[JessP]

Does anyone else go back and forth?
Sometimes I think I would like to try again (pending I could convince DH LOL). And other days I think there is no way I could go through the stress of a first trimester again and the fears and worry.
Do you just kind of hold your nose and jump in (pool analogy there )?

There is a large part of me that feels my family is missing something, or rather now two somethings and it feels wrong. While on vacation I realized just how much I wanted to have another baby, how I should have had an infant and been pregnant, then this week with AF here and seeing others join the loss board I see all my fears and mind telling me I won't ever have another baby. Maybe I am just crazy. I don't really expect to "join" again since DH is not wanting to try again. I have a dr appointment Monday for BCP . But I just wondered how others do it I guess.

Anyway thanks for reading what turned into a ramble.
to everyone I hope the board is empty if I ever do come back .

[MeganMomof5]

I don't know if i've gone back and forth...The day I found out I lost another baby my first thought was "No way, i'm never doing this again, it hurts way too much"...That only lasted a couple of days and I had to talk to DH because I too think he was scared at first...I do however think that i'm not going to be able to go threw ANOTHER 1st trimester again....My worry in this last pregnancy was so high, now it's going to be even higher...I didn't have the fear of a miscarriage...Now I have a fear of a stillbirth and a miscarriage...I keep thinking that maybe i'm just being selfish, but I still want a baby so badly...Sorry i'm not much help, but that's how how i've been feeling....Good luck and I hope in time that your DH will change his mind.

[JessP]

Yeah sometimes I guess I feel its unfair to ask DH and everyone involed to deal with my nerotic "is everything" ok worry during those first 15 weeks. Since we lost our first at 15 and then our second at 12 I don't know that I will feel "safe". Thanks for replying. At least I know I am not alone .

[Celena]

Jessi I C U !!!!!!!

I didn't want to start trying after this last loss, DH wanted to right away and so I let him think I was into it as well. Just don't know how to describe the feeling exactly, as much as I was a little more at peace this time I just wasn't so sure that I wanted to ever chance going thru this again not to mention the fears of having blocked tube. Then I could feel it slipping away, but then at the same time I would think about how I'm not getting any younger... how I'm afraid since I got my first AF at 9yrs old that menopause would get me much earlier than normal ladies.

Ugh... I'm going to finish this later honey when I can devote more time, totally lost my train of tought

I'm glad to see you here honey!!!

[MeganMomof5]

Originally Posted by JessP

Yeah sometimes I guess I feel its unfair to ask DH and everyone involed to deal with my nerotic "is everything" ok worry during those first 15 weeks. Since we lost our first at 15 and then our second at 12 I don't know that I will feel "safe". Thanks for replying. At least I know I am not alone .

You aren't alone...I'm sure a lot of people don't ever feel "safe"...I think back to my first 4 pregnancies and how I never even had a worry...I wish I could feel that way again...I actually miss it...BTW i'm in washington too!

[JessP]

Yeah my first two seem so much more simple now . I live north of Seattle hint hint wink wink.

[MeganMomof5]

I live north of seattle too, about 1 1/2 hours north

[JessP]

Really?! I am about an hour north... I live in Marysville just above Everett.

[blessedx7]

I actually just posted about this before I read this thread. This is exactly how I feel. I NEVER expected to feel this way either. After a year of trying to convince my husband we should try again, it's ME who is too afraid to do it. I spent hours researching statistics and risks to present to dh in a "look, my odds really are GOOD to have a healthy pregnancy" only to not be so convinced myself. This was our first month trying after my abdominal ectopic in May '09 and when I knew I was fertile, I couldn't actually go through with it. If I could skip the first trimester of constant worry, anxiety, and fretting over every pain and twinge, I would be 100% ready. SO long story short (not really LOL), I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU MEAN! {{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

[MeganMomof5]

Jess, I live in bellingham.

[JessP]

Lucky7 thanks . I hope your anxiety gets better.

Wow Megan I used to be up that way all the time. I like Bellingham its so pretty up there.

[Celena]

I liked the pool anaology... that's sorta how it was once the feelings started to return, the "what if's" will be there no matter what but you won't know unless you try what the outcome will be!

While yes another loss would be devastating, but a precious baby being born from us would be a miracle blessing that we won't achieve or know if we will achieve unless we try