ...He told me after I found out the baby was gone to wait 6 months before trying...I talked about it today and asked about the risks of getting pregnant right away etc...He said he would like me to wait 6 weeks from my D&C before I try again, and it's been almost 3 weeks, so I guess in 3 weeks? He doesn't think getting pregnant too soon will cause me to have another loss...He also thinks that if you aren't ready to get pregnant you wont...We went over a lot of stuff, it was very hard and emotional...I should of been going in for my 18 week appointment, not a follow up to another loss...I'm still bleeding and he said that's normal since I was as far along as I was...He said it should be stopping soon and he wouldn't be surprised if I get my period soon...I guess it's possible since the pregnancy test today was negative that I took...I told him that I work hard at TTC and I hope to be pregnant by the end of July (or August).

[Isabelle]

I just want to run over to where ever you live and give you one big massive hug

[tobi4]

Im so sorry. Having no answers for why this happened is so horrible. I wish you luck. ~~hugs~~

[ma2b2010]

I'm so so sorry.. I started to cry as I read your post. I wish I could offer you advice or consolation.

[markswife]

I am just so sorry for your losses. My heart breaks for you. I wish he would have been able to give you more answers. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[MeganMomof5]

thanks guys! I just wanted to update really quick...I think my bleeding has stopped!!! I hate to jinx myself, but I haven't had any spotting since last night...That just makes me feel so much better...It's hard to move on when your still dealing with things like that....I also rented the movie the time travalers wife, not realizing it had miscarriages in the movie...I wouldn't of rented it last night if I had known, at least not right now...Oh well I survived...I'm also happy to be able to DTD with DH.....We've only done it 1 1/2 times since the begining of Jan (I was too scared to do it while pregnant lol)

[mom2njia]

I am so sorry for both of your losses. I remember that follow up appt too well. So painful. Hugs.

[Celena]

Megan

I'm so sorry honey!!!! It's going to take time and in time you're going to have to come to peace with it all in order to truly move forward. (healing doesn't mean you'll ever forget that little one) Sometimes giving yourself time to greive is what you might need before starting to TTC and allot of times that the reason why docs suggest waiting as long as they do because of the emotional and mental anguish it has on us. There is NO peace of mind of how it happens, any of the circumstances, or when you have a loss reguardless of what point you're at in pregnancy that your loss occurs.

There's NOTHING you did wrong, nothing you could have done differently to have prevented it from happening or the outcome. Just because they say they didn't "find anything wrong" with you or baby, doesn't mean there wasn't something wrong... it all depends on what they test for, how much they can test for and so on. It's quiet possible you have an infection which can cause a miscarriage... it's possible the baby wasn't impanted right, or an abruption or any number of hundreds of different scenarios... I want you to think about this and know,

"sometimes there are things in life that we may not understand and are not for us to understand why they've happend. There's nothing we've done wrong to deserve it and no reasoning behind it, with that we have to pick ourselves up gathering strength within to live our lives"

There's no set time, no set way, no set of anything that is going to dictate how we grieve ... other than with time we will heal, we will move forward and get thru this coming out on top!

[aitch]

I'm so sorry and I know there's nothing anyone can say that will take it away.

I really do understand about wanting to know why too. I was really lucky and the Pathologist did genetic testing which neither my OB or I expected but it gave a real sense of closure.

Celena is right, whether you know why or not, there's nothing you could have done differently so don't beat yourself up over it.

[ldovey83]

Megan hun i am so sorry that you had to go through this again.. I am sorry that you didn't get the closure you were wanting.. I know that part isn't easy.. HUGE HUGS to you hun.

[JessP]

Megan I am so sorry for both your losses. I didn't know you lost this one too . I know going in for the 2 week post op was the worst both times for me. BIG . I hope you have a beautiful baby soon and lots of for July .

[BabyAthena]

I am so sorry you had to go through that! I remember waiting in the waiting room with all the pregnant women too. It was so difficult! You seem to have a very good doctor that takes time to explain and that really helps you get through this. HUGS