Is it harder...

aitch · #1 April 28th, 2010, 12:38 PM

Given I lost my first pregnancy, I wondered - is it harder to be TTC after a loss or is it always just hard work, stressful and upsetting when the witch shows?

I ask because when we were first TTC I didn't even know if I could get pregnant. Somehow it felt ok knowing that we hadn't yet been trying for a year and that maybe I just couldn't get pregnant on my own. Now that I know I can, it somehow seems to hurt more and be more of a goal to do it again.

Thoughts?

BTW, I meant harder in emotional terms. not physically....

markswife · #2 April 28th, 2010, 12:42 PM

My two cents is TTCAL is harder because before I had a MC I never really worried about it. Now it sits in the back of my head as an option. Once I do get that BFP, I think I will always worry that every thing is a sign of a MC. I'd give anything to go back to my previous blissful ignorance!

BeccaM · #3 April 28th, 2010, 12:48 PM

I think its harder after a loss. After I stopped the pill last year it took me 6 months to get a BFP but during those 6 months I didnt stress one day about it. AF would show and we would just go ok not this month maybe next month. Now its so much harder emotionally. Im trying to figure what ok what trick can I do this month to get that BFP and when AF shows its very depressing to say the least almost like it knocks the wind out of you for a moment.

MeganMomof5 · #4 April 28th, 2010, 01:44 PM

I also think it's harder emotionally and physically...I know that I stress more since TTCAL...Before I would stress, but not the same...I think it's harder after you lost a baby because you want it more....I wish I could be in the bliss of not having a worry in the world again...It sucks that having a pregnancy loss/losses changes you so much.

tobi4 · #5 April 28th, 2010, 02:10 PM

Im not going to be much help here, because Ive not been in the position I am in now. My little ones were all surprises, its only since I had the m/c that we decided we wanted to purposely ttc. I can agree with you about the stress of it though. This is not as fun as its all cracked up to be!!! (is that even the right saying?)

JessP · #6 April 28th, 2010, 08:22 PM

It changes things, or at least did for me. Before I was like a lot of the ladies, no worries if it happened great if not oh well on to next month. I would love to be that way again. Course I would have to be trying LOL. Plus that excitement of being pregnant again is soon replaced with worry

. TTCAL is just plain rough.

Servilia · #7 April 28th, 2010, 08:26 PM

Well this is my first cycle TTC after my m/c so I can't foresee how I'll feel if I get a BFN.. but overall I'm not feeling more stressed about it. The only thing that will be different (as far as I know) is that I won't have that innocent joyful excitement next time I get my BFP because I'll know nothing is a sure thing...

KAB · #8 April 28th, 2010, 08:30 PM

TTCAL is much harder emotionally. We TTC for just over 3 years, and though it was hard not being able to get pregnant, it's nothing like it is now. I want it more now because I've had a taste of it, but I don't know if it will ever happen again and if I'll ever be able to heal this hole in my heart from losing my angels.

blessedx7 · #9 April 29th, 2010, 08:45 AM

I think it's harder after a loss without a doubt. Before a loss your main goal is just to get pregnant. After a loss your main goal isn't just to get pregnant but to have a baby in the right place and then through the first trimester and then make it to delivery. With my first child I immediately started shopping when I found out I was pregnant. I was MUCH more reluctant to do that after my first loss.

Isabelle · #10 April 29th, 2010, 09:51 AM

Much, much, much harder.

lex1078 · #11 April 29th, 2010, 11:53 AM

It's so much harder after loss(es).

~LaurenNoel~ · #12 April 29th, 2010, 12:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lucky7

I think it's harder after a loss without a doubt. Before a loss your main goal is just to get pregnant. After a loss your main goal isn't just to get pregnant but to have a baby in the right place and then through the first trimester and then make it to delivery. With my first child I immediately started shopping when I found out I was pregnant. I was MUCH more reluctant to do that after my first loss.

I feel the exact same way.

ldovey83 · #13 April 29th, 2010, 12:31 PM

TTCAL is definitely much harder.. Before I got pregnant with my son I wasn't really trying.. It finally just happened.. Well when I got pregnant with loss number 1 I knew it would probably take sometime, and when I found out I was I was thrilled.. Well the m/c broke my heart.. I hated being told that I had to wait, but I did I waited one cycle and got pregnant fairly quickly.. Definitely when Iwas pregnant after the loss I was more stressed.. Now I cry everytime AF shows.. It is definitely an emotional rollercoaster.

Celena · #14 April 29th, 2010, 06:36 PM

Just my

Trying to conceive after a loss is harder...

Trying to conceive after multiple losses is harder...

It's definitely just a whole different set of emotions after you have had a loss or multiple losses while TTC than if you've never had any.

I know while DH and I had been trying for about 15 cycles before I got pg the first time (that ended in our first loss together) it didn't phase me really before then that we hadn't gotten pg yet. While yes I wondered why, but it wasn't emotionally taxing it just was it was and I felt it would happen for us in time for sure. HOWEVER, after that first loss together it was devastating... then the second loss... then the most recent third loss... back to back to back in eight months... down right depressing, frustrating and so many more negative emotions including ANGER.

aitch · #15 April 29th, 2010, 06:45 PM

Thanks Ladies. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in feeling so confused, wanting it more but somehow constantly trying to protect myself from the pain again. It scares me that I won't have that innocent excitement if I'm lucky enough for there to be a next time.

Celena, you've just hit the nail on the head for me and I didn't really realise it but I DO feel angry. I'm lucky in that I know why but the anger is definitely still there.
One was bad enough so I really admire your courage.

Celena · #16 April 29th, 2010, 06:55 PM

Thank you honey...

You know sometimes you have to weigh the pros and cons, and then just how badly you really want to hold, smell, fall head over heals in love with a piece of you & DH bonded by love forever. That's what drives us... that's what pushes us to heal over time and get back up to keep trying no matter what.

Altho sometimes we need a little mental and physical break, the ultimate goal, the ultimate ULTIMATE is our baby

You're right tho... it is harder for sure!

If ever you need to I'm just a PM away