My heart is broken...

ldovey83 · #1 May 3rd, 2010, 05:32 PM

So my DH and I have this friend.. She is a life long friend of my DH's and she has been in my life since I met DH. We consider her our sister.. She is also my sons godmother.. Well right after my son was born her hubby and her got pregnant and she found out at 4 months that her little girl had hydrocephalis.. A condition where she has fluid around her brain.. She would survive but she would have to be very careful... So she told Dh and I she was aborting her cause she couldn't handle having a needs child.. It took me a long time to talk to her again after she did that.. Well since then she has lost both her mom and Dad, and her and her hubby have seperated. She just called to tell me that she is pregnant and freaking out.. She is afraid her hubby is going to divorce her even though they are seperated and the guy who got her pregnant already has 10 kids and a wife.. So she is freaking out, and I really don't know what to say to her.. I told her that God never gives us to much we can't handle and she is like BS... I mean what am I suppost to say to her.. I am afraid she is going to abort this one too.. UGH.. Then people who are trying have all the problems.. I will never understand.

missy123 · #2 May 3rd, 2010, 05:57 PM

She may need you as a friend and a source of support now more than ever. Either you decide to break off communication with her or help her. You need to do what is best for you sweetie, you have been through so much yourself lately. ((Hugs))

j&jmom · #3 May 3rd, 2010, 06:09 PM

I am sorry for your friend. I could never abort my baby, so I don't know what I would tell her. It does seem like there are too many people who want and can't have and those that can and don't want. . . . it really seems unfair. I'm an educator and know a teenage student who has had 3 abortions. It does really break your heart to hear these things.

zkat · #4 May 3rd, 2010, 06:30 PM

I agree with Missy. You need to do what's best for you. It does sound like she could use a friend right now, but I think it is rather cruel of her to unload on you.

Kat.

EJsMommy · #5 May 4th, 2010, 05:23 AM

I agree with other ladies. This is a tough situation.

~Lynda~ · #6 May 4th, 2010, 06:59 AM

hugs, that is a very difficult situation to be in! do what's best for you!

ldovey83 · #7 May 4th, 2010, 09:06 AM

She came over lastnight and we talked.. Her me and my DH.. She told us that she is going to keep the baby she is just scared to tell her DH and the babies daddy.. She kept calling the baby "it" and DH asked her when she is around us if she could please refer to the baby as something other then it.. She respected that... I am going to be taking her to a pregnancy clinic to get a statement so she can get insurance.. She is my sister after all and I love her.. I know she would be there for me... Even though I am so jealous of her being pregnant and me not being pregnant yet I know it will happen.. So right now DH and I are just going to be here for her since we are the only family she has left.

zkat · #8 May 4th, 2010, 01:41 PM

Lindsey,

You are a remarkable women. I am glad to know that you guys talked and you are going to help her. Hopefully she will continue to respect you and the friendship you are giving her.

Kat.

..Michelle.. · #9 May 5th, 2010, 03:23 PM

Lindsey,
Sorry to sound like a broken record, but I totally agree with the other gals posts. Especially Kats post. You and DH have been wonderful friends to her and she needs you more than you need her. Sounds kinda mean, but it's true. I hope she realizes this and is more sensitive to your feelings and friendship!

to you and your DH sweetie!

Michelle T.

missy123 · #10 May 5th, 2010, 06:07 PM

I really like how your DH stood up and said that to her about calling the baby it.... good support system you have there Lindsay!

Celena · #11 May 5th, 2010, 07:12 PM

Lindsay first off

I'm sorry that, that is such a sensitive issue that someone so close if having and bringing it to you. However like Missy said, she may need you as her family more now than ever in her life and that like you said "God won't give you what you can't handle" maybe it is a small test of wills for you as well? One to make you the stronger lady or make you realize just how wonderful and strong you are... that you're extremely compassionate and are there for everyone that comes your way in need of help.

ldovey83 · #12 May 6th, 2010, 09:38 AM

Thanks ladies.. Right now I feel that all I have done for her over the last few days.. One which included going in a buying pregnancy tests for her and looking at the test to see the results (which broke my heart) were for nothing.. She spoke to her DH yesterday and he said he wants her to abort the baby(It's not his anyways) and then he is going to do whatever they can to get pregnant with her own.. So her answer to me when I asked what she was going to do is I am not rushing in towards anything but tomorrow I am going to see how I feel about it.. So this morning I find her looking for one bedrooms for her and her DH which I have a feeling means she is leaning towards the abortion after all, and I just don't know how I am going to cope with that again.. God will give me the right words to say I know that.. Just keep me in your thoughts cause this whole situation is really hard on me..Thanks ladies for letting me get this off my chest.

Jennifer8080 · #13 May 6th, 2010, 09:52 AM

I am so sorry that you're having to go through this right now. You're an amazing person for doing everything that you have and standing by her despite what your feelings are and what you've been through. I agree that it is so unfair that people like that can get pregnant so easily, and the ones that truly want and try so hard, have problems. It's so unfair. One of my best friends has had seven (7) abortions - two of them after having her daughter. I finally had to have a talk with her, and tell her that I didn't want to know about it if she got pregnant again and wasn't keeping it. I told her that after 3 losses, I cannot handle the heartache every time she has another abortion. I told her that even though we are best friends, that I needed her to respect my feelings, or else I would not be able to continue the friendship.

I hope that she changes her mind. Big

to you!

ldovey83 · #14 May 7th, 2010, 12:22 PM

Well she isn't changing her mind.. She was all messed up on something last night and wasn't herself so I asked her to not come over until she was her normal self.. It does break my heart that she was given this chance and she just threw it down the toilet.. DH understands why I am hurt and he is agreeing with me, but we also don't want to push her away cause she is like a sister. It just breaks my heart that is all.. I don't understand why people do that.. They go out have unprotected sex get pregnant and just abort the baby, and then go out and do the same thing.. Then women that try so hard to get pregnant either can't, miscarry, or struggle to get pregnant, and it is very heartbreaking.. Hopefully God will be good to me this cycle.. This is the month of my one yr angel versary from loosing my angel bean, and I am not handling it to well.

missy123 · #15 May 7th, 2010, 03:21 PM

I am so sorry you are going through all of this Lindsay... ((hugs))

~LaurenNoel~ · #16 May 7th, 2010, 06:21 PM

How terrible. I am sorry you are going through this also. I will be praying for you...and her.

ldovey83 · #17 May 9th, 2010, 08:05 PM

Sorry I have been missing in action. It has been a rough weekend.. DH feel Fri and ruptured a tendon in his foot and has been bed ridden and on crutches.. Hasn't affected the baby making..LOL Anywho I just wanted to say thank you ladies for being here...