Chemical Pregnancy: I can't wrap my mind around it.

megkatkoz · #1 May 11th, 2010, 07:12 PM

I never thought I would experience one. I finally got a positive (several) after months of trying, then my cycle started right on time. I freaked out, because I had an ectopic in January and it started the same way. But I tested again as advised and it was negative. So I know it was a chemical.

I don't know how to feel about this. Was it a miscarriage? Or was I never really pregnant at all? And **** it, why can't I just get to keep one of my babies? I am so angry...and just want to be a mommy so badly.

A couple years ago I told my husband that I had no desire to adopt. That I desperately wanted to know what it was like to carry my child and look into his eyes and see myself and my husband..to go though pregnancy and birth....

And even though it sounds awful, I feel like I am being punished for that comment, and God is going to force me to infertility. This is my third loss, if it counts as one.

I know, crazy thought, but then again, I am so damaged I think that way now...

brandi.lyn · #2 May 11th, 2010, 07:21 PM

you are not being punished for anything you've said. You're allowed to have feelings and say things, emotions are normal. After losing a pregnancy in November, I've often lost hope that it's never going to happen because everyone around me keeps telling me "it's not time" Sounds awkward but its been 5 cycles, it's never taken this long...IT'S TIME.

Have you talked to your doctor about any testing? or have they said anything on what's causing the m/c's?

I pray a miracle gets sent your way and you can enjoy a happy beautiful bundle.

j&jmom · #3 May 11th, 2010, 07:24 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. Did you ever go to the doctor this last time?

dreamer10 · #4 May 11th, 2010, 08:29 PM

It does count as one. There was the beginning of a baby if you had enough hcg to come up positive on a test. I am so sorry about your loss and maybe its time to start thinking of some testing and whatnot. Hang in there and keep talking to those of us here who know how you feel.

Sorry again....